Have you ever regretted hitting your kid?

Have you ever regretted hitting your kid?

lalyy lalyy
lalyy
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have u ever regreted hitting your kid?
07/17/2012
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Adriana Ravenlust Adriana Ravenlust
I would hope so. Who does that?
07/18/2012
GONE! GONE!
Uhh I seriously hope anyone who has ever hit their child would regret it immediately.
07/18/2012
ToyTimeTim ToyTimeTim
Define "Hit".

My kids have had a few spankings back in the day, surely nothing like I got when I as young. But still, it told them that I was serious and what they did was not acceptable. I certainly did not like doing it though.

I have never hit either of them with a fist or anything other than the palm of my hand though. If I was that mad I always walked away to cool down. Same could not be said for my parents.
07/18/2012
Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by Adriana Ravenlust
I would hope so. Who does that?
Loads of people.
07/18/2012
Ansley Ansley
I don't have kids, but pretty sure my parents never regretted spanking or beating me, even if they momentarily felt bad about it they were still able to justify it in their mind.
07/18/2012
unfulfilled unfulfilled
I'm with Tim, define hitting. My kids have gotten spankings on their behinds for doing wrong. I've never hit them like punching if that's what you mean or use any other body part besides the butt.
07/18/2012
milfstatus milfstatus
I have spanked my child and yes it makes me feel bad when I do.
07/18/2012
js250 js250
Quote:
Originally posted by ToyTimeTim
Define "Hit".

My kids have had a few spankings back in the day, surely nothing like I got when I as young. But still, it told them that I was serious and what they did was not acceptable. I certainly did not like doing it though. ...
I spanked my daughter three times in her life. I was serious about each one of them, and is was an open palm-she had been warned and the violations were deadly serious. 1. She tried to open the locked doors of the gun cabinet--without the key, but still. Forever off limits-no compromise!! 2. Playing in the road then sneaking back to the yard when she knew I was going to check on her, at that time a busy corner where we lived. 3. Going to the neighbor girl's house without letting me know. And having her friend lie about her being there!! The cops found her there after another half hour. I do not regret it--they were dangerous situations and it kept her from ever doing them again!!!
07/18/2012
Beck Beck
I'm with Tim too. My boys will get a smack on their hands for touching something they shouldn't or a spanking if they did something they shouldn't.
07/18/2012
P'Gell P'Gell
I don't do anything to a child that I wouldn't do to an adult. Hitting or "spanking" it's all the same thing, and I wouldn't do it to a child. One cannot rationalize something ugly like hitting by giving it a cute name like "spanking" when it comes to hurting non-consenting children.

There are better ways to reprimand children and less dangerous ways. I can probably count on one hand, with fingers left over, the number of times I have hit all 3 of my kids together. I lost control and I was wrong. I regret the few times that it happened and I would do ANYTHING to take back those two or three times I lost control like a criminal in my past.

I don't hit adults when I disagree with them, nor when they do things that are "dangerous" either. I don't believe in hitting children. It's wrong.
07/18/2012
Nora29714 Nora29714
A spanking and Hitting are TWO different things. I don't have any kids but my niece doesn't get it nearly as bad as I did.
07/18/2012
P'Gell P'Gell
Please tell me WHERE the line is between "hitting" and "spanking." Everybody has a different view on where this line is. That little boy who was found buried under cement in the yard of his mobile home, killed by a beating, and his father and step mother said they were "just spanking him and he stopped breathing." To THEM the line is death.

As there is NO line between "spanking" and "hitting" why do either? Research has shown NO line. Everybody's line is different. You can't make a law or raise a child with this kind of lack of definitiveness.

Here's an interesting article Eight Dangerous Myths About Spanking Your Child It explains even why it's NOT OK to hit when the child "does something dangerous." (Why does everybody who endorses hitting have kids who run into the street? I don't hit and my kids have NEVER run into the street, save my first one. It was handled by talking and a time out. She never did it again. Her sisters NEVER ran into the street. Why do hitter's kids seem SO intent on running into streets? May I ask this?)

