The New Intimacy

Genderqueers - How do you know where you stand on the spectrum?

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Contributor: meezerosity meezerosity
I'm a female bodied person recently discovering that I am genderqueer. Some days I feel more masculine and am more comfortable in my body dressing the part. Other days I feel feminine and will wear feminine clothing, makeup, etc and feel comfortable that way. It seems to happen at random but inside I cannot tell whether I am male, female, both, or neither. I go by feminine pronouns because I am not really "out" to anyone except my best friend. My family was used to me being a tomboy as a child and doesn't really notice if I dress differently sometimes. I hide my packers and my binder looks like a sports bra so they haven't questioned it.

To anyone else out there genderqueer, where do you fall and how to you determine where you fit in on the spectrum, if you do at all? I know some people feel themselves not to have any gender at all. I'd love to hear from all of you on this.
05/25/2012
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Contributor: Youssii Youssii
I found a bunch of trans friends, most of whom I still have, to explore things with.

It turned out I wasn't as feminine as I'd thought and ended up transitioning to male in terms of school and stuff, but I still ID as GQ. I see myself as gender fluid so my preferred presentation changes a lot. I now go by he at school and they with my trans friends, and I occasionally wear make up and stuff, but not so often any more.
05/25/2012
Contributor: meezerosity meezerosity
Quote:
Originally posted by Youssii
I found a bunch of trans friends, most of whom I still have, to explore things with.

It turned out I wasn't as feminine as I'd thought and ended up transitioning to male in terms of school and stuff, but I still ID as GQ. I see myself ... more
Thanks for the reply. When you wear make up and appear more feminine do you associate it with any dysmorphia or simply because you choose to? I have some mental health problems that may or may not be influencing me but on my feminine days I don't feel comfortable unless I look the part, even if I am not going anywhere and vice versa.
05/26/2012
Contributor: jaejae jaejae
i identify as non-binary. i use gender neutral pronouns (they) and the phrases i like most for myself are "glamdrogynous", "pretty boi" and "flower boi". i'm fat and female assigned at birth (FAAB) and also a person of color. i had a really hard time finding myself in the genderqueer community because it does not represent me or my identity.
i went through a time period when i needed to be hypermasculine and try to emulate what i saw as "my community"...but it wasn't a happy time, just a necessary time, if that makes any sense. it wasn't me.
i love eye makeup, nailpolish, glitter, rhinestones, jewelry and low-cut tops. i love them as a glam pretty boi/boy. i don't wear skirts or dresses and am picky about the fit, material and style of my clothes - i shop four different departments (juniors, little boys, men's, plus size women's) to find what feels right. i also love all sorts of drag/gender performance. i also have days when i want to present more one way than another. sometimes i just want to confuse people. sometimes i just want to wear whatever feels sexy to me, whatever wild combination of things that is.
to me, there's a not a spectrum, or any map that i could be placed on because my gender is sooooooo personal, so defined by me and only the people closest to me understand where all the little pieces come from, what everything means. and that works for me.
05/26/2012
Contributor: c90 c90
I identify as genderfluid, but still don't know where I'd stand on a spectrum most of the time. Basically I just wing it, because I have no idea what's going on.
05/26/2012
Contributor: AWL AWL
Quote:
Originally posted by c90
I identify as genderfluid, but still don't know where I'd stand on a spectrum most of the time. Basically I just wing it, because I have no idea what's going on.
I have the same issue.
05/27/2012
Contributor: meezerosity meezerosity
Quote:
Originally posted by jaejae
i identify as non-binary. i use gender neutral pronouns (they) and the phrases i like most for myself are "glamdrogynous", "pretty boi" and "flower boi". i'm fat and female assigned at birth (FAAB) and also a person ... more
Wow, thank you! That was a helpful response and some nice insight.
05/27/2012
Contributor: meezerosity meezerosity
Quote:
Originally posted by c90
I identify as genderfluid, but still don't know where I'd stand on a spectrum most of the time. Basically I just wing it, because I have no idea what's going on.
That is kind of where I am right now.
05/27/2012
Contributor: shcoo shcoo
I'm starting to identify as a non-op FTM instead of just genderqueer. But even that is hazy, because I might consider top surgery in the future (but nothing else; no hormones either.)

