The New Intimacy

Looking for opinions on a story I'm writing.

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Contributor: KyotoAngel KyotoAngel
I had no clue where to put this, I apologize if this is the wrong area of the forum though. I had thought to put it in EdenLit but it didn't seem quite appropriate.

Anyway, I was starting to type what I'm hoping is the beginning to a novel (started it for NaNoWriMo but I liked it so much I decided to try and work on it more).
I was sort of hoping for a few opinions on it but I don't have much of an audience on dA for my writing so I figured maybe a few of you might be willing to offer opinions and maybe some advice? =3
It's probably not going to be everyone's "cup of tea" so to speak, I'm already expecting that.

beginning of the prologue
05/28/2012
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Contributor: Chilipepper Chilipepper
I don't see anything. Do you have to be a member of deviantArt to see it?
05/28/2012
Contributor: KyotoAngel KyotoAngel
Quote:
Originally posted by Chilipepper
I don't see anything. Do you have to be a member of deviantArt to see it?
It's in PDF form so it may not be loading properly. I tried putting it in text form but the darn thing wasn't letting me space it right.

The 'Download' button might make it work if it's messing up.

Just tried loading it while I was logged out of dA (to see if you need to be a member )and it worked fine so I think it's just that it isn't loading right for you for some reason.
05/28/2012
Contributor: KyotoAngel KyotoAngel
Going to bump this in hopes of getting some feedback, also hoping bumping isn't against the rules. x_x
05/29/2012
Contributor: Chilipepper Chilipepper
Quote:
Originally posted by KyotoAngel
Going to bump this in hopes of getting some feedback, also hoping bumping isn't against the rules. x_x
Bumping is not against the rules.

I did take a look at it. It seems to move a little fast - details sort of blend into each other - but the premise is quite classic and can be taken in so many different directions. You can always fill in the transitions later since this is a draft. You have a very visual style of writing, which helps in letting the reader understand what sort of world you're building.

The only real techie thing I've a quibble with is the double use of periods. You don't need to put a period at the end of the dialogue after the quotation mark. The period before the quotation mark is fine by itself.
05/30/2012
Contributor: KyotoAngel KyotoAngel
Quote:
Originally posted by Chilipepper
Bumping is not against the rules.

I did take a look at it. It seems to move a little fast - details sort of blend into each other - but the premise is quite classic and can be taken in so many different directions. You can always fill in the ... more
It's sort of just the filler bit up to the point where she meets the protagonist (which will start chapter 1) but I still have a decent portion of it left to do.

I might have rushed it a touch though, I have the first three chapters already planned out on paper so I'm sort of eager to get to the point where they meet the main antagonist of the story. =^.^=

=) Thank you for telling me about the period thing, I always did find using double periods a little odd. But that's the way I was taught back in middle school so I never really thought to change it.
05/30/2012