The New Intimacy

Physical contact with strangers

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Contributor: Rin (aka Nire) Rin (aka Nire)
Aside from handshakes, I hate it when people I don't know very well touch me or even stand too close. It's uncomfortable and crosses a line for me, and you can generally tell how friendly I feel around you by how much contact I'm willing to make. I'm curious to see if anyone else feels this way, or if you're all more comfortable with casual physical contact.

This mainly concerns strangers or anyone you see only occasionally. Friends are another matter.
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
It doesn't bother me at all. Bring on the hugs!
13
I'm not crazy about it, but I don't really mind.
11
It somewhat bothers me, but it's no big deal.
12
I really prefer not to be touched, for the most part.
33
Touch me and die.
14
It depends/Other.
10
Total votes: 93 (79 voters)
Poll is closed
03/02/2012
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Contributor: LAndJ LAndJ
I find it really awkward, even with one of my best friends who is a close talker. I've known him since we were in middle school, but he just stands too close sometimes!
03/02/2012
Contributor: Chilipepper Chilipepper
I respect personal boundaries too much. I consider it rude to touch anyone (or be touched) without permission. I hate it when advice columnists or shows say to touch people's arms or whatever to "show interest" when you meet them - it's fecking creepy. Yes, we need touch to survive, but we also choose who we want to touch us.

The only exception I ever found to this was in the theatre community. People who refused to be touched were regarded with suspicion, mainly because actors have such "expressive natures" and tend to develop a camaraderie within minutes of being around each other.
03/02/2012
Contributor: - Kira - - Kira -
I also hate this, but then I don't like physical contact with anyone other than my husband and son. Sometimes even if my husband hugs me I get weirded out. I'm just not a touchy person. If a random person gets too close it makes me panic.
03/02/2012
Contributor: jmex83 jmex83
Quote:
Originally posted by Rin (aka Nire)
Aside from handshakes, I hate it when people I don't know very well touch me or even stand too close. It's uncomfortable and crosses a line for me, and you can generally tell how friendly I feel around you by how much contact I'm willing ... more
Depends on the person. There are some folks that I know of that are just normally friendly like that. I don't get too weirded out by it.
03/02/2012
Contributor: K101 K101
Quote:
Originally posted by Rin (aka Nire)
Aside from handshakes, I hate it when people I don't know very well touch me or even stand too close. It's uncomfortable and crosses a line for me, and you can generally tell how friendly I feel around you by how much contact I'm willing ... more
I'm a big people person and love to be around most people, but I've always been very strange about people touching me or getting close! It makes me nervous and uncomfortable. I hate when they get really close in my face to talk. I really don't like hugs from older men or strangers. I don't mind my dad or when my gradfather was alive, those hugs are great, but most do make me very uncomfortable. I'm not sure why. When my twin sis and I were just toddlers, we were scared of men and she got over it mostly, but I'm still weird around most older men. Lol. I don't like any strangers touching me or people who I don't know well unless it's a female. Something different about a female hugging me. It doesn't bother me any usually. I do hate for any person to get too close though while just talking and stuff.
03/02/2012
Contributor: Rin (aka Nire) Rin (aka Nire)
Quote:
Originally posted by K101
I'm a big people person and love to be around most people, but I've always been very strange about people touching me or getting close! It makes me nervous and uncomfortable. I hate when they get really close in my face to talk. I really ... more
It bothers me slightly less for women, too, but it still bugs me. I don't even like getting a pat on the shoulder from a stranger - if one randomly hugged me I'd probably freak out!

However, I thrive on hugs when I'm with loved ones. I actually like contact quite a lot, but I have to have a minimum level of familiarity before it's acceptable.

I guess it's because touching is a way I show love and friendship, and if I don't feel those things for your then I don't want to touch you or be touched, you know?
03/02/2012
Contributor: voenne voenne
Quote:
Originally posted by Rin (aka Nire)
Aside from handshakes, I hate it when people I don't know very well touch me or even stand too close. It's uncomfortable and crosses a line for me, and you can generally tell how friendly I feel around you by how much contact I'm willing ... more
I agree. I'm not comfortable at all with physical contact either. Even when someone is standing too close, for example in line, I get really anxious and my blood boils a bit.

