Advice Column

Hahaha, that's so awesome!!!

While we don't allow the option to post anonymously on the forums for a variety of reasons, if the questions are sent directly to me via email accounts, the chances that I'll be able to connect account names to email accounts is pretty much slim to none.

So, I would get the question and then make a forum post with the question, opening it up to the community and the person who asked the question will be able to read over the answers and chime in if they choose to, but they certainly don't have to do so.

It would essentially operate like a Dear Abby column, except you guys are giving the advice instead of one dedicated person. The only identifiable information will be the details in the question, and it's entirely up to you what you reveal.

I'm not sure you understand the format that we're after here.

An email would appear in my inbox and it would say something like this:

"Dear Eden,

I have a problem. I'm in a great relationship and everything is going well but, and this is going to sound silly, I think my boyfriend likes his dog more than he likes me. If I'm standing by the door when he comes home from work, he greets the dog first no matter where the dog is in the house and then takes a few minutes to greet me. All I get is a peck on the cheek and sometimes he'll ask about my day, but it's rare.

He buys little presents for the dog, but I haven't even gotten so much as a flower picked from our lawn in the five years we've been together and he got the puppy AFTER we started dating. Is this natural to be so jealous of a pet that I've thought about dropping him off at the pound and saying he ran away? (I wouldn't but it has been tempting in the past.)

Signed,

Down About the Dog


Then a post would go up with just that email. It would be posted by an administrator, not the person who wrote it. The community at large would weigh in and the person who submitted the email can sit back and watch it all come to light and then take the advice for what it is or what it isn't.

It would be an anonymous arena for the submitter and they could respond to the comments if they so choose, but they really wouldn't need to comment at all. It's like a sounding board for your problems. Sometimes you just need to see how others would react using the criteria you've chosen as the most important pieces of information about the situation when weighing all of your options.

So, no there is not going to be an opportunity for people to become indignant over the advice given unless they choose to reveal they are the person who submitted the question. And if it gets out of hand, it can always be shut down and we'll never do it again. But, I trust the community to be open-minded and to remember that no matter the situation, if you're reading it on Eden it's attached to a real-live human being with feelings who just needs a different perspective.

I almost feel the opposite...As stormy` said, it's important to keep in mind that the person you are helping is indeed a living breathing person with feelings. When I've asked for advice in the past, people attacked ME instead of the situation. It's a good idea, just makes me a little nervous that some people won't be considerate of other's emotions.

Being considerate is certainly understandable, but often other people can see things the person IN the middle of the crisis doesn't see. I see often people getting upset when something obvious, but not necessarily what they wanted to hear, was pointed out. Being HONEST is also important when dealing with people who ask for help.

F'instance, the person who posts the "boyfriend and dog" issue may want people to simply say, "What a jerk your boyfriend is he "should" be paying his attention to you." When there are often other issues, that may need to be brought out into the open, before the issue is really solved. Do we want resolution? Or do we want to only tell the person who submitted the issue that they are being victimized?

I mean, if people want to do this, they are welcome to it. But, I do find often when people "ask for advice" is isn't really resolution that requires them to make any changes that they really want to hear about.

Honestly, I think one of two things would happen, it would turn into a forum for empty platitudes and greeting card sentiments, or it would turn into a powder keg. But, that's just how I'm seeing it. OR, if those who sent in their issues were OK with it, it might be helpful, but questions would need to be asked OTHER THAN the original question so the root of the problem could be uncovered. How will that be handled? Unless it's handled properly and with honestly, I don't know how it would turn out.

Just sayin'.

Right! I posted this in an edit, and I agree. MORE than just the original issue as presented would need to be reported, so the entire problem could be dealt with.

This is what I was going to post as an edit to my last post: OR, if those who sent in their issues were OK with it and wanted to really deal with the issue, it might be helpful, but questions would need to be asked by the community OTHER THAN the original question so the root of the problem could be uncovered. How will that be handled?

Unless it's handled properly and with honesty, I don't know how it would turn out.

Rarely is a relationship problem ONLY one person in the relationship's fault. That seems to be what upsets people so often and causes others to perhaps lack honesty in their questions and suggestions.

How would questions asked by the community be dealt with AFTER the original post was (anonymously) posted?

It's not nearly as complicated as one might suspect, but I think we're over thinking the concept here. I will give it some more thought and keep reading these responses to see what everyone else thinks of it. I do appreciate all the feedback, so keep it coming!

you know, sometimes it's good to over think stuff! Unfortunately, it's a preview of what will probably happen with an advice column lol

I agree. It might be worth a shot. But, it will be a lot of work for the person organizing the column.

If someone wants to give it a shot....

Here is a test reply:

Have her look at some lingerie and pick out a piece to wear for him. Then after they get good use out of the piece, tell her to show him the site. Have her tell him how she learned about the site and that they have a points program for all this interesting stuff. Then she should say something like " I can get more lingerie for free, do you think you would be interested in trying out some of these items?" And she should show him what she is interested in trying. Have her tell him it could be a lot of fun!

I don't disagree with your point... but I think you might be over-complicating a simple idea. The basis here is for an in-community platform for members to ask questions and request 'simple' advice anonymously; and also to benefit from the vast wisdom of the community.

I think, honestly, that the community members need to be aware of how they speak and relay their advice when participating in these threads. It's all about presentation. If you are compassionate when dealing with people, they will see that you are genuinely trying to help, not trying to tear them down and point out all of their flaws. We are human beings and we are all flawed, some more or less than others, but flawed nonetheless.

As Gary said above, this is for people who are at a point where they have to make a decision and wish to seek objective, third-party advice. I realize that we all have anonymity due to screen names and such, but sometimes you just need to air your dirty laundry without anyone knowing it's you...does that make sense?