Do you get slut shamed by your gynecologist?

Do you get slut shamed by your gynecologist?

Sera26 Sera26
I was just wondering how prevalent this is.

I had an appointment recently and even though I'm now in a real relationship she still managed to make me feel bad about it. Last time I went it had been quite a while since I'd had any sex (I was going because of pain issues) and she shamed me for my (I think) relatively low number of past partners. I don't feel like I have a choice in the matter because I can only handle going to a female gyno & she's the only 1 in the entire county.

P.S. This is not to say that I think that people who have sex with lots of partners should feel bad about it. That's what I used to want to do when I was single I just didn't have the opportunity/social skills.
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
Yes
6  (7%)
No
78  (85%)
Other
8  (9%)
Total votes: 92
Poll is closed
10/17/2012
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Mwar Mwar
Oh HELL no!

Medical professionals are NEVER supposed to judge. You could be Debbie in Dallas and the most she should say is "what kind of contraception should you use?"

Really, if you can manage, see someone else and let it be known she is this way. No other woman deserves such remarks. Talk about your experience in insurance/provider listings and everywhere. This is not right. I'm sorry you had to experience that.
10/17/2012
Falsepast Falsepast
I don't have a gynecologist
10/17/2012
potstickers potstickers
That should never happen. I suggest you report her if you feel she was really trying to make you feel bad about any part of your sexual history.
10/17/2012
sXeVegan90 sXeVegan90
No, as you shouldn't either. As potstickers said, you should report her as it was unprofessional and rude.
10/17/2012
K101 K101
Quote:
Originally posted by Sera26
I was just wondering how prevalent this is.

I had an appointment recently and even though I'm now in a real relationship she still managed to make me feel bad about it. Last time I went it had been quite a while since I'd had any sex ...
You think she "shamed" you for a LOW number of past partners? That would be the least likely thing I'd expect from a healthcare provider. I'd expect them to "shame" you over too many partners if anything, since that actually is risky for your health.

Strange. No, never experienced this at all and I've had 3 different ones over the years. My current lady is great, actually she's never asked me how many partner's I've had til my last visit, and she said she really hated to ask me these things because she felt they were none of her business or anyone else's, then she said I was free to tell her to shut up and then she proceeded to ask me how many partner's and such. LOL. I just laughed with her, and told her. My number of partners is pretty low, for my age especially and she showed no sign of judgementality toward me at all.

I think it could be the area I live in? I mean, people here are not likely to be all judgemental in that sort of way. Mostly, it's a southern hospitatlity thing I think.

I'm with you on only-female-gynos! I'm very, extremely and strictly female only. For many reasons, one being no matter how much schooling a man has he cannot ever truly know how my female parts go. Wow what county are you in? Here in my small area, we're SMALL and yet we still have more than one. All female too, unless you travel 30-45 minutes, and I prefer female anyway.

My OB/GYN and all 3 of the females I've had over the years were really kind. Except one. I do admit, she was half out of it, but I like that she was kind. I really truly don't think she had a clue where she was half the time or what the blasted heck she was even doing, which is why she's no longer there, but she was kind so it mattered. The very first one I had was the best! I was younger and so terrified of everything all the time, and she actually made a little impact in my life -- helped me through a really terrible struggle. She quit though and moved on to a better job. Then I'm with someone fairly new to me still. I like her a lot though.

I don't know how I'd handle being stuck with a "professional" who couldn't act any better than that. You know what, if things don't get better and you don't have any other female GYN in your area, you should look into leaving your experience with that office either by email or letter or in person? I know recently there was a little "take one" survey asking how the service was at mine during my last visit. I made an effort to "take one" and fill it out because I want them to know how their patients are feeling. Lol. I mean, I only wish they gave us those back when we had the zombie still working. I was happy to fill it out and let them know that their patient is finally satisfied, and they're on the right track with the new lady. So you should think about doing something like this because there's no sense in you having to put up with nasty people who should be professional, and especially in such a... scary setting! A woman should be made as comfortable as possible by the staff when visiting a place where they touch your hoo-ha! LOL. It's the least they could do.
10/17/2012
sugar&spikes sugar&spikes
Quote:
Originally posted by Sera26
I was just wondering how prevalent this is.

