3 year itch (private poll)

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3 year itch (private poll)

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Contributor: Peggi Peggi
After "studies", they are saying that it is no longer the 7 year itch, it is the 3 year itch! This means, after about 3 years, things start to fizzle out, problems start to arise already, etc. Basically, they say that many relationships no longer last past 3 years (marriage, mostly).

I placed this in Social, because MY question isn't directed at those who are just married. Those in relationships or even single can participate! If you'd like to volunteer feedback, you know what to do

The question is, do you feel that this "3 year itch" theory is accurate?
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
Yes it is totally accurate
8  (6%)
No, it's waaaaay off!
14  (11%)
Other, because neither of these is correct!
103  (82%)
Total votes: 125
Poll is closed
11/01/2011
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Contributor: Ash1141 Ash1141
I think it depends on the couple in the relationship. Either you can handle being with the same person for a long long time or you can't. Some people are unable to be happy in a long term relationship, period. I think these people like to blame that on this 3 year itch because that sounds better than "I just need to change it up". I think if you find the right person, there is NO 3 year or 7 year itch.
11/01/2011
Contributor: melissa1973 melissa1973
Depending on the partner, if either bring baggage the other's not ready for. I'm not talking about kids either, a lot of people (me included)want no drama that's a total downer. It's working out the differences, both sides have to be willing to bend a little my marriage lasted only a year because neither of us would bend to the others will (plus he was a total ass). It just takes time and effort on both sides to get over the 3/7 or even the 10 year hump. There's no itch it's just a hump that needs to be worked out.
11/01/2011
Contributor: eroticmutt eroticmutt
Quote:
Originally posted by Peggi
After "studies", they are saying that it is no longer the 7 year itch, it is the 3 year itch! This means, after about 3 years, things start to fizzle out, problems start to arise already, etc. Basically, they say that many relationships ... more
I have been involved with someone for three years, but it was off and on due to circumstances and we weren't really dating. Never got bored with them though, just couldn't take the issues going on and things were moving nowhere. Never been in an actual relationship with someone for that long.
11/01/2011
Contributor: Beck Beck
I have been with my husband for five years, I guess I sort of have an itch. My itch is to sleep with another woman though and he is fine with that so it is not bad. I do not have an itch to have any other penis except my toys.

Honestly I think people have the itch it is just whether or not you go ahead and do it. I just do not think there is a time frame, some get bored faster and others hardly do.
11/01/2011
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
Bigger
Better
Deal


That's the problem. I don't know when it started to happen exactly, but somewhere along the way being able to run out on your relationship when the times got tough was the "thing" to do.

"Oh, he talks to his best friend too much and goes out with the guys one night too many during the month? Dump that motherfucker! There's someone else out there for you; with 6 billion people on the planet, there has to be!"

It doesn't help that a lot of people from my generation experienced divorce as young children and didn't have solid relationship foundations to look to for examples on how to conduct their own relationships. It's much easier to walk away and start over again than it is to try and work things out. I think it ultimately boils down to a difference in maturity between the two partners.

I think people give up way, way too easily. There is not a person on the planet who doesn't have something "wrong" with them in some way. There isn't anyone who isn't damaged or disturbed or incapable of (insert noun here) and I think it's ridiculous to have the expectation that you're never going to be annoyed, that you're never going to be hurt, or that you're never doing to be disappointed with the person you choose to be in a relationship with. It happens. What matters is how you get through it and if you bail on relationships for, what is in my opinion, stupid reasons I think that says a lot about who you are as a person.

More to the point, I think constantly ending up in relationships when there isn't true love present says a lot about who you are as a person. Those type of arrangements are the most likely to fail. It's kind of like "oh we had sex, we're in a relationship now!" and then things just slowly start to go downhill.

It takes years and I mean years to learn who someone really is and the kicker is that there is always going to be an aspect of their personality that changes throughout the years.

I've held on through some really rough times, times where I thought I was going to go insane or jump off a bridge. We took a breather, came back together and made it work because we wanted to; and some people think that makes me a doormat, I think it makes me dedicated.
11/01/2011
Contributor: Jul!a Jul!a
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
Bigger
Better
Deal


That's the problem. I don't know when it started to happen exactly, but somewhere along the way being able to run out on your relationship when the times got tough was the "thing" to do. ... more
I (unsurprisingly) agree with most of this.

