The New Intimacy

Strange Circumstances for this Anniversary

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Contributor: Chilipepper Chilipepper
So 9/26 Sunday will be my 10th wedding anniversary. Since I'm in the middle of my divorce (the lawyer is taking her time with the filing) this has given me mixed feelings. Long story short - I'm glad I got rid of him, but it feels awkward at this point since this is the first wedding anniversary since we separated.

I don't want to be stuck at home, even though it's a Sunday. I know that if I stay home I'm going to go bugfuck and spiral into a 'what-have-I-done' panic attack. I need to be around people that evening.

Any suggestions of what I can do that doesn't involve going to bars, one night stands, or other risky behavior?
09/19/2010
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Contributor: kck kck
Quote:
Originally posted by Chilipepper
So 9/26 Sunday will be my 10th wedding anniversary. Since I'm in the middle of my divorce (the lawyer is taking her time with the filing) this has given me mixed feelings. Long story short - I'm glad I got rid of him, but it feels awkward at ... more
How about seeing a movie, either by yourself or with a friend? It'll give you about two hours of escape--something else to focus on and think about. If you feel like you need more personal interaction (since movie watching doesn't lend itself to talking), going to dinner is always nice. Or if you like to do things with your hands (well, besides things you can do with your hands relevant to EF ), why don't you try baking?

Best of luck!
Feel free to message me if you want someone to talk to
09/19/2010
Contributor: DeliciousSurprise DeliciousSurprise
Quote:
Originally posted by Chilipepper
So 9/26 Sunday will be my 10th wedding anniversary. Since I'm in the middle of my divorce (the lawyer is taking her time with the filing) this has given me mixed feelings. Long story short - I'm glad I got rid of him, but it feels awkward at ... more
There are lots of things, depending on whether or not you want to be social or private on that day.

If you'd like to be social, you could do anything from inviting your friends over to dinner, or having a spa day with just the girls.

If you'd rather be a bit more private, you can rent/go to the movies, or go to a museum or art exhibit near you.


Whatever you do it should be something that YOU enjoy. Don't go to the movies and see some lame movie because whatever you wanted to see isn't playing yet--you're worth the wait. Just do something for YOU!
09/19/2010
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Chilipepper
So 9/26 Sunday will be my 10th wedding anniversary. Since I'm in the middle of my divorce (the lawyer is taking her time with the filing) this has given me mixed feelings. Long story short - I'm glad I got rid of him, but it feels awkward at ... more
You could take in a movie...make it a comedy or a real blood and gore fest. Treat yourself to a nice dinner at a restaurant and a good book. Order dessert and show yourself that this is the beginning of being independant and the sweet reward! Invite a friend if you want...invite a whole slew of friends! Either way make it a celebration of freedom, buy a new sex toy and try it out on that night to remind yourself that you CAN have sex now, and you aren't a bad person for wanting it.

Have a cupcake with 1 candle on it to celebrate your first year of freedom, because that is really what you are celebrating. You made the right decision, trust in that and be gentle with yourself. it's ok to grieve what might have been but you have done that your entire marriage...GO DANCING even if it's only in your livingroom with a few friends.

Heh read Kck's post after writing mine...great minds and all that, eh?
09/19/2010
Contributor: ~LaUr3n~ ~LaUr3n~
Quote:
Originally posted by Chilipepper
So 9/26 Sunday will be my 10th wedding anniversary. Since I'm in the middle of my divorce (the lawyer is taking her time with the filing) this has given me mixed feelings. Long story short - I'm glad I got rid of him, but it feels awkward at ... more
You could get a bunch of comedies and get icecream. Get your single or recently divorced or broken up girlfriends to come over and play games and have some good laughs. Instead of thinking of this as your 19th wedding anniversary think of it as the 1st anniversary of you starting your new life without the man that was bringing you down.
09/19/2010
Contributor: Riccio Riccio
Hello Chilipepper, I remember your mixed feelings all too well. everyone has made very good suggestions; I second having a few close friends over for dinner or some sort of celebration at your home. It could be a buffet, a pot-luck dinner, just dessert - whatever works best.