New research has found children who are hit have issues with brain development. Please read this article on Spanking and Lesser Brain Growth and Lower IQ before continuing on with the tired, old and disproven " But, he ran into the street" or " But, she was disrespectful" stuff.

If anyone can find a peer reviewed, well done study that PROVES hitting is superior to other methods of discipline, please post it here. You won't find them, as they don't exist. Real research, peer reviewed and proven evidence not someone's "opinion" I mean.

We're adults. We can think of better, less damaging and more effective ways of disciplining our children than resorting to violence.

Can't we?
07/18/2012
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by lalyy
have u ever regreted hitting your kid?
I do and I have apologized and I will apologize as many times as she needs me to. I lost my temper once and only once and hit my child because I was frustrated. I have taken great pains to let her know that I was the one at fault and that what I did was 100% wrong and I make no excuses. "I" lost my adult bearing and took out my anger on a child.

I know I patterned this behavior off my parents who make no attempts to apologize for their adult temper tantrums and place the blame squarely on me but this is an explanation not an excuse because NOTHING can excuse attacking a child out of frustration and anger.

Children are frustrating, and yes I do use corporal punishment...but I use it correctly. It is a LAST resort and never, never, never used when I am angry. I have had to spank my children (even my really typical terrible two year old) only two to three times but it made an impression because I didn't tell them that they were bad or that I was bigger and could force compliance. It was ALWAYS to get their utmost attention, (when everything else failed)and only because they were doing something that could get them killed.
Believe me, my kids know that if they push to the point that I am afraid for their safety they will definitely find the outcome less than comfortable!

I also found that once my girls were out of diapers they simply didn't need a swat to the butt (the most I ever did) to refocus their attention. It will haunt me forever that I broke my own rigid set of rules once and really wounded my daughter's self esteem, I've never caused her real physical injury...the humiliation of getting a swat was always enough.
Used incorrectly physical punishment can be the quickest and most devastating way to erode your attachment with your child...which is why it's not the best method. Used as an ultimate last resort, however, it can be effective as a deterrent.
07/18/2012
P'Gell P'Gell
More research;

References Bryan, J. W., & Freed, F. W. (1982). Corporal punishment: Normative data and sociological and psychological correlates in a community college population. Journal of Youth and Adolescence, 11, 77-87.

Carey, T. A. (1994). Spare the rod and spoil the child: Is this a sensible justification for the use of punishment in child rearing? Child Abuse & Neglect, 18(12), 1005-1010.

Flynn, C. P. (1999). Exploring the link between corporal punishment and children's cruelty to animals. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 61, 971-981.

Frick, P. J., Christian, R. E., & Wootton, J. M. (1999). Age trends in the association between parenting practices and conduct problems. Behavior Modification, 23(1), 106-128.

Gunnoe, M. L., & Mariner, C. L. (1997). Towards a developmental-contextu al model of the effects of parental spanking on children's aggression. Archives in Pediatric Adolescent Medicine, 151, 768-775.

Johnson, T. (2001). The sexual dangers of spanking children (2nd ed.) [Booklet]. Alamo, CA: PTAVE.

Larzelere, R. E., Sather, P. R., Schneider, W. N., Larson, D. L., & Pike, P. L. (1998). Punishment enhances reasoning's effectiveness as a disciplinary response to toddlers. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 60, 388-403.

Larzelere, R. E., Schneider, W. N., Larson, D. B., & Pike, P. L. (1996). The effects of discipline responses in delaying toddler misbehavior recurrences. Child and Family Therapy, 18, 35-37.

Muller, R. T., Hunter, J. E., & Stollak, G. (1995). The intergenerational transmission of corporal punishment: A comparison of social learning and temperament models. Child Abuse & Neglect, 19(11), 1323-1335.

Roberts, M. W., & Powers, S. W. (1990). Adjusting chair timeout enforcement procedures for oppositional children. Behavior Therapy, 21, 257-271.