I do think that there's a bad habit mostly among the younger crowd, but I don't think it fully encompasses any one specific group of people, to leave when things start to get rough or boring. I have a bad habit of getting bored with things quickly, and I do think that a huge part of what's helped with my husband is that we spend every day together so I don't have time to get bored with the idea of him. I know it may seem backwards that spending time with him keeps me from getting bored with him, but I like to think it's a combination of always seeing each other and being the right people for each other.

I'll also admit that sure, there are times where I sometimes wish life had gone differently and I wasn't settled down, but I also think that a lot of people wonder "what if" even if they're completely happy, not for a longing for something different but for curiosity's sake. I think that part of the reason that relationships seem to fail when people get bored, start to wonder "what if," and then go off to find out "what if;" ending their relationship in the process.

I also agree with beck's statement of "Honestly I think people have the itch it is just whether or not you go ahead and do it. I just do not think there is a time frame, some get bored faster and others hardly do." I think she probably summed it up better than I could, but I wanted to share my feelings anyway.
11/01/2011
Contributor: SexyTabby SexyTabby
I think marriage today is defined differently then it used too be. People tend to marry for reasons that aren't good enough for a stable loving relationship and when all is said and done there is an easy out, divorce. Couples tend not to have enough going for the relationship and then they jump in trying to find stability or emotional love through having children - compounding a bad situation. Other times people change over the years and what's left isn't always enough in their eyes to fight for and again divorce is easy.

Though I do believe divorce is necessary for many many couples who jump in, are abused or have other issues. I think marriage should maybe not be so easy. If that was something to work for then maybe it would be a little more obvious what the future may be like and if still interested it could be worth working for and fixing when there are problems.

There is nothing easy about a good long lasting relationship. Like anything else that's good in this world it requires hard work, dedication, love and respect as well as communication, common sense and knowing when to step back and let a loved one rant. Nothing ever comes easy.
11/01/2011
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by Jul!a
I (unsurprisingly) agree with most of this.

I do think that there's a bad habit mostly among the younger crowd, but I don't think it fully encompasses any one specific group of people, to leave when things start to get rough or ... more
And I, not surprisingly, agree with you about spending every day together.

I guess I stumble when it comes to the theory that people leave or seek new things when they're bored because I ultimately do not expect anyone to be an entertainment center for me. If I can't keep myself occupied and interested in something, how can I expect someone else to? I think it's definitely a two-way street, though. You have to be an interesting person to keep someone interested.

I always try to approach it like this:

Love is love, no matter the cost or the weight you have to bear. If you feel it's worth it, then you have an obligation to yourself to see how it ends.

Hatred is not the opposite of love, indifference is. If there's ever a point in the relationship where you honestly can look at your significant other and say "I don't care what happens to you or where you go, just get away from me", then it's over.

If it's not okay, it's not over. If there's nothing left to fight for, or there was never anything to fight for in the first place, then I can totally see severing ties and just letting each other walk away. But, I honestly, with all my heart, believe that is so very rarely the case when it comes to relationships.

Kind of off topic, but not really: Whenever I read relationship questions or problems and responders take one side (usually the female's), I wonder why they never ask what part of it she owns. Did she do everything she could to keep the bedroom hot and make her significant other feel special, needed and loved? Did she refuse his attempts to make her feel the same due to a petty hurt that's long been in the past?

Eh, I guess I'm spoiled. I've had to fight harder than a lot of people in relationships. We fought against family, friends, strangers...medical catastrophies and countless episodes of finanicial destitution. At the end of the day, I still *liked* him. And when I didn't *like* him, I knew I loved him and that (as cliche as it is) this too shall pass.

People are flawed. Some cheat. Some say stupid things. Some do stupid things. It doesn't mean that they aren't deserving of love, it just means they need a slap in the face and a support system to get over what they've done.
11/01/2011
Contributor: BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
There is very little that can go wrong in a marriage that is unable to be resolved. Too many people just stop fighting for it.