This will fill your home with affection and warmth, instead of making it a sad, empty space from which you need to escape.
09/20/2010
Contributor: Tori Rebel Tori Rebel
Check out a local events calendar - look for film festivals, small theater productions, cooking classes, something NEW that will keep your mind distracted and put you in a situation with lots of other people!
09/20/2010
Contributor: Liz2 Liz2
Don't stay home. Try to be with some friends not to hold a pity party but for some fun. Go out to eat (not alone), watch a movie together, at home with your friends. May be difficult to go to a theater and just notice the couples.
Perhaps buy yourself a new sweater...
Believe it that many women envy you for making a decision early enough to get on with your life.
I would rather be alone then with the wrong person.
09/20/2010
Contributor: Darling Jen Darling Jen
Quote:
Originally posted by DeliciousSurprise
There are lots of things, depending on whether or not you want to be social or private on that day.

If you'd like to be social, you could do anything from inviting your friends over to dinner, or having a spa day with just the ... more
I agree with Delicious Surprise. Make sure whatever you do is for yourself and something you actually will enjoy.

And personally, I prefer making myself social to feel better. I'm going through a very messy and emotionally painful break-up right now and when I'm alone, I tend to think too much and will end up crying even if the activity is one I love. But when I surround myself with people that I have fun with, it's a whole lot better.

I think maybe trying something you haven't done before or at least done in a while. When is the last time you played mini-golf or laser tag? What about taking some girlfriends to the mall and weasling yourself a free make-over? Bowling? Rollerskating? Window shopping? Going to a new restaurant and just ordering dessert?

Depending on the town you live in, you might have a lot of options for activity and I suggest something fun, social, and active. Movies are nice but if you're just supposed to sit in the dark for an hour and a half not talking and just thinking, it won't be as sucessful. (At least it wouldn't for me.)
09/20/2010
Contributor: Gary Gary
I am going out on a limb here... if you are in the mindset to think about it, it will probably keep popping up. So maybe since you are moving forward with your life, you could find something more than entertainment for the day. There has to be a list of things you are always meaning to do. Go to the gym, repaint your bedroom, build a patio, go hiking, do a painting, start writing your book. I am just saying that maybe you could use this as opportunity for your own positive momentum.

Either way, best wishes!
09/20/2010
Contributor: Chilipepper Chilipepper
Thanks for the responses - there are things to do to keep busy, and you guys have suggested many things. Still no definite plans, but I'll be looking to see if something is going on and try to get some friends together. And perhaps, like Gary suggested, find a physically busy activity, too.

Thank you all lots for your understanding and time.
09/20/2010
Contributor: Chilipepper Chilipepper
Well, this is the night.

I currently have three hard ciders in me and they just kicked in, so if this doesn't make sense, sorry.

Today is what would have been my 10th wedding anniversary. Yeah. I kicked him out last November. I don't regret kicking him out.

I regret wasting 10 years of my LIFE with the first man who offered because I was AFRAID of no one else offering. I regret being AFRAID OF LIFE all that time.

I almost killed myself because I thought I had to live with my mistake of marrying him for the rest of my life. Him and the stressed life he foisted on me because he wanted a mommy to take care of him.

NO MORE. MY LIFE IS MINE.

It's fucking lonely. 'Better to be alone than live with someone who breaks your heart.' Yeah, I agree. Yeah. And I'm not ready for anyone else yet, got too much stuff to work through, despite the needs for closeness and all that. Still don't want him back, so being alone is better.

I'm running out of coherency. Funny how I can still spell. ^_^

I don't know whether to thank everyone for allowing me to vent openly about my divorce traumas or apologize to everyone for me expressing them. I appreciate the patience and support, really.

Going to go play 'Thorn in My Side' by the Eurythmics. Loudly.
09/26/2010
Contributor: Darling Jen Darling Jen
Quote:
Originally posted by Chilipepper
Well, this is the night.

I currently have three hard ciders in me and they just kicked in, so if this doesn't make sense, sorry.

Today is what would have been my 10th wedding anniversary. Yeah. I kicked him out last November. I ... more
I'm personally trying to accept the old saying "It's better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all." Right now I just want to take that phrase and rip it to pieces and throw it in a fire... a big fire... But I'm trying.

I'm glad you got through the day, especially the night. I meant to be online to help you out and distract you but I was distraught and busy myself, packing my life out of my home... Dealing with my own demons...

But I am so proud of you for being so strong when it is SO hard to be. YES your life is YOURS and no one else's! Everything will be about YOU and what YOU want and YOU need from now on! You have support here to keep that spirit going! Toast to you and making it over that hurdle! You'll look back at that mountain one day and see a tiny hill and wonder how it ever managed to scare you.
09/27/2010
Contributor: Madeira Madeira
I hope it all turned out alright, I would have suggested doing something a little crazy like skydiving or painting your own pottery to make it the anniversary of something totally unrelated.
09/27/2010