Glad you replied, I was worried about you! I think you should take the time to ask yourself what YOU would like to have in your new bedroom, and maybe think about making it a shrine for your personal sexuality and space. My hubby and I ended up doing that for us and taking the memorials to his father and stepfather into another room that is redesigned for time together to remember and feel close to them outside the bedroom. It ended up being a better idea for our personal sexual relationship. We did not have to deal with the grief and guilt we felt at their passing as well as the memories--good, bad, sad and helpless--we feel when thinking of those wonderful people that meant to much to us in our lives. You will know when the time is right for you to think about these changes. Sometimes when you hold on to something so deep and meaningful--you cannot let go to make the new changes that must happen in your life to continue on....

I hope you do not think this is harsh, it is sincere and meant with deep care. I do not always word things to say what I am trying to convey properly. I have a bit of damage in my processing area of my brain due to a car accident a few years ago.

You may also want to think about using YOUR toys for your own sexual learning and healing as well as try what my hubby and I have recently experienced. Go on a short road trip...overnight and try the booty call that way. We went out of town and had a blast trying the voyeur aspect of our relationship in a couple o other areas....do not know anyone and was able to relax and have fun together without any reservations.

I'm so sorry and I know it's tough. I lost my ex husband a year ago the 16th of this month and then my partner in Feb., our anniversary actually. They were my best friends too. I keep praying it gets better, my prayers are with you.

First, I am sorry for your loss (you too, Chelynn67). I would be heartbroken to lose my wife, who is my best friend and mother to our two children as well. I applaud your efforts to "do the right thing" for everyone, you sound like a wonderful person.

I think this is a perfect place to "to go on and on about love and sadness." I am a romantic at heart (despite the jaded facade I show most people). We could all use some more inspiring stories of love and sometimes loss can make everyone else appreciate what we have a little more (sorry if that is selfish). Emotions are a huge component of sex, whether or not we want them to be. For that reason I would suggest waiting until you are sure you are ready before entering into any type of sexual relationship, even if it is non-committal. Speaking for myself, if I felt guilty or like I was cheating playing by myself instead of with my wife (I actually do have concerns about this from time to time), I think I would feel worse acting out my sexual urges with someone else. I am sure others have different experiences but I think it would be very difficult for me to have sex as simply a physical release and not an emotional experience in any situation, much less yours.

That said, I am sure your emotions are high right now, and finding an appropriate release is in your best interest. Orgasm is better than taking out frustrations on those around you. As for the sex toys, I say keep his away for a while and get yours out! I reaffirm the suggestions of others to masturbate by yourself without guilt. You clearly loved this man, and from what you say I think it is clear he would have wanted you to be happy, I know I would want my wife to be able to move on. We have two kids, too, so I know how difficult it can be to find a time and place to discreetly satisfy yourself but I think it would help everyone. Sex and procreation are the antithesis of death, a statement of defiance. I am not at all surprised you are horny. I think sex is a natural and logical celebration that you are alive, and you deserve to be happy.

Good luck!

I think that this is a very safe place to talk about something like this. I'm so sorry for your loss. You are still a person with needs and desires. You will know when the time is right if you want to start seeing someone new, it sounds like you have been in a stressful situation well before the time your husband died, perhaps seeking out a grief counselor would help. But most importantly give yourself time, don't feel guilty for being sexual. Get through this however you need to and take good care of your kids. I hope everything goes well.