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Ftm: masculine or feminine... does it really matter?

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Contributor: ihavemagicpants ihavemagicpants
as i started testosterone over a year ago i was going through the common 'too manly' moments where i was trying a bit TOO hard to be a guy. but as i have come to terms with who i am and who i have been i have begun to love and cherish the random fun things about myself. i love glitter, i love hello kitty, i love zombies, i love horror movies... does it really matter if we are masculine or feminine? if we are somewhere in between?

i have watched a lot of videos on youtube and talked to a lot of guys on facebook and have noticed that so many guys do the trying really hard to come off as masculine. i don't know if it has to do with trying to catch up for lost time, if they feel they can't be fully male so they try harder... or what...

i am interested in hearing what other people think about this, what they have seen and heard and so forth.
03/21/2013
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Contributor: GingerAnn GingerAnn
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03/21/2013
Contributor: GONE! GONE!
I'm with you. I'm sick of trans guys constantly squabbling about other people's interests and appearance. We need to quit being so damn insecure and judgmental.
I'm a campy queen, trans or cis. It's who I am. Anyone who thinks others should repress their personality just to look macho is a sad individual.
03/22/2013
Contributor: Ciao. Ciao.
I think it's pretty natural for anyone exploring gender to overdo it at some point. Really it's about finding boundaries, and what's comfortable, and what works in society. Sometimes it's just overcompensating for perceived shortcomings, or it's just a genuine curiosity, or lack of understanding of self.

It's definitely a little silly, and there's no reason whether you are trans or cis why gender can't be a little more fluid all the time no matter if you identify as masculine/feminine/or somewhere in between.
03/22/2013
Contributor: Genderfree Genderfree
Hey, I am dealing with the same thing. I love cute things and I make silly anime girl voices. My gender presentation changes every day, but I know for certain that I am male. Find what balance is comfortable for you!
03/22/2013
Contributor: ihavemagicpants ihavemagicpants
Quote:
Originally posted by GONE!
I'm with you. I'm sick of trans guys constantly squabbling about other people's interests and appearance. We need to quit being so damn insecure and judgmental.
I'm a campy queen, trans or cis. It's who I am. Anyone who thinks ... more
it is hard to see people you knew once as a feminine male all of a sudden try TOO hard and live the rest of their life as a over macho male because they want to always be seen as a male. it shouldn't matter. makes me sad...
03/25/2013
Contributor: ihavemagicpants ihavemagicpants
Quote:
Originally posted by Ciao.
I think it's pretty natural for anyone exploring gender to overdo it at some point. Really it's about finding boundaries, and what's comfortable, and what works in society. Sometimes it's just overcompensating for perceived ... more
i very much agree. exploring is very much natural and i can understand how some guys can over do it at some point but watching those who clearly are not macho try to be macho and live that way, it kind of hurts my soul. knowing people are trying so hard just because they want the rest of the world to see them as a MACHO MAN when they aren't being their true selves. no one should have to live that way just to be seen as a male or to be seen as something they aren't. i wish more people could be comfortable with who they are.
03/25/2013
Contributor: ihavemagicpants ihavemagicpants
Quote:
Originally posted by Genderfree
Hey, I am dealing with the same thing. I love cute things and I make silly anime girl voices. My gender presentation changes every day, but I know for certain that I am male. Find what balance is comfortable for you!
exactly. i feel that way on many levels. i basically am male but hey, i like some girly things and i am PROUD of it. why anyone would macho themselves up to impress people they don't even know... it really does actually make me sad on a lot of levels. i am comfortable with who i am as i am. makes me wish more people were able to live this way.
03/25/2013
Contributor: Ilmenskie Ilmenskie
I naturally fall more masculine on the presentation and expression spectrum but I have a lot of trans* guy friends who are very feminine and true to that aspect of themselves and some, like you said, who feel to be pushing a more masculine image of themselves.

