The New Intimacy

Do you agree with the saying, " don't judge a book by its cover"?

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Contributor: Peggi Peggi
There is a saying we are often taught growing up "don't judge a book by its covers". While this can stand true in many cases, and often we mistake certain visual ques for knowing a person when really, we don't, sometimes it just isn't!

For example, this whole topic idea was started when a friend of mine commented on her cousin's scary ex-boyfriend. Everyone was so shocked when he put her in the hospital (physical abuse) and I was just thinking "really? The guy even LOOKS like a criminal!".

Though it is true that you shouldn't typically judge a book by its covers...if the cover is riddled with naked women and alcoholic beverages, chances are the book isn't good for kids to read!

Sometimes you look at a "cover" and just know that the "book" isn't right! So, when you meet new people, do you sometimes judge them by what you see? Don't worry, this poll is private, so don't worry, you can be honest
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
Sometimes I judge people based on appearance
40
I always judge people based on appearance
4
I never judge people based on appearance
3
I prefer to get to know someone, at least a little bit
38
Better safe than sorry, if they look like someone I won't like I avoid them!
1
I tend to only do this when people have warned me about the person
9
Other, which I just might explain if you are lucky!
2
I avoid zombies ;)
16
Total votes: 113 (60 voters)
Poll is closed
06/17/2012
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Contributor: - Kira - - Kira -
I'll always make an initial judgement on appearance. I think that's just human nature. Sure, I could try not to, but why bother? Unless that judgment says "run for the hills!!" I'll still get to know someone at least a little before calling final judgement on if I like them or not. Every now and again first impressions are wrong, but lots of times if it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and sounds like a duck - it's usually a freaking duck.

I know full well people judge me on my appearance as well. I've had many now friends tell me they knew I was "kinky" or "different" or some other weird adjective as soon as they saw me. I don't know that I give off that vibe, but I am "kinky" and "different" and all sorts of other weird things, so I guess whatever vibe I'm giving is accurate.
06/17/2012
Contributor: Love Obsessed Love Obsessed
I sometimes judge people on their appearance.Recently I've been working on the fact that I'll not like someone because they look like someone that I don't like.I try to tell myself that they can't help that they look like this person and that don't even know them.
06/17/2012
Contributor: js250 js250
I use appearance to figure out if I should be more guarded than normal when getting to know someone. Personality is the major factor for judging if I will like someone or not. I have learned to back away and go from there. I used to put myself out there and try to get to know everyone--but when you get hurt too many times, you learn to hold back.
06/17/2012
Contributor: Talena Talena
I won't judge someone by appearance...Sometimes people permanently modify their look when they were in a phase in their life but it really has nothing to do with how they are now. I will also add that if someone "looks" in a negative way in appearance, I may use caution when getting to know them. But it won't stop me from getting to know someone. I will just use a little caution until I know the kind of person they are.
06/17/2012
Contributor: nanamondoute nanamondoute
I was have a first impression of someone and will remember it, but that doesn't mean I won't get to know them. Well, unless I am scared of that. You can be pretty sure I will stay away from a tattooed guy hurrying away on a loud motorcycle.
06/17/2012
Contributor: Chilipepper Chilipepper
If appearance judging were true, nobody would have any friends. (And I wouldn't get laid at all.)

Any rate, I rely more on my "gut" now than anything else. "S/he doesn't smell right." is the warning I use whenever I meet someone that seems "off". They may seem okay, but there's some vibe they give off that doesn't sit right with me. Hardly ever wrong (unless my hormones are involved). Appearance doesn't play into it.
06/17/2012
Contributor: ToyTimeTim ToyTimeTim
I have been around all types of people, everyone from goody goody church folks, bikers, punk rockers, nerds/geeks etc. quite a few of them became good friends and are great people. So nothing really screams "Watch out for that one" when I meet someone new. I just use a different approach with different folks.
06/17/2012
Contributor: Falsepast Falsepast
Sometimes I judge people like that.
06/17/2012
Contributor: Badass Badass
I don't judge before I meet someone. A cover is just a cover.
The only exception to that rule is when I'm walking down a dark street and a fellow is following me.. It makes me anxious and I immediately think "he's gonna attack me, he's gonna rob me, he's gonna rape me, oh god please don't let me get raped". I'm not even judging a book by it's cover, it's just a tad intimidating to me.. then again, I live near the D and junk like that happens frequently and you have to get nervous of people..
06/17/2012
Contributor: Claire-Bear Claire-Bear
I judge mannerisms, carriage, eye contact, and hygiene. Everything else, like specific styles of clothing etc. mean very little to me.
06/17/2012
Contributor: Geogeo Geogeo
I think you can tell a lot about a person by their 'cover' but not everything.
06/17/2012
Contributor: Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
I try not to judge anyone - much less by appearance. But I'm human and sometimes have to stop myself and have empathy for all regardless of appearance.
06/17/2012
Contributor: Annemarie Annemarie
I judge books by their covers all the time. Some of my most favorite books have been ones that I've bought totally on a whim because I liked the cover.