I've been nearly divorced twice. Both times we decided that we should try to work through the problems before we just walk away. Both times, it's resulted in us deciding that it's not worth walking away. We've overcome (and are still overcoming the most recent problems) problems that would make most people run screaming from their marriage. We said, "forever." We meant, "forever." We both have some pretty hard limits of, "If this happens, it's a deal-breaker." If either of us decides to cross that line, it was over before we ever made the decision.
11/01/2011
Contributor: BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
And to put it in perspective, Thursday is our 9 year wedding anniversary.
11/01/2011
Contributor: GenderSexplorations GenderSexplorations
I think it really depends on the couple and these 'seven year itch' and 'three year itch' theories are really relative... Some couples go for fifty years or more, some barely last through a year or less.
11/01/2011
Contributor: AngelvMaynard AngelvMaynard
I think in long term relationships one of the biggest hurdles or "itches" is learning to deal with change and the rate of growth as people. Relationship dynamics change over time as do the outside circumstances. Careers, children, medical issues, financial ups and downs, self esteems go up and down and some times it's hard to be on the same page at the same time. I think Stormy said something that is important, sic.. How much of the "itch" or irritation for that matter do you own? It's hard but if you can take yourself out of the role of victim of what you think is going wrong, then it allows you to look at the relationship objectively. It has to be ok for your partner to grow and change and you have to allow that for yourself as well. Relationships have growing pains and so do the people in them. Learning to love the relationship in all it's stages can be the hardest part for people I think. I hear people talk about "how it used to be" instead of trying to figure out how it's going to be going forward. JM2C
11/01/2011
Contributor: Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
Bigger
Better
Deal


That's the problem. I don't know when it started to happen exactly, but somewhere along the way being able to run out on your relationship when the times got tough was the "thing" to do. ... more
LOVE IT! So well said.
11/01/2011
Contributor: Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
Quote:
Originally posted by BBW Talks Toys
There is very little that can go wrong in a marriage that is unable to be resolved. Too many people just stop fighting for it.

I've been nearly divorced twice. Both times we decided that we should try to work through the problems before we ... more
I very much agree with you on this. We've been married 31 years and found the best cure for an itch or whatever is the word "commitment". We're committed to each other no matter what.
11/01/2011
Contributor: NaughtyNikkie NaughtyNikkie
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
And I, not surprisingly, agree with you about spending every day together.

I guess I stumble when it comes to the theory that people leave or seek new things when they're bored because I ultimately do not expect anyone to be an ... more
Greatly said !!
I agree with this 200%, you hit the nail on rhe head & I'm right there with you as far as past problems go & I'm still here fighting the battle against family after 2 yrs of being married & having a baby 3 months ago. Our kids are treated different by both our families, my 4 yr old is from a past relationship & even tho hubby has been there for 3 yrs & claims he is HIS... His family won't except it.. It's causes issues but it's there problem, if you can't except BOTH kids you don't need to have anyrhing to do with either of them!! Call me a bitch but it's not fair to a 4 yr old who doesn't understand why he is outcasted & not treated equal.. I will not allow it to happen so till they can except both they can fuck off !!!

sorry went wayyy off topic lmao
11/01/2011
Contributor: El-Jaro El-Jaro
For the longest time, it seemed to be a year to a year and a half with me.
11/01/2011
Contributor: Peggi Peggi
A huge factor in this if you ask me, and this won't apply to everyone, is that people like self gratification way too much in everything. If it isn't all about their wants and needs constantly they feel they aren't taken care of. Sometimes they see it as neglect on their partner's behalf. And worse off, I think often people tend to want things to come easily. Marriage isn't easy and neither are relationships in general. You have to work at them sometimes, if not most of the time in some cases, and a lot of individuals take the easy way out. I see it in my friends too often. They meet their future EVERYTHING and he or she is PERFECT...until he or she forgets to take the trash out or do dishes making them a slob, or forgets the ice cream when it's that time of the month so they must not care about their pain, or says the wrong thing and they are the worst thing to walk the planet.

