many are hung up on the grossness of playing down there. she didn't have problem changing thousands of poopy diapers or asking me to do the same. but touching/playing with their lover down there (who is willing to clean themselves extremely well) to give pleasure is just off limits.

as for your husband, not sure what to say. i recently discovered an orgasm with prostate stimulation is so much better than without. then again, i don't have hang ups about the cleanliness or sexuality of doing this. i always tell my wife we might as well make the best of our sex if we are the only ones we will be with the rest of our life. less

i always tell my wife we might as well make the best of our sex if we are the only ones we will be with the rest of our life.

That very well may be the problem. No one likes to think, hear or feel that the time they're being intimate with someone else could be "better". Putting such a heavy weight on one act greatly discounts all of them and makes a person less willing to open up and try new things. less

many are hung up on the grossness of playing down there. she didn't have problem changing thousands of poopy diapers or asking me to do the same. but touching/playing with their lover down there (who is willing to clean themselves extremely well) to give pleasure is just off limits.

as for your husband, not sure what to say. i recently discovered an orgasm with prostate stimulation is so much better than without. then again, i don't have hang ups about the cleanliness or sexuality of doing this. i always tell my wife we might as well make the best of our sex if we are the only ones we will be with the rest of our life. less

Wouldn't fantasy during intimate activities be a way of imagining something "better" even if it's only in the realm of fantasy?

How would you propose something that you wanted to try that would not make a person less willing to open up and try new things? Based on that logic, isn't any new suggestion implying that your relationship could be better? On the contrary, I like to think that my intimate relationship is always improving in some way as we get more familiar with our bodies and communicate better. Outside of a mindfulness state of living in the moment, thinking "this is as good as it could ever be" seems kind of short sighted and potentially suicidal. I, at least, am not against hearing suggestions for improvement. I know nobody WANTS to be told they could stand to lose weight or stop smoking or any number of things they don't want to change, or maybe they do want to change but not enough to actually do it, or things they CAN'T change, like height, but I don't think that is the issue here. Maybe they're not excited to try something that is outside their comfort zone but how else do you grow?

All that said, communication is important and I'm not advocating forcing someone to do something that is a hard "no" for them, but you need to be able to ask for what you want, even if it's just subtle. You don't want to put someone down because they don't want to do what you want to do. If the other party is not willing, then drop it. If they're hesitant, go VERY slowly, and if they're open to it, get to it! Every relationship is different, but those are my feelings.

As for the one sexual act...I would hope for prostate play on me. She's fine with me using toys during sex and whatnot but has no desire to go there personally. I think it's because she has gotten very self-conscious about anal play in general (not sure why). When she's aroused anal play might happen on her but it's only happened once or twice on me, and never all the way to the prostate. I guess generally more anal play for both of us would be nice. less