The New Intimacy

trans* and sexually confused

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Contributor: hatman hatman
Hey everyone
Um, I've been sort of questioning my sexuality- yet again haha- from being pan/bi to maybe being gay. Recognizing that sexuality is fluid and all that I've been trying not to get caught up in labeling myself so much, but it's still really bugging me.. So I was wondering if yall could share your experiences with it? And if you're gay or lesbian, how was it coming to terms with it? Do you find it hard navigating the partner (dating or sexual) pool?
02/26/2014
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Contributor: RyleyRadioactive RyleyRadioactive
Well, I'm pan (sorry if this doesn't help) but I found my attraction very easy, even during questioning my gender.

Since sexuality is fluid, you technically can say pan because it encompases all without discrimination. (My train of thought)

If you feel you need a label, than I suggest looking at clothed people on the internet of both binary genders. No one in specific, you could even just look at random clothing websites because they usually have models for it).

Thinking about play could also help you decide what you label is. What do you like or dislike about genitals?

I'm kinda getting caught up in my own head here, but I hope I helped.
03/16/2014
Contributor: angstygoose angstygoose
i can definitely sympathize. for years i thought i was a gay woman until i realized i was actually just trans, but coming to terms with my gender actually made navigating my sexuality much freer and easier. i don't really place restraints on who i feel i'm "allowed" to be attracted to anymore, i feel more able to just crush on whoever i'm gonna crush on. i suppose the most important thing to know (and something i wish i'd known) is that there is no wrong way to define your sexuality. it is completely up to you and is no one's business but your own. best of luck to you, and enjoy the journey of discovery!
03/17/2014
Contributor: VAl0984 VAl0984
Quote:
Originally posted by hatman
Hey everyone
Um, I've been sort of questioning my sexuality- yet again haha- from being pan/bi to maybe being gay. Recognizing that sexuality is fluid and all that I've been trying not to get caught up in labeling myself so much, but ... more
03/18/2014
Contributor: eroticmutt eroticmutt
I've always been attracted exclusively to cisgender men, but after a recent experience with a transman (I am a transman myself) I have realized that it's a masculine presentation and attractive partner that I am interested in, regardless of their assigned sex.

This is very new for me and also raises questions about the types of sex acts I enjoy and how satisfied I would be with this type of partner, though from what I am aware of I would be equally pleased and perhaps enjoy it even more. I don't know as this was more of a short-term occurrence than a long term relationship, but I want something long-term only.

All in all, it opened my mind while making me confused and unsure in which direction to focus my attention. Decisions, decisions.
03/21/2014
Contributor: TexasBrat TexasBrat
Quote:
Originally posted by hatman
Hey everyone
Um, I've been sort of questioning my sexuality- yet again haha- from being pan/bi to maybe being gay. Recognizing that sexuality is fluid and all that I've been trying not to get caught up in labeling myself so much, but ... more
This is a great question, and interesting as well.

For years, I thought of myself as straight. Until my first marriage failed, then, I was bi-curious.

Foolishly, I got remarried (to a man), and that lasted 12 yrs. I have a beautiful daughter to show for it, and I wouldn't have changed my situation, because if I did, I wouldn't have her.

AFter several failed dating attempts, and one screw-over, I rethought everything about my romantic relationships. I came to the conclusion that, I was single, why not try for a girl? After all, I am free to do pretty much what I want (other than being a responsible parent). So, on one of the dating sites, I changed my preferences to Seeking Woman. I had a hit less than a week later.

For the first few months of us seeing each other, I thought of myself as Pan. But, the more I'm with her, the more I think that my sexual fluidity is now rippling towards being gay. She's been out for 25 yrs, and is very comfortable saying she's gay. We've been together 8 months. My situation is a bit trickier, since I live in a small minded town, and I have to be very careful, since here in Texas, they can still fire you for being gay if they don't like it. Plus, my daughter is a major concern for me. She caught us kissing, and I have told her that I'm seeing this woman. But I think that my daughter is in a bit of denial with it. To maintain peace, my GF and I don't show affection infront of my daughter. It's a lot to take in, and I understand that. I'm still trying to figure it out.

But, she's taken me to a few gay bars, and I've been very comfortable at them. Also, she took me to the Gay Pride Parade here last weekend, which was a lot of fun. I'm not uncomfortable hanging around with her friends, and the few people on my side that I've told, have been very ok with it. It's a process. I'm still trying to figure it out. But i do know that I feel more complete in this relationship than I have with anyone else.
07/01/2015