for some reason she just cant get over that her boyfriend has female best friends. Doesnt she get how long we've been friends? He was she and we were both 12.
My transgendered bestfriends NEW girlfriend....
01/11/2011
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Honey it's mot just a trans issue, both girlfriends and boyfriend's can have issues with their new partner's old friends. It's rough being all caught up in this person and knowing that there are people who know him/her better or have shared memories that don't include you. Add in to that fact that with a new relationship they are experiencing a chemical cocktail that leaves them vulnerable to crazy thoughts and behaviors and you can see the problem.
Originally posted by
xgreatlovex
for some reason she just cant get over that her boyfriend has female best friends. Doesnt she get how long we've been friends? He was she and we were both 12.
Be patient and trust your friend. After the shiny newness wears off our friend will be able to rekindle the friendship with you...and he and his girlfriend will have some memories of thier own to share with you. You never know this new girl might just be a great person when she's not in the grip of NRE (new relationship energy).
Good luck!
01/11/2011
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@ Airen Wolf: It is indeed a an issue faced by those in all kinds of relationships but I feel as though it is an issue that trans guys come across more often. I know I do. Having more often than not identified as lesbian for a so long we often have a fair number of female friends.
Originally posted by
xgreatlovex
for some reason she just cant get over that her boyfriend has female best friends. Doesnt she get how long we've been friends? He was she and we were both 12.
@xgreatlovex: In my experience new girlfriends are often more distrusting of my lesbian friends than the straight friends. I have learned that if I can get the new girl to spend some time with my other friends they quickly realize there is no threat. Perhaps you could suggest this? In the event that they don't come around I see little point in continuing the relationship. Some times its a difficult situation, especially if you are the friend being affected.
01/12/2011
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It's probably just general nerves and jealousy. It's hard, but try not to take it personally?
Originally posted by
xgreatlovex
for some reason she just cant get over that her boyfriend has female best friends. Doesnt she get how long we've been friends? He was she and we were both 12.
01/19/2011
Be fair. In a monogamous relationship, some "friends" can be threatening. She may see love and sexual attraction, deep intimacy etc (all of which might actually even be a part of your friendship that you've reconciled over the years as "not going to happen") and she may wonder could she compete with that history if she had to?
Be honest. She probably couldn't. If she doesn't have anything to worry about it's because you and your friend are not interested in having that kind of relationship. That should be reassuring enough but it is still completely outside her control.
If she's been cheated on enough in the past, she may be seeing omens everywhere and trying to "learn from her mistakes" by being hypervigilant.
She may be the kind of person whose jealousy cannot be reasoned with. If that's the case, the relationship will probably suffocate under the burden of her fears, suspicions and accusations. Your friend will re-emerge with a bunch of crazy ex stories.
If the jealousy can be reasoned with, here are some suggestions on how to do so. Make eye contact with her, be friendly, indicate that you hear good things about her from your friend and that you are happy she makes your friend happy.
Example 1: Jason tells me you like Thai food, have you tried restaurant x?
Example 2: I heard you guys went to movie/concert/whatever , what did you think?
Specifically engage her about something she has an interest or expertise in. Give her a chance to dominate the conversation. Be interested.
I know from past experience that my lovers are often more threatened by old friends than other lovers because when we get together it becomes hours of "remember when" and inside jokes. This can be very alienating to the third party.
Be honest. She probably couldn't. If she doesn't have anything to worry about it's because you and your friend are not interested in having that kind of relationship. That should be reassuring enough but it is still completely outside her control.
If she's been cheated on enough in the past, she may be seeing omens everywhere and trying to "learn from her mistakes" by being hypervigilant.
She may be the kind of person whose jealousy cannot be reasoned with. If that's the case, the relationship will probably suffocate under the burden of her fears, suspicions and accusations. Your friend will re-emerge with a bunch of crazy ex stories.
If the jealousy can be reasoned with, here are some suggestions on how to do so. Make eye contact with her, be friendly, indicate that you hear good things about her from your friend and that you are happy she makes your friend happy.
Example 1: Jason tells me you like Thai food, have you tried restaurant x?
Example 2: I heard you guys went to movie/concert/whatever , what did you think?
Specifically engage her about something she has an interest or expertise in. Give her a chance to dominate the conversation. Be interested.
I know from past experience that my lovers are often more threatened by old friends than other lovers because when we get together it becomes hours of "remember when" and inside jokes. This can be very alienating to the third party.
03/06/2011
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Unique posters: 5