The New Intimacy

Don't make someone a PRIORITY if they only make you an OPTION.

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Contributor: LusciousLollypop LusciousLollypop
My Nana, you have all mostly heard about my Nana. She has taught me many things in life, she is my rock. She saved my life. She has been there through the laughs and the tears, given me advice and been there when I needed her to just hug me. She has done so much and continues to do so much more for me. I love her to death.

She has always told me "Don't make someone a priority, if they only make you an option"

I try to stay true to this statement and wonder if anyone else has ever been in this situation. I have made someone a priority in my life, and I wonder.. Am I only a option?
Answers (public voting - your screen name will appear in the results):
I feel like I made someone a priority in my life, and I am only an option in theirs!
Voilet , SMichelle , Zombirella , LusciousLollypop , KrissyNovacaine , Chilipepper , PropertyOfPotter , Sodom and Gomorrah , Alyona , freud13 , padmeamidala , sexfairy , BG529 , deltalima , Terri69 , Adriana Ravenlust , hhh
17
I feel like I made someone else an option, and they made me a priority!
Voilet , Nightstone , sexfairy , WhoopieDoo , hhh
5
I have been in this situation and it isn't pretty, I'll explain!
DeliciousSurprise , KrissyNovacaine , brevado , *Camoprincess* , dv8 , Adriana Ravenlust
6
I have never been in this situation, thank -insert religious belief here-
- Kira - , panthercat23
2
I have a story to tell you!
Other -- Please Explain!
Total votes: 30 (25 voters)
Poll is closed
08/18/2012
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Contributor: KrissyNovacaine KrissyNovacaine
All of my previous girlfriends made me an option when I dropped everything for them. I got out of the relationships and I am working on figuring out why I choose to date people like that before I jump back in.
08/18/2012
Contributor: LusciousLollypop LusciousLollypop
Quote:
Originally posted by KrissyNovacaine
All of my previous girlfriends made me an option when I dropped everything for them. I got out of the relationships and I am working on figuring out why I choose to date people like that before I jump back in.
You are completely and utterly brave. I honestly think I may be an option.. like I always am. I make them such a priority in my life, it doesn't seem fair. I, aswell, dropped EVERYTHING.. and for what? I wonder that sometimes. I feel like I love too much and don't think about myself enough.. when I really should. Thank you for commenting. I hope that you and I both figure out some shit.
08/18/2012
Contributor: Chilipepper Chilipepper
The friends-with-benefits ... I end up getting emotionally involved and I'm still the option for them when they've become my priority. I feel like I'm wasting my love and energy when it could be appreciated ... I just can't seem to find anyone to appreciate it ...

