Quote:
Originally posted by
lexical
At what point do you finally throw in the towel and give up on a person? I'm struggling with this decision with a few people in my life. I have an especially hard time with deliberately letting people go because one of my best friends was
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At what point do you finally throw in the towel and give up on a person? I'm struggling with this decision with a few people in my life. I have an especially hard time with deliberately letting people go because one of my best friends was killed in a car accident three years ago. She was forcibly taken from me and I still miss her every day, so I struggle with allowing myself to give up on people, especially close friends...
One is a girl who has been my best friend my entire life. We grew up across the street from one another and have known each other since we were infants in strollers. Last year, she got married to a guy she barely knew. I tried to be supportive, but I couldn't lie to her about how I felt about her rushing into a marriage with someone she barely knew, for all the wrong reasons. (She really wanted to have a baby. Now they're having trouble conceiving.) We've hashed the whole thing out a few times, but I still never hear back from her when I reach out to stay in touch. We live in different states now, so I try to contact her often and keep our friendship alive. She never reciprocates.
The second is a recent problem. She was my first and only close friend in a new city. A couple months ago, we had a falling out because of something that was completely trivial and out of my hands. (She watched my dogs for a weekend while I was away and one of them got sick when he was with her, supposedly ruining her rug, which I could not afford to replace. I apologized, of course, a million times, offered to help clean up, etc. Nothing. She dismissed me. She's ignored my occasional reaching out for the last two months and the other night she unfriended me on Facebook! What in the hell? I could have sworn I graduated high school...I seem to recall a long, boring ceremony with an uncomfortable, ugly-ass cap and gown...This level of immaturity, passive-aggressiveness , and drama is not something I want in my life, but I miss all of the great times we've had together!
And, unfortunately...I have no one else. Compounding the issue is the fact that when I moved to Philadelphia, I didn't know a soul here. It's a year later and I have no real friendships. I have tons of acquaintances and neighbors and classmates, but...no close friends. Mostly I'm horribly lonely and missing the few close friends I have left that live out of state. I am very outgoing and personable. Where the hell am I supposed to meet people and how am I supposed to make friendships that will last? The people that I thought were my good friends have been turning out to not care about me very much at all. I am feeling very lost and lonely and frustrated...
Thanks for listening, EF family.
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oh ladyheart. bless your heart! i've found this type of flakiness in certain areas, particularly in america in general, where independence is revered as a higher value than family, friends and neighborly support. it's unfortunate but good, true friends who will stick by your side, no matter what, are getting harder and harder to find.
at times like this i try to see the alone time as a blessing, and take advantage of it as much as possible. drown myself in myself. it happened when i lived on an island in sicily for five months, and became basically isolated due to language barriers and cultural barriers alike. it was a time that i deeply introverted, faced alot of fears, produced alot of art, and came out all the stronger for it.
my hopes for you are that you can take this time to do things for yourself, for you must first and foremost be your own best friend, you alone can make you happiest. the most deeply content. and when you are content, all else kind of falls into place. of course there will always be rough times, but they will be made easier when you know how strong you can be.
i'm so sorry that these friendships have not worked out. i say get yourself a sweet kitty cat, wrap yourself in yourself. read, paint, create, and grow. take a couple short trips for yourself. go hiking alone. join a yoga class. you will find that good, true friends will pop up when you are smiling and content in yourself. you will find that those who are content inside will gravitate towards you when you are shining.
i hope this helps.
hugs.
alice.