Wedding RSVP ettiquette?

I have a couple questions.

1. Are you serving a meal or food that you are charged for "by the head?"

2. Who is footing the bill? You or your parents?

If you are not being charged per plate and in need of a super accurate head count or if mom is paying for the reception costs anyway I'd say let it go... there's plenty to worry about without getting agitated over a group of people who, in spite of making it ridiculously easy for them, won't do the polite thing and RSVP. If your mom wants to pay for people who might not show, that's her deal.

If you have to pay, however, then it should be your call. One note, hotels and catering companies usually prepare 10% more than what you order. For example, if you give them a 100 person head count, there will be enough food for 110 people (approximately)so if a few rude people do show without RSVPing... you should be covered.

As far as the critics...there will always be some. Everybody has their own idea of how your wedding should be conducted. But it's YOUR wedding and it's a day entirely about YOU and your future husband. Nobody is entitled to complain about how you conduct your wedding (unless they are paying the bill and think you are spending too much money). They will, of course, but you are not required to listen to said complaints. If it were me, I'd ask my mom to keep the knowledge that some people don't like how you are doing things to herself.

Like I said, there's enough stress involved in wedding planning without people adding to it unnecessarily. less

I have a couple questions.

1. Are you serving a meal or food that you are charged for "by the head?"

2. Who is footing the bill? You or your parents?

If you are not being charged per plate and in need of a super accurate head count or if mom is paying for the reception costs anyway I'd say let it go... there's plenty to worry about without getting agitated over a group of people who, in spite of making it ridiculously easy for them, won't do the polite thing and RSVP. If your mom wants to pay for people who might not show, that's her deal.

If you have to pay, however, then it should be your call. One note, hotels and catering companies usually prepare 10% more than what you order. For example, if you give them a 100 person head count, there will be enough food for 110 people (approximately)so if a few rude people do show without RSVPing... you should be covered.

As far as the critics...there will always be some. Everybody has their own idea of how your wedding should be conducted. But it's YOUR wedding and it's a day entirely about YOU and your future husband. Nobody is entitled to complain about how you conduct your wedding (unless they are paying the bill and think you are spending too much money). They will, of course, but you are not required to listen to said complaints. If it were me, I'd ask my mom to keep the knowledge that some people don't like how you are doing things to herself.

Like I said, there's enough stress involved in wedding planning without people adding to it unnecessarily. less

It's a per head count thing, and my fiance and I are footing the bill. We also seem to be the "black sheep" of the family, and I already know that my wedding isn't going to live up to other people's expectations, but honestly, I'm not concerned about that. And it's not so much the food I'm worried about, it's more the principle of the matter. Like, we get shit if we can't make it to one of this family branch's functions, but they almost never show up at ones they don't host. And my mom only brought it up because I caught wind of it somewhere else and asked her about it. I appreciated that she didn't tell me until I found out, but once I found out I kinda flipped a shit and told her to let me know if anybody else says anything else because it's very uncalled for.

I hope that made sense, lol less

So my family has some stupid issues, and among them is all the crap I've found out my mom has been getting about my wedding. Stuff like "why doesn't she have more of a say" and "why would she let me pick the date I did". Her response to that was that she never got a say in her own wedding and she's there if I need her for anything else, but otherwise it's my wedding and my call, which I thought was awesome. But there's something that my mom and I have a slight disagreement on, the RSVP's. I feel that everybody, even family, should take the time to send back the little note that I've already stamped for them if they want to go. It's not taking that much time out of anybody's day and my thinking is that if you can't be bothered to take 30 seconds to write your name and a number and drop it in the mail box, then I can't be bothered to try and seat you at my wedding. She thinks I should still have a spot for the family members that didn't reply.

Quite honestly, I know the few family members that haven't responded yet are responsible for most of the shit giving and I don't overly want them there anyway. What do you guys think? less

Wedding etiquette 101:

1. If you receive an invite you RSVP...NO.MATTER.WHAT. Period. If you don't and they don't have a seat or meal for you: Tough shit, you should have RSVPed like you were supposed to.

2. If you get invited and are NOT attending...you send a gift anyway...because it is considered proper.

These are actual rules that are followed in formal wedding settings. My sister's mom didn't RSVP...there was no seat for her. My sister said "I guess we will get a folding chair and McDonald's." It is only right...when I get wedding invites the RSVP is sent back within 3 days TOPS. Weddings are hard work and no joke.

If it is per head and you're paying...do it YOUR way. It is YOUR day, no one else's. less

So I started reading this post because it interested me, but I did not expect my reaction to it- at ALL. I'm not going to go into my own long pathetic story, but I just have to say that I got quite emotional reading all this, because I hate that crap like this is what people have to deal with just to celebrate their marriage. My favorite advice was from Laurel and Victoria, especially what Victoria said about not letting the illusion of family make you nuts. To be perfectly honest, I totally agree with what you said about not wanting to find (aka pay for) a seat at your wedding for the people who can't be bothered to drop a pre-stamped envelope in a goddamn mailbox, and this would make me want to rip my hair out! And I bet it WOULD have, because I see a lot of similarities between what you described here and my own family members- but that's why, after quite a bit of wedding planning (and feeling the stress come on), my hubby and I made the executive decision to completely nix the idea of a wedding. Completely. Best decision ever. Certainly not good advice for many, but perfect for us. A lot of girls would be disappointed about "missing out" of all of the wedding glitz and tradition, which is understandable, but I don't feel like I missed out on anything and it was the most stress-free, happiest day ever. Okay, I didn't even mean to get into all of those details... it just came out lol. In conclusion- please, try your very best to not even give it a second thought- because they aren't! If you need to rationalize it, especially to your mom, keep it simple: it's your wedding (not to mention that it's on your tab!). period. It'll make me sad if you let these people stress you out, so please don't!! good luck less