Simons, R. L., Lin, K., & Gordon, L. C. (1998). Socialization in the family of origin and male dating violence: A prospective study. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 60, 467-478.

Straus, M. A. (Ed.). (1994). Beating the devil out of them: Corporal punishment in American families and its effect on children. Boston: Lexington.


Turner, H. A., & Finkelhor, D. (1996). Corporal punishment as a stressor among youth. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 58, 155-166

Anyone have any to dispute or disprove any of the above?

Here's a quote from one of the more than 80, yes 80 studies that show hitting children is damaging.

despite a mountain of accumulated evidence showing the damage physical punishment can have on a child, says Joan Durant, a professor at University of Manitoba and one of the authors of the study.

"We're really past the point of calling this a controversy. That's a word that's used and I don't know why, because in the research there really is no controversy," she said in an interview.

"If we had this level of consistency in findings in any other area of health, we would be acting on it. We'd be pulling out all the stops to work on the issue."

Durant and co-author Ron Ensom, with the Children's Hospital of Eastern Ontario in Ottawa, cite research showing that physical punishment makes children more aggressive and antisocial, and can cause cognitive impairment and developmental difficulties.

Recent studies suggest it may reduce the brain's grey matter in areas relevant to intelligence testing.

"What people have realized is that physical punishment doesn't only predict aggression consistently, it also predicts internalizing kinds of difficulties, like depression and substance use," said Durant.

"There are no studies that show any long term positive outcomes from physical punishment." (NONE! My note.)

While banned in 32 countries, corporal punishment of children retains at least partial social acceptance in much of the world. Debates on the issue typically revolve around the ethics of using violence to enforce discipline.

With the study, Durant hopes parents will start to look at the issue from a medical perspective.


And IMO, from a humanitarian one, not to mention an intelligent one. We're smarter than hitting, we're better than hitting, there are always better ways to discipline children. We ONLY hit for ourselves and to vent our own anger (ON our own children!) it doesn't help our children in any way. The sooner we realize this, the better.

I am sorry for the two or three times I lost control. But, I know one thing, those few smacks did NOTHING to help my children. NOTHING. They were to vent my own anger and you're damn right I regret all two or three times it happened. I KNOW I'm better and smarter than to do that to a child. I think most people are. And more imaginative.
07/18/2012
clp clp
Very much put off by this topic. P'Gell, thank you for clarifying.
07/18/2012
Noelle Noelle
Quote:
Originally posted by lalyy
have u ever regreted hitting your kid?
I haven't hit my daughter, but one time when she was throwing a fit in public, I grabbed her up and my fingers poked her under arm and it really hurt her. It was an accident, but I still have guilt over it and that was 3-4 yrs ago.
07/18/2012
lalyy lalyy
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
I don't have kids, but pretty sure my parents never regretted spanking or beating me, even if they momentarily felt bad about it they were still able to justify it in their mind.
yea sometimes its something u have to do to set u straight lol
07/18/2012
lalyy lalyy
Quote:
Originally posted by ToyTimeTim
Define "Hit".

My kids have had a few spankings back in the day, surely nothing like I got when I as young. But still, it told them that I was serious and what they did was not acceptable. I certainly did not like doing it though. ...
hitting as in spanking/beating , some parents use a belt, others use there hands. Thats good, some parents can't hold there temper and take it out on the kid ._.
07/18/2012
lalyy lalyy
Quote:
Originally posted by Noelle
I haven't hit my daughter, but one time when she was throwing a fit in public, I grabbed her up and my fingers poked her under arm and it really hurt her. It was an accident, but I still have guilt over it and that was 3-4 yrs ago.
yea its though in public to go through all that.
07/18/2012
CaliGirl CaliGirl
Quote:
Originally posted by lalyy
have u ever regreted hitting your kid?
I've never hit her
07/19/2012
LilLostLenore LilLostLenore
Quote:
Originally posted by lalyy
have u ever regreted hitting your kid?
I belive in a slight butt slap when they dont listen, but not anything else.
07/19/2012
Total posts: 22
Unique posters: 16