I think just like in most aspects of our lives, when something feels wrong you'll eventually figure it out but a lot of times you can't be pushed. A newfound part of your identity like realizing you're a man is a cause for a lot of guys to reevaluate their presentation and i've known guys who were macho for a few months and then found themselves more in feminine things and their old dresses.

It's rough to see someone you think you could relate to look like they're forcing a persona but that's a part of a lot of people's transition and journey to realizing who they are and it's better to just support people than try and force them on a path you feel to be superior.
03/25/2013
Contributor: ihavemagicpants ihavemagicpants
Quote:
Originally posted by Ilmenskie
I naturally fall more masculine on the presentation and expression spectrum but I have a lot of trans* guy friends who are very feminine and true to that aspect of themselves and some, like you said, who feel to be pushing a more masculine image of ... more
well, said. i feel as though a lot of guys are trying to PUSH things on themselves to feel and appear more masculine. it's kind of understandable in a degree but i feel bad for the guys who feel they need to SO bad.

but it is a new and different journey for everyone.
03/28/2013
Contributor: MistressDandelion MistressDandelion
Men come in all shapes and sizes, and have different tastes... As a femme FT myself, I was shunned and other FTM told me not to transition if I liked dresses sometimes (a peculiar kind of dress mind you, lolita dresses). Trying too hard to be masculine when you're not (even if you identify as male) is trying to be someone you're not.
04/01/2013
Contributor: ihavemagicpants ihavemagicpants
Quote:
Originally posted by MistressDandelion
Men come in all shapes and sizes, and have different tastes... As a femme FT myself, I was shunned and other FTM told me not to transition if I liked dresses sometimes (a peculiar kind of dress mind you, lolita dresses). Trying too hard to be ... more
exactly! i very much agree with you. you have to be who you are regardless of what others think. the fact you were shunned makes me sad but in every community there are people who shun others for no reason other than they are different. which you would think that someone in a already small group of different people... you would think that they would be more accepting but not always.
04/03/2013
Contributor: ihavemagicpants ihavemagicpants
Quote:
Originally posted by GONE!
I'm with you. I'm sick of trans guys constantly squabbling about other people's interests and appearance. We need to quit being so damn insecure and judgmental.
I'm a campy queen, trans or cis. It's who I am. Anyone who thinks ... more
i very much agree that is part of why i wanted to post something. i am just curious about other peoples thoughts in the matter because i find it something that is interesting, that is all. not trying to diss on anyone or say anything bad about anyone. i am just curious.
04/10/2013
Contributor: treehugger treehugger
I think a lot of trans guys who have just figured out their identity, or have just started to present in a way that reflects their identity, tend to go overboard on trying to be masculine just so they pass. I think it has more to do with convincing other people that they're really what they identify as, which is just as much a product of how society views them as anything else.
04/10/2013
Contributor: TransMarc TransMarc
Quote:
Originally posted by ihavemagicpants
it is hard to see people you knew once as a feminine male all of a sudden try TOO hard and live the rest of their life as a over macho male because they want to always be seen as a male. it shouldn't matter. makes me sad...
Maybe they aren't "trying too hard".
As an 11-years-old I loved metal music.
Then one day I discovered funk and loved it as much if not more even though it was different, it was still a way to relate better to parts of me and my emotions like metal was.
Then I started listening only to that because it was new and I needed it.
Then, the phase stopped and it's just something I still life, but I needed this phase to really "wear" it and integrate it to my life, even if I came off as faking it or trying too hard. It was the thing I most liked at this point. Still great memories, I now still like funk only less than before but even if my tastes changed it does not mean I wasn't true to myself at that point. And even if I had just been "trying" things? It doesn't matter, everybody has a right to experiment with their tastes or presentation or things if they want, be it to relate to others better or just for themselves, no matter their ages. It's good, it helps you know yourself better and open your mind to new ideas. You can't try "too hard" and most people go by phases of interests, etc.
(Aspects of) masculinity and feminity feel the same way to me.
04/14/2013