self sterilization

self sterilization

T&A1987 T&A1987
for people getting vasectomies or hysterectomies and are in relationships, what do you think is the etiquette? Is it like launching a missile on a sub, both people must turn their key, or since it's your own body you're affecting, the other person's opinion is irrelevant?
12/21/2011
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Chirple Chirple
The latter.

If the personal choice bothers the partner that much, it can be their choice to leave.

They can discuss options depending on reasons, but ultimately it's the sole choice of the person whose body is in question.
12/22/2011
K101 K101
Tough one. For me, there's no way I would have ANY surgery on my body done just because my partner wants me to. Actually, it's pretty common to hear that vasectomies are less risky, complicated and far less painful than a hysterectomy. I can understand that. I don't know though because I don't have balls. Lol. I have had surgery on my uterus and all and will have a hysterectomy due to health problems, but not because my partner wants me to go through the hard part. Honestly, I say it's 100% up to the owner of the body, male or female. This is one good reason why people should really get to know a person before diving right in. Discussing future plans like this is necessary IMO. My partner has said that if it came down to it, he would have a vasectomy just so I wouldn't have to have another surgery there and so I don't have to endure more pain. I thought that was very... manly of him and honestly, I think he would totally do it just so I wouldn't have to. It's no issue though as I am unable to have kids now.

Either way it should be discussed, but ultimately, it's your body, your choice and not anybody else's.
12/22/2011
Chilipepper Chilipepper
I had my tubes tied (called a tubal ligation - not as drastic as a hysterectomy which involves taking out the ovaries/uterus), and got the ball rolling on it while I was with Master even though I had been thinking on it for several years. I'm fortunate that he also doesn't want children (we knew this about each other since day one of meeting), so his only concern was that I was positive that I really wanted it done.

The subject of sterilization is complicated, as most long-term relationships are established with one of the goals being eventual parenthood. If one changes their mind, the complications set in and things really have to be discussed; this may end up being a deal-breaker. On the other hand, any sort of surgery needs to be talked about, period - springing such a thing as a surprise is passive-aggressive (read: childish) and the relationship deserves to end.
12/22/2011
Ms. Spice Ms. Spice
I think it's a personal choice that needs to be made. Since it is happening to individual's own body, no one else should be able to control it. And if the individual is considering sterilization, they probably shouldn't be put in a position that forces them to have kids. Just my thought, though.

I gotta echo a lot of Chilipepper says, too.
12/22/2011
AndroAngel AndroAngel
It's a personal choice. If someone doesn't want children, it isn't their partner's place to tell them what they can and can't do with their body. Especially where reproduction is concerned. The person who says "no" gets the final choice when it comes to having kids, and if their partner can't handle that, they have the choice to leave.

My lover knew from the start that I was getting sterilized, although the closer I get to making it a reality, the more he seems to be anticipating it too.
12/22/2011
zwee75 zwee75
I would think that if someone was doing this b/c they wanted no children at all, that would've been discussed before the relationship got too serious.

My husband is going to get a vasectomy. It was a decision we both agreed on but not because we don't want any children, but because we're done having children. If I had had a c-section with my son (2nd child), I would've had my tubes tied. But it was a vaginal birth. And having your tubes tied is a more serious surgery than a vasectomy, hence our decision...
12/22/2011
Ghost Ghost
My husband had a vasectomy recently and it was both of our decision, but I left it mainly up to him. I do not want children at all, and I made that quite clear from the start of our relationship. I told him that I would get a tubal ligation if I ever found a doctor who would perform the surgery (unfortunately, no doctor will perform the surgery on a healthy 25 year old woman with no children, even though it it HER RIGHT TO DECIDE THE COURSE OF HER CHILDBEARING /end rant/). I have been on hormonal birth control as long as it's been legal for me to acquire it and I have had many problems because of it (mood swings, decreased sex drive, headaches, etc.), but I have stayed the course and I have never missed a day because I did not want to have children.

He decided he did not want me to undergo the surgery because of the complication risks, so he had the vasectomy. It took 30 minutes and he was healed in a week and a half.
12/22/2011
Eucaly Eucaly
Quote:
Originally posted by T&A1987
for people getting vasectomies or hysterectomies and are in relationships, what do you think is the etiquette? Is it like launching a missile on a sub, both people must turn their key, or since it's your own body you're affecting, the other ...
It shouldn't be a secret from the other person, because that's too big of a thing to be a secret in a healthy serious relationship.

However, the other person should not be allowed to pressure or force you into not doing it. It's your body and your choice for birth control. They shouldn't be able to choose for you.
12/22/2011
Cherry21 Cherry21
Quote:
Originally posted by T&A1987
for people getting vasectomies or hysterectomies and are in relationships, what do you think is the etiquette? Is it like launching a missile on a sub, both people must turn their key, or since it's your own body you're affecting, the other ...
depends on the relationship. If you're super serious, like married or something similar, then its both partner's decision. If they might want the chance to have kids, then you have to respect that too, or leave them so they can have somebody that willing to work with their life dreams. If you're alone, or its just a simple, or dating relationship, then its totally up to you!
12/22/2011
Total posts: 10
Unique posters: 10