People make mistakes and yes, some shouldn't be forgiven such as abuse, but we pick on the little things. I was with the same ASSHOLE for 6 years and it was the abuse that chased me off, but the little things I didn't let get to me. Now, I don't let them get to me in my current relationship, either. Sure he makes mistakes and there are times I wish I could do this -----> but I know I do the same thing to him sometimes, and I'd hate him to leave me over it, instead of just talking to me about what I'm doing wrong...and I think so many people don't see it that way which is what creates statistics like these!
11/01/2011
Contributor: The Curious Couple The Curious Couple
I know this is simple compared to some of the longer responses, but it depends on the relationship and the people involved.
11/01/2011
Contributor: Hallmar82 Hallmar82
It may be a coincidence, but yes, my wife cheated on me after 3 years of marriage. It may be just enough time after being together for someone to crave those lost honeymoon feelings.
11/01/2011
Contributor: Steve of Eden Steve of Eden
I would say that it depends on the people in the relationship... but I do think that 3 years is probably accurate for an average... people jump in to things too quickly these days...
11/01/2011
Contributor: married with children married with children
if your relationship is based on more then just the physical, then it will last as long as you are working at it.
11/03/2011
Contributor: CS2012 CS2012
Quote:
Originally posted by Ash1141
I think it depends on the couple in the relationship. Either you can handle being with the same person for a long long time or you can't. Some people are unable to be happy in a long term relationship, period. I think these people like to blame ... more
I agree with you completely.
11/03/2011
Contributor: Jobthingy Jobthingy
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
Bigger
Better
Deal


That's the problem. I don't know when it started to happen exactly, but somewhere along the way being able to run out on your relationship when the times got tough was the "thing" to do. ... more
This. It blows my mind how quickly people are just willing to toss in the towel. Friends call me, too often, because of some measly little problem that can be resolved by something as simple as... talking! Who knew right? Sitting down and having a grown up conversation usually can fix a whole hell of a lot.

I also find that as of late people rush into everything. They are together a few weeks and next thing you know they are getting married and moving in together. What ever happened to just dating? Being together? not having to worry about all the rest. The man and I have been together for 3 years and do not live together. We are happy. Will we get married? Yeah, maybe one day. Will we move in together? Sure, one day maybe for that also. But why does it need to be now?

People actually say to us "whoa! 3 years and you havent gotten a place together yet?" Why do we need to. Meanwhile we, the crazy couple that are not rushing everything, are the ones that fight the least of all the couples we know.
11/15/2011
Contributor: TheSlyFox TheSlyFox
It truly depends on the person/couple. Sometimes One or the other just wants to have something new when the "shiny new toy" effect wears off.
11/16/2011
Contributor: Sex'и'Violence Sex'и'Violence
Quote:
Originally posted by Ash1141
I think it depends on the couple in the relationship. Either you can handle being with the same person for a long long time or you can't. Some people are unable to be happy in a long term relationship, period. I think these people like to blame ... more
I agree with this completely.
11/16/2011
Contributor: Missmarc Missmarc
Quote:
Originally posted by Peggi
After "studies", they are saying that it is no longer the 7 year itch, it is the 3 year itch! This means, after about 3 years, things start to fizzle out, problems start to arise already, etc. Basically, they say that many relationships ... more
I think there are a lot of factors involved. Time could be one variant in the success of a relationship because people get tired of each other. I've seen many relationships that lasted shorter and a lot longer.
12/26/2011
Contributor: eeep eeep
It depends on the relationship and the situation. There is so much variability in this.
12/26/2011
Contributor: poetprincess poetprincess
Quote:
Originally posted by Peggi
After "studies", they are saying that it is no longer the 7 year itch, it is the 3 year itch! This means, after about 3 years, things start to fizzle out, problems start to arise already, etc. Basically, they say that many relationships ... more
I agree it is mainly because after even a year or two, couples get comfortable and set in a routine. They do not even realize it. Then one of them starts to get annoyed by the little things they use to ignore. I have been with my man for almost 4 years and this last year I have gotten so frustrated with alot of things that I normally wouldn't have gotten mad about. I gave him the ultimatum of things change by the time our anniversary rolls around in march or we are done..
12/26/2011
Contributor: poetprincess poetprincess
Quote:
Originally posted by Jobthingy
This. It blows my mind how quickly people are just willing to toss in the towel. Friends call me, too often, because of some measly little problem that can be resolved by something as simple as... talking! Who knew right? Sitting down and having a ... more
I have actually tried to talk to my man, in many many different ways and he always trys to change the subject or he ignores the issue instead of trying to fix it. I really wish he would talk to me about it. I used to be able to get a few beers into him and he would talk to me about anything. now he wont touch a beer cause he is scared he may say something he dont want me to hear..
12/26/2011