I had an appointment recently and even though I'm now in a real relationship she still managed to make me feel bad about it. Last time I went it had been quite a while since I'd had any sex ...
OMG ! HOW RUDE !
10/17/2012
ViVix ViVix
Quote:
Originally posted by Sera26
I was just wondering how prevalent this is.

I had an appointment recently and even though I'm now in a real relationship she still managed to make me feel bad about it. Last time I went it had been quite a while since I'd had any sex ...
I love my gyno, though originally I fought my insurance about assigning me to a male. He is VERY open and honest (he has three children in their 20s), and I can discuss even my hookups with him. However, he also is very stern when explaining what I need to do to minimize my risk of pregnancy and STDs. Perhaps I shame myself a bit though because I feel uncomfortable telling anyone all of the details of my sex life.
10/17/2012
Rod Ronald Rod Ronald
WTF!!!! I think it's high time you looked for another DR. I would never let a person talk to me like that, let alone my own damn Doctor.
10/17/2012
Jesyra Jesyra
I was one of those "only female gyn" people for a while, but a car accident changed that. Only female gyno or not, I highly suggest that you seek a new doctor. A good ob/gyn, regardless of gender, will sit down and talk with you in their office and give you an oppertunity to become comfortable with them before they poke around your genitals.

As far as slut shaming goes - no doctor should do it, peroid. Report her and find a new doctor.

But remember... she can't truly shame you. Shame comes from within. If you don't let the doubt in, nothing she says matters - good, bad, or otherwise. Things people say can trigger shame, but those feelings happen because you're letting what another person says influence how you feel about yourself. Don't let her opinion about you and your choices change your outlook on yourself.
10/17/2012
Forever Hers! Forever Hers!
Yes!
10/17/2012
heather-mooney heather-mooney
Quote:
Originally posted by Mwar
Oh HELL no!

Medical professionals are NEVER supposed to judge. You could be Debbie in Dallas and the most she should say is "what kind of contraception should you use?"

Really, if you can manage, see someone else and let it be ...
amen!
10/17/2012
*Camoprincess* *Camoprincess*
I have never had a OBGYN make me feel ashamed of how many partners I had been with. The only rude or hateful thing I have EVER been told while at the OBGYN was that I wasn't getting pregnant cause I was fat!!! Other then that I haven't had any kind of issues with OBGYNs male or female. The one who told me I wasn't getting pregnant because I was fat didn't take into consideration that I had female medical problems and didn't want to help with them.



Now I will say if you are feeling like you were shamed for how many or how little partners you have had I suggest going to find a new doctor even if you have to use a male one.
10/17/2012
Beck Beck
I've never had this issue at all. They never seem to even mention it. Sorry you had this experience.
10/17/2012
mama2007 mama2007
Quote:
Originally posted by Sera26
I was just wondering how prevalent this is.

I had an appointment recently and even though I'm now in a real relationship she still managed to make me feel bad about it. Last time I went it had been quite a while since I'd had any sex ...
Wow what the hell kind of crock dr do you go to? =[ i am sorry you had to deal with that. Honestly, I have only been with ONE person sexually ever and I'm married to him, we were together a yr before we got married though but I have never been asked how many people I have been with or why. It's rude she did that.

IMO, it's definitely something to be proud of to not have been with many people or only 1 person vs a lot of past partners. I am happy I have never had sex or oral with anyone but hubby but I don't look down upon those who have had a lot more.
10/17/2012
BrittaniMaree BrittaniMaree
hell no I don't worry about my gyno at all if disrespectful then I find a new one male or female don't matter to me
10/17/2012
Ansley Ansley
I'm kind of curious about how or what it is she said that made you feel ashamed.

Doctors are people, they have their opinions but you shouldn't withstand judgment because of their opinions.
10/17/2012
Kissy Kissy
I don't get why a low number would make her want to shame you? She wants to deal with diseases spreading?
10/17/2012
bayosgirl bayosgirl
That is bizarre. It's none of her business how many partners you had or haven't had! I would be looking into a new gyno practice. You say she's the only one in your county, but can you consider going to another county?
10/17/2012
Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by Sera26
I was just wondering how prevalent this is.