Oh, you didn't mean that way? Well...
06/17/2012
Contributor: meitman meitman
Quote:
Originally posted by Gunsmoke
I try not to judge anyone - much less by appearance. But I'm human and sometimes have to stop myself and have empathy for all regardless of appearance.
I agree with this. I always strive to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, but I'm human so sometimes it doesn't work out that way. I've known people who looked really rough and they end up having a heart of gold, and then there are people who you think wouldn't hurt a fly and they can be the worst of all. Everyone deserves a chance, but you can still use common sense to protect yourself.
06/17/2012
Contributor: booboo111926 booboo111926
sometimes you just cant help but to judge right away.
06/17/2012
Contributor: T&A1987 T&A1987
i'm writing a children's book about how not to judge a book by its cover, but be aware of serious red flags. I only need people to draw and publish the worst thing ever.
06/17/2012
Contributor: Kitten has left the site Kitten has left the site
I don't judge anyone by their looks, but by how they treat me. If I'm treated like shit everytime I meet them, then I'm not going to like them, unless I hear they had a rough day or something or is being abused then I will change my mind, but it's really the IMPRESSIONS for me.
06/18/2012
Contributor: Errant Venture Errant Venture
You can actually judge a book by its cover. It's called cold reading.
06/18/2012
Contributor: Peggi Peggi
Quote:
Originally posted by Errant Venture
You can actually judge a book by its cover. It's called cold reading.
I just posted on your wall about this! I know about cold reading that you use when you have some type of audience, judge a person's life or reactions by studying them. I think it's SO fascinating!
06/18/2012
Contributor: PropertyOfPotter PropertyOfPotter
I think it's human nature to judge people based on what they look like, but I don't agree with the fairness and I try not to let it get in the way of getting to know someone.
06/18/2012
Contributor: J5ive J5ive
I try no to judge people based on how they look
06/18/2012
Contributor: unfulfilled unfulfilled
I try not to judge people on how they look, but I think first impressions are important and are hard to bypass.
06/18/2012
Contributor: Jaimes Jaimes
The situation makes a difference to me. If I am meeting someone new at a social gathering that I already feel is safe and comfortable, then I can put aside first visual impressions in order to get to know someone.

If I am in public, or amongst many strangers, then I do judge books by covers, because I'm more interested in my personal safety and awareness than someone's feelings. If you're sending off visual cues to me that you are a threat to my personal space, don't be surprised by my wary looks and the physical distance between us. I prefer to be aware of my surroundings and possibly offend someone than caught off guard because I felt I needed to be more polite.

Also, I do think there is now such a variety of clothing and style choices out there, people are really able to 'wear' their personalities and personal values. Style is readable, and not every book jacket I read I like...
06/18/2012
Contributor: meezerosity meezerosity
I try not to because it happens to me so often.
06/19/2012
Contributor: GONE! GONE!
Well, there are some things people shouldn't judge (Like, if someone is just ugly that's not their fault and if they wear crappy clothes they might not be able to afford nice ones.) but if someone is dressed in a way that makes it obvious they want to be seen as a person you wouldn't like, well... It's only fair to judge that since it's intentional.
For example, if someone sees me wearing a horror movie t-shirt and they can't stand people who watch horror movies I'm not gonna blame them for avoiding me because I'm broadcasting what I like.
06/19/2012
Contributor: Errant Venture Errant Venture
Quote:
Originally posted by Peggi
I just posted on your wall about this! I know about cold reading that you use when you have some type of audience, judge a person's life or reactions by studying them. I think it's SO fascinating!
I've posted my answer on your wall . It's a great read, go read it!
06/19/2012
Contributor: Bullfroggy and Rose Bullfroggy and Rose
I read somewhere that you make your first impression of someone within 4 seconds of seeing them for the first time.
06/19/2012
Contributor: Stinkytofu10 Stinkytofu10
Quote:
Originally posted by Peggi
There is a saying we are often taught growing up "don't judge a book by its covers". While this can stand true in many cases, and often we mistake certain visual ques for knowing a person when really, we don't, sometimes it just ... more
Of course I judge people by their appearance. The first thing I notice about someone is their gender, this changes the way I react to what they say.
06/19/2012
Contributor: Sinfully Sinfully
Sometimes, it's human nature and I'm sure it's something we all do. I def like to get to know people before I judge them on a whole though.
06/23/2012