Never doing that again. No FWB's, no married men, no workaholics, no man-children.
08/18/2012
Contributor: LusciousLollypop LusciousLollypop
Quote:
Originally posted by Chilipepper
The friends-with-benefits ... I end up getting emotionally involved and I'm still the option for them when they've become my priority. I feel like I'm wasting my love and energy when it could be appreciated ... I just can't seem to ... more
I did that for five years. I was completely in love with my friends with benefits and made him a priority. Of course, I was only an option. We tend to go back to those bad seeds because it is what we are used to. I want to let you know that you are strong. You do not need these people in your life. And you are right, NEVER AGAIN. No friends with benefits, married men, ect. Keep to that pact with yourself. I know you can do it. If you ever need to talk, I'm here. xoxo
08/18/2012
Contributor: - Kira - - Kira -
I've never really made anyone a priority if I was only an option to them. I'm agnostic, so I have no religious belief to thank for that. Mostly just good luck, I guess.
08/18/2012
Contributor: PropertyOfPotter PropertyOfPotter
Been there, done that, bought a dozen t-shirts!
08/18/2012
Contributor: Sodom and Gomorrah Sodom and Gomorrah
Quote:
Originally posted by PropertyOfPotter
Been there, done that, bought a dozen t-shirts!
LOL I liked this: "been there, done that, bought a dozen t-shirts!" Yes, people like you and me tend to love deep and give it our all. Some people are just not like that, they might just care about themselves only. I will drop everything for a friend but I have started to restrain myself from doing it all the time. I just don't have the energy.
08/18/2012
Contributor: freud13 freud13
I have done that before but I have been putting a lot of work into valuing my self and setting firm boundaries not only with lovers but also with friends. After getting burned a few times I have learned from my mistakes.
08/18/2012
Contributor: sexfairy sexfairy
I feel like I have been in both positions at different points in my life or with different partners. It seems to be so difficult or just rare to experience a two ways, balanced relationship, where both parties love the other one with the same depth...
08/18/2012
Contributor: LusciousLollypop LusciousLollypop
Quote:
Originally posted by PropertyOfPotter
Been there, done that, bought a dozen t-shirts!
I totally dig it.
08/18/2012
Contributor: LusciousLollypop LusciousLollypop
Quote:
Originally posted by Sodom and Gomorrah
LOL I liked this: "been there, done that, bought a dozen t-shirts!" Yes, people like you and me tend to love deep and give it our all. Some people are just not like that, they might just care about themselves only. I will drop everything ... more
I totally know what you mean. I would drop everything that I was doing for a friend, and I have noticed throughout the years, most friends won't do it back. I guess it isn't their nature to do that. I only do it for a select few because I know that they would drop everything and get to me if they had to. It makes a difference knowing that they would do the same for me, as I would for them. Great post.
08/18/2012
Contributor: LusciousLollypop LusciousLollypop
Quote:
Originally posted by freud13
I have done that before but I have been putting a lot of work into valuing my self and setting firm boundaries not only with lovers but also with friends. After getting burned a few times I have learned from my mistakes.
Lessons learned, my friend. It is a hard one to learn too. I'm proud of you.
08/18/2012
Contributor: LusciousLollypop LusciousLollypop
Quote:
Originally posted by sexfairy
I feel like I have been in both positions at different points in my life or with different partners. It seems to be so difficult or just rare to experience a two ways, balanced relationship, where both parties love the other one with the same ... more
That is also a great concept to bring up. I didn't even think about that one. A balanced relationship. Does anyone even have that? Is it even possible? Is it mostly 70% one person and 30% the other or visa versa throughout daily life? Does the percents get closer and closer and finally become 50/50? I think that in the end.. it evens itself out, but I don't really know. I haven't lived long enough to experience being completely equal. I guess I'll find out sooner or later.
08/18/2012
Contributor: BG529 BG529
Quote:
Originally posted by LusciousLollypop
You are completely and utterly brave. I honestly think I may be an option.. like I always am. I make them such a priority in my life, it doesn't seem fair. I, aswell, dropped EVERYTHING.. and for what? I wonder that sometimes. I feel like I love ... more
I do the same thing....
08/18/2012
Contributor: deltalima deltalima
Quote:
Originally posted by LusciousLollypop
My Nana, you have all mostly heard about my Nana. She has taught me many things in life, she is my rock. She saved my life. She has been there through the laughs and the tears, given me advice and been there when I needed her to just hug me. She has ... more
It's good advice I try to follow as well.
08/18/2012
Contributor: *Camoprincess* *Camoprincess*
I try my best to follow this but I often find myself giving my all while the other person takes advantage of it with relationships,my marriage and friendships. Seems that when I am in a relationship and when I was married I would do my all cook,clean,do laundry,get them up for work,pack their lunches,walk them out the door and have dinner ready when they would come home. I would bring them things,do things for them even if they were capable of doing it themselves. That is just me giving and loving, my most recent ex use to take a huge advantage of me in daily life and what not. It was NEVER about me if I brought ME up I was being selfish and being told the world doesn't revolve around me. While they maybe right it doesn't revolve around me my world revolved around them and what they wanted couldn't them remotely do the same thing?! I have always been an "OPTION" never a priority. When it came to friendships I would always be there for those "friends" when their lives were falling apart,when they needed something whether it was food,a ride somewhere no matter what I was there!! Tables were turned when my life came crashing down around me an I was in need of a shoulder to cry on,an ear to listen or just someone to hangout with to get out of the house.

I am now out of ALL the above relationships/friendsh ips an I REFUSE to look back or go back to them. I deserve better then that, my most recent ex realized I was done doing for him when I was FINALLY able to stand up an tell him NO I AM NOT DOING THAT FOR YOU! It felt so great but at the same time I felt extremely guilty for doing that since I was always there and always giving and doing what he wanted or needed.

You sweetheart are strong as well and you will figure this out I know you will Just keep that pretty head up and you know I am here if you need to chat!!!

08/19/2012
Contributor: Adriana Ravenlust Adriana Ravenlust
This is all my friendships
10/21/2012