I'm mostly attracted to males and I enjoy makeup and fashion even though I dress androgynously, so it's kind of hard to define myself because no one thinks I'm "trans enough" to get that label.
05/27/2012
Contributor: thisisadeletedaccount thisisadeletedaccount
I'm genderqueer, not intending to go through any big physical transition processes, partially because I am lucky enough to have a relatively androgynous body to begin with, especially in terms of musculature, voice, and facial structure. I definitely feel like I have a gender, just that it's not as simple as "male" or "female." I describe myself with words like boi, guy, dude, and butch, and I use gender neutral pronouns - I don't have a strong preference between ze/hir and they/them. My gender presentation is definitely on the masculine side of things, as much as a term like "masculine" can carry a distinct meaning... I like having short haircuts and an unshaven body, and I usually wear straight lined men's jeans and shirts with boxer briefs and undershirts or sports bras. I do dress up in some pretty dramatically femme clothing when I perform with my street band, but I consider that to be very much a form of drag. I get read as male in public sometimes, especially by little kids, which makes me smile. I can only really get read as my actual gender if I wear the t-shirt I hand stenciled across the front with the word "GENDERQUEER."
05/27/2012
Contributor: Sam I Am Sam I Am
I identify as genderqueer. I'm female bodied but lately usually present as male. When I first started identifying as trans*, I tried to find one specific spot where I was on the spectrum. Now that I've been out for almost a year, I've learned to just go with it and that gender can be really fluid for some people. I still use female pronouns and use my birth name because it's just easier that way, for me at least.
05/27/2012
Contributor: Jake'n'bake Jake'n'bake
I'm genderfluid. Female bodied, but I prefer male pronouns. I think of myself as male most of the time ( sometimes I have days where I don't ) but I'm mostly okay with having a female body. Sometimes I'll bind or pack but usually not ( thanks to my current living situation, mostly ).

Most people don't know I prefer male pronouns, unfortunately. I've already tried to get people to call me 'he' in the past and they told me it didn't fit me and didn't do it, which pissed me off. :/ It's still a sore spot so I try to avoid the whole 'please call me (word)' conversation, these days.
05/27/2012
Contributor: Sam I Am Sam I Am
Quote:
Originally posted by Jake'n'bake
I'm genderfluid. Female bodied, but I prefer male pronouns. I think of myself as male most of the time ( sometimes I have days where I don't ) but I'm mostly okay with having a female body. Sometimes I'll bind or pack but usually not ... more
That's where I'm at with my pronouns. I tried for a little while to get people to call me male pronouns, and they were basically like "well no, you'll always be female to me". Sorry to hear you have such trouble with people and your pronouns!
05/27/2012
Contributor: meezerosity meezerosity
Thanks for your responses everyone, it has been very helpful. I told my male ex who I'm still very good friends with, he reacted fairly neutral and just said "do what feels right". I feel a little better having told someone irl. I've also thought about taking on a masculine name but that would be somewhat confusing if I weren't using it full time.
05/28/2012
Contributor: vitriolicvertigo vitriolicvertigo
I go with "genderqueer" because it's an awesome umbrella term...some days I feel completely feminine, some days completely masculine. Most days, somewhere in between or completely outside of that. It's totally "normal" (I don't know of a better way to put it) to feel different each day...you're not alone!
05/28/2012
Contributor: viserys4king viserys4king
i tend to go towards the 'male' end of things but more often than not i just feel neutral.
05/30/2012
Contributor: Rab Rab
I don't always know where I stand, but just today I found a great chart that helps (yes, it's sideways)
05/30/2012
Contributor: PinkiePie PinkiePie
I don't really know where I fall, I'm still figuring it out. I use female pronouns and generally present as a girl, as I'd never ever ever pass as anything else.
05/31/2012
Contributor: meezerosity meezerosity
Quote:
Originally posted by PinkiePie
I don't really know where I fall, I'm still figuring it out. I use female pronouns and generally present as a girl, as I'd never ever ever pass as anything else.
You're not alone for sure. I feel the same way, I know I wouldn't pass as male without going on T for a long time and even then maybe not. I have very feminine features.
05/31/2012
Contributor: meezerosity meezerosity
Quote:
Originally posted by Rab
I don't always know where I stand, but just today I found a great chart that helps (yes, it's sideways)
Thank you! That is a really handy chart.
05/31/2012
Contributor: vitriolicvertigo vitriolicvertigo
I question myself a lot. But at the end of the day, I don't need to know exactly where I stand to love myself enough to respect and express my identity. I dunno.
05/31/2012
Contributor: Rey Rey
Quote:
Originally posted by meezerosity
That is kind of where I am right now.
ditto!
06/03/2012
Contributor: girlparts girlparts
I ID as "genderqueer" rather than "genderfluid," but I still go back and forth between femme and butch, male and female, and everywhere in between. My roommates and friends have pretty much gotten to the point where they can go "oh yeah, you're having a girl day" or whatever.
10/12/2012
Contributor: AnotherBrother AnotherBrother
I started as genderqueer back when I was tiny. Everyone around me was stone "male or female- PICK ONE!" and I wasn't, so I felt weird and confused. It wasn't until I was out on my own away from people with black and white mentalities that I finally figured myself out and actually became comfortable with who I am.

Sometimes I have days of "Gender? What's that?" where I'm a person and sex/gender/ect is meaningless, but in general I'm a gay guy and glad to be one.
10/13/2012