I don't even usually initiate physical contact with friends or family, but will generally reciprocate if they do.
03/02/2012
Contributor: mlmac mlmac
It somewhat bothers me to have someone make physical contact with me, especially when I don't even know em. I guess it depends how long the contact lasts. If it goes too long, I get irritated.
03/02/2012
Contributor: TheCleansing TheCleansing
I don't even like physical contact with my friends. :/
03/02/2012
Contributor: Rossie Rossie
If a person gives me a friendly pat on the arm or shoulder, I'm OK with it; if someone lingers their hand on me too long for me to feel comfortable, I'll shrug it off subtly.
03/02/2012
Contributor: ap-the-aper ap-the-aper
I don't like when people hang on me. I don't like being touched without prior warning--like from behind. And I don't like people randomly grabbing my hair. Otherwise, being touched doesn't bother me too much. Hygiene is a big part of how much I care about strangers being close to me, though.
03/02/2012
Contributor: BobbiJay BobbiJay
I only allow my son, the guy I am dating and my best friend to hug me or touch me whenever they want. Otherwise touch me and I will bite you.
03/02/2012
Contributor: ksparkles16 ksparkles16
I find it really awkward too!
03/03/2012
Contributor: DiamondKoala DiamondKoala
Just because it's part of my job to touch people for a living, I've learned to become pretty comfortable with it when it happens to me during training.
03/03/2012
Contributor: BlooJay BlooJay
I don't like it.
03/03/2012
Contributor: js250 js250
I am a very reserved, private person--do not ouch unless I really, really know you!!
03/03/2012
Contributor: Shellz31 Shellz31
I HATE people I don't know well or at all touching me. I don't even like family touching me. And so help ya if you're a stranger and stand too close to me - you'll know all about it if ya don't back the f**k off!
03/03/2012
Contributor: Hibangel Hibangel
For me, it really depends on the spirit in which it was intended. If it's some jerk tryin to cop a feel then no, but I'm otherwise pretty pro-hugging. I'm a private person, so I'm usually not one to offer a hug, so somebody has to! lol.
03/03/2012
Contributor: richsam richsam
Quote:
Originally posted by Rin (aka Nire)
Aside from handshakes, I hate it when people I don't know very well touch me or even stand too close. It's uncomfortable and crosses a line for me, and you can generally tell how friendly I feel around you by how much contact I'm willing ... more
I really prefer not to be touched, for the most part.
03/03/2012
Contributor: Errant Venture Errant Venture
I prefer keeping things cordial and strict, until I get to know them.
03/03/2012
Contributor: Woman China Woman China
My general rule of thumb is... stand one metre away from me.

I hate being touched by people I don't know. Crowds scare the living beejeebers out of me. And I will never go into an elevator when there are more than two people in it.

I am afraid of people I don't know!!
03/03/2012
Contributor: unfulfilled unfulfilled
Strangers not so much, but friends and family get hugged! I'm a hugger.
03/03/2012
Contributor: Taylor Taylor
Maybe it's the massage therapist in me, but I just really like touch in general. So as long as it doesn't seem like the stanger is trying to be sexual with their touch, it doesn't bother me really.
03/03/2012
Contributor: Sir Sir
I do not touch others and I do not let others touch me unless we have come to an agreement that touching is alright.
03/04/2012
Contributor: Roz W Roz W
I like that awkward "can we hug?" moment when saying goodbye to a not-too-close friend. It gives me time to respond appropriately, and shows that my friends are generally considerate people who won't just up and grab me. I don't dislike touch so much as I dislike being surprised.
03/04/2012
Contributor: Jul!a Jul!a
There are times where being touched bugs the crap out of me, but I usually let it go because I can usually tell that they didn't mean anything bad by it.

I try to be respectful of people's personal space, and I try not to touch people until I know it's ok to. I do the awkward "do we hug?" thing and let the other person make that call. I've had one person tell me "no, I don't hug, but I'll shake your hand." and I was like "cool beans, handshake it is, and I hope you come around more often." I felt bad though when another one of my friends was all "come on, we can hug" and she just kept saying "no, I don't hug people, if I did before it was because I had been drinking but I haven't here so I don't want to hug you."
03/05/2012
Contributor: ViVix ViVix
Quote:
Originally posted by Rin (aka Nire)
Aside from handshakes, I hate it when people I don't know very well touch me or even stand too close. It's uncomfortable and crosses a line for me, and you can generally tell how friendly I feel around you by how much contact I'm willing ... more
I give off the hug-hating vibe, but I need the hugs at work. Place friggin sucks.
03/05/2012
Contributor: MelSC MelSC
When it comes to strangers I like to have my personal bubble and hate when they standthisclose to me. I always back away but a lot just don't clue in. It's the same on the bus when their legs are pressed against mine.

On the other hand, if it is a friend or someone I know well I don't mind being touched or hugged.
03/05/2012
Contributor: Azule Azule
Depends on how strange the stranger is. If I get a pretty harmless vibe from them usually I don't mind. In general though if it's someone I don't know directly it's probably a no go for the touching.
03/05/2012