I’m almost always in a stupid mood, and just about everything makes me think of something pointless, so tonight will be no different.
As I was reading through some reviews and forum threads, I started thinking about how funny celebrity toy endorsements could be. Yes, I know that porn celebrities already do this but I was thinking about non-XXX celebrities. My first candidate for celebrity endorsement is Chuck -mother fucking- Norris!
I know that, for a while now, people have been sharing all of the “facts” about him on the internet with each other link , and that alone is a great reason to nominate him for such a position, but the reason I am choosing him is because of his 1980 classic, The Octagon. The Octagon is truly one of the most important films ever made and it has everything: Chuck Norris, ninjas, car chases, romance, revenge, and more Chuck Norris.
In honor of this movie, the first toy in the Chuck Norris line will be called ‘The Octagon’. It will be an eight-sided dildo that has a secret knife hidden in the handle. On the head of the dildo, there will be a pair of sunglasses and a moustache - which will be the brand signature for all Chuck Norris sex toys.
The next toy in the Chuck Norris line will be called ‘Missing In Action’. It will be very similar to The Octagon but it will be a round camouflage dildo.
The ‘Missing In Action II’ dildo will be identical to the original M.I.A. but it will have a dead rat in the mouth, underneath the product’s signature mustache.
The ‘Force of One’ will be a penis sleeve that turns into a dildo, and can fuck itself.
‘Code of Silence’ = ball gag. Duh.
And finally, ‘The Hand of God’, a fisting dildo molded from the most powerful force in all creation, Chuck Norris’s fist.
Hopefully someone will shamelessly steal all my wonderful ideas listed here and we’ll be seeing these toys hot off the assembly lines from China in a matter of months. Sweet!
In closing, just remember that when the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
As I was reading through some reviews and forum threads, I started thinking about how funny celebrity toy endorsements could be. Yes, I know that porn celebrities already do this but I was thinking about non-XXX celebrities. My first candidate for celebrity endorsement is Chuck -mother fucking- Norris!
I know that, for a while now, people have been sharing all of the “facts” about him on the internet with each other link , and that alone is a great reason to nominate him for such a position, but the reason I am choosing him is because of his 1980 classic, The Octagon. The Octagon is truly one of the most important films ever made and it has everything: Chuck Norris, ninjas, car chases, romance, revenge, and more Chuck Norris.
In honor of this movie, the first toy in the Chuck Norris line will be called ‘The Octagon’. It will be an eight-sided dildo that has a secret knife hidden in the handle. On the head of the dildo, there will be a pair of sunglasses and a moustache - which will be the brand signature for all Chuck Norris sex toys.
The next toy in the Chuck Norris line will be called ‘Missing In Action’. It will be very similar to The Octagon but it will be a round camouflage dildo.
The ‘Missing In Action II’ dildo will be identical to the original M.I.A. but it will have a dead rat in the mouth, underneath the product’s signature mustache.
The ‘Force of One’ will be a penis sleeve that turns into a dildo, and can fuck itself.
‘Code of Silence’ = ball gag. Duh.
And finally, ‘The Hand of God’, a fisting dildo molded from the most powerful force in all creation, Chuck Norris’s fist.
Hopefully someone will shamelessly steal all my wonderful ideas listed here and we’ll be seeing these toys hot off the assembly lines from China in a matter of months. Sweet!
In closing, just remember that when the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
