I'm not sure what I think of everything...

Right after I posted this, I got an e-mail from him stating that he's received no calls from me all day, and that he's been having trouble calling me. I ran across the street to the payphone and called him from there, where we talked for a little while.

I ended up taking a cab to go and see him for 30 minutes. He says he only had 30 minutes because his step dad was on the way to pick him up and they were going to the hospital. So... we went to his apartment. I didn't do a lot of looking around; I just laid on the couch with him, as all I really wanted to do was be close to him for a bit.

I did see a wall in the kitchen though, which had pictures drawn all over it. One of the pictures drawn had my boyfriends name, a womans name, and the name of his cat, with little pictures like a family drawn under it. There was scribbling over that, however. When I asked my boyfriend about this, he simply said: "it's an ex girlfriend that used to live here...she's been gone a long time now." less

I thought so.

The entire wall was covered in drawings. Lots of little "Hi" messages, with signatures from his friends... lots of random quotes, and drawings... I guess it's not that strange that someone (it wasn't his handwriting) would've written his, his hopefully ex girlfriend, and cats name on the wall...

but I don't know what to think of it. less

I'm so sorry your trip has turned out this way. I don't know if he's distracted by the situation with his mother, immature, or just a louse, but if he can't make time for you, then at least treat yourself to some exploration and fun. Scotland is beautiful — and one of the few places on earth men wear skirts with no underwear Try to take some time for yourself — that doesn't involve thinking of him — to clear your head.

Feel better! less

I am such a wreck at the moment. As I write this, I am crying so hard that I literally cannot see the screen, and I can't get myself to stop. I've been like this for hours now.

Some of you may know that I was dating a guy from Scotland...was, am... I don't even know. I recently came to visit him. I arrived on the 21st, and I leave tomorrow morning. I have seen him only twice since I've been here, and only for hours at a time.

He says his mom is seriously depressed, and was recently diagnosed with having brain damage from a serious illness (as in, nearly died) that she experienced a few months back. He says she tried to kill herself last weekend. So... he's been unavailable.

He keeps telling me how much he adores me and wants me, but... he can't find the time to come and say goodbye to me.


I just needed to vent, and get everything out there.

I feel like...well, I feel like throwing myself off a bridge right now. Don't worry, I won't. I just can't stop myself from crying. less

Are you sure he isn't married? Gawd, I hope he's just wrapped up in a nasty little problem with a parent's illness but why wouldn't meeting the woman he is crazy about make his mother feel better? I am so sorry you had such a miserable trip to such a lovely Country. You do deserve a hug I do hope things will get better for you. less

I did go to Edinburgh, Stirling, and Loch Lomond, so I had a little bit of fun. I went to the zoo and saw cute animals!

And now he and I are talking on messenger... it's nearly 1am and I need to wake up at 7am for my flight, but I think I'll take being exhausted for my flight. Better to be exhausted on the flight than in tears, right?


He's being quite romantic now... telling me how he regrets how this trip went, how he can't stop thinking about me and how he blames himself for everything and understands if I tell him to leave me alone for good. ..but that he will be absolutely "gutted" if I do. I told him I'm willing to try this one more time... I'll come visit in a few months, or he'll come to me.. whoever can afford it at the time... and if it goes the same way, then we need to say goodbye. less

At the airport now, waiting for my final flight home.

He keeps saying that he owes me by being the one to travel to me next time, and that he's going to do so by the New Year. I hope he does, but I also know that money is very tight for him right now, and that if the situation with his mum is true, his mum is such a wreck that he won't be able to leave her for long. Usually I'm the one to do the travelling because my job allows me time off (unpaid, unfortunately) whenever I like, and my current living situation allows me to be able to afford the trips. But... he certainly does owe me something.


I'm just glad that he realizes that he owes me. He kept telling me the other day that he owes me big time, and that he doesn't know how he'll ever make it up to me..though he swears he'll figure out a way. less