I had an appointment recently and even though I'm now in a real relationship she still managed to make me feel bad about it. Last time I went it had been quite a while since I'd had any sex ...
Could it be that you two are just not communicating. I cannot conceive of her shaming you for a "low number of sex partners". Tbis just does not sound right. Sit and talk honest with her, and if things are not cleared up, you simply travel to where a different. OB GYN works!
10/17/2012
roskat roskat
This is crazy! I've never even discussed the number of my partners with my gyno. It's not her place to comment on it.
10/17/2012
PeaceToTheMiddleEast PeaceToTheMiddleEast
No and I think that is really rude what she did.
10/17/2012
kmarsico kmarsico
that is so rude and uncalled for!
10/17/2012
Sera26 Sera26
Quote:
Originally posted by K101
You think she "shamed" you for a LOW number of past partners? That would be the least likely thing I'd expect from a healthcare provider. I'd expect them to "shame" you over too many partners if anything, since that ...
I don't think it's because I've had too few. It's almost like any amount is wrong. The (to be fair, elderly) nurse who took all of the info at the last place I used to go to (a clinic) even told me that my number was too high because it was within a certain number of years.

Yeah, I live in a really backwoods area.

It probably has a lot to due to my demeanor and lack of social skills. People always think they can walk all over me. I'm awful at/hate small talk.

I did read a post on XOJane once though in which this woman said that she made up a long term partner because her gyno was always asking her invasive questions. So I don't think it's just me.
10/17/2012
Sera26 Sera26
Quote:
Originally posted by *Camoprincess*
I have never had a OBGYN make me feel ashamed of how many partners I had been with. The only rude or hateful thing I have EVER been told while at the OBGYN was that I wasn't getting pregnant cause I was fat!!! Other then that I haven't had ...
She also made me feel fat. She said "the estrogen in this pill isn't enough for your weight, that's why your having problems". Even though she knows that I have a history of disordered eating. Plus I rarely weigh myself because of that but I had to after this whole thing & when I did I weighed the same as early this year which would have been around when I saw her. So I don't think that made any sense.
10/17/2012
Sera26 Sera26
Thanks for all of the comments everyone. And the issue I have now is that my fiance is younger than me, which she apparently didn't agree with. I don't know, the whole thing seemed very hostile.
10/17/2012
spineyogurt spineyogurt
NO never thatd be wrong
10/17/2012
Alyxx Alyxx
I would be looking for a new doctor, either a make or one in a different county. Your doctor should never make you feel uncomfortable like that. My gyno is a woman (I don't care for the idea of a male gynecologist either, I'd rather someone with some firsthand experience of how a woman's body works) and she is wonderful. She has never asked me how many partners I've had in the first place, either.
10/17/2012
ToyGeek ToyGeek
That is completely unacceptable behavior from a doctor, yet sadly I don't think it's that uncommon.
10/17/2012
Zombirella Zombirella
No, I go to the Planned Parenthood because it's cheaper even with insurance. They are all really nice and professional there. Though this one time, this OLD lady was filling in for the gyno and I went in with an irritation. I had a wound, that was small and wouldn't stop bleeding and hurt BADLY. I went in and that woman looked at me and told me I had herpes! I totally lost it right there and went hysterical. Even then, the women were really nice and trying to tell me it was gonna be okay and all that crap. Well I was on the edge of doing something stupid. I had been with a guy I was talking to (after my 4yr relationship) and KNEW he was clean and we used protection. I ended up calling my family doctor just as hysterical and he told me to get my ass there now. Turns out, it was a FRICTION BURN from the condom! I know what herpes looks like and I looked at myself before I went the place and that's why I called my family doctor. He gave me some ointment and a few days later, it healed up. But I was super pissed and I called and gave them a piece of my mind, they don't need people in there not knowing what they are doing. They could have re-scheduled me to come in when the REAL gyno was there!
They do ask on the forum to list your number of partners, but I don't have a number to feel "slutty" about and I wouldn't care if someone said I was or whatever.
10/17/2012
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