I have OCD, it's not the "Oh, I'm so OCD about my clothes" or something like that, I actually suffer from the disorder. I've had to let a LOT of baggage and issues go for the health of myself and my family. I FORCE myself to tolerate some things that I might otherwise think are "germy" while other things I have to take care of. My bathroom, our toilets, my sex toys and things in my kitchen like chicken (OMG SALMONELLA) are things I DO NOT leave alone. Those have to be cleaned up, but most of the other stuff.....
I also have issues with living a life spent with fighting entropy. Entropy is always going to win. I don't want to waste my life and also cause distress to My Man and my children.
Both My Man and I are pile people. We both think "Spatially" (which is how a lot of actual full blown Hoarders think) and I know, (for the most part) where things are in my piles. That doesn't mean I don't lose stuff. But, we go through our piles periodically to keep them manageable. But, very often I can locate things in what other people might term disorder. I have a hard time throwing things away, but I MAKE myself, because it only adds to more disorder. I don't mind "cleaning" I just have issues with "stuff." (Like most Americans, we have too freaking much of it.) I also don't want to waste my life cleaning, and organizing when I could be doing more interesting things with my time.
My Mother In Law cannot entertain, because her house must stay "perfect" and My Man was raised in this hermetically sealed environment. She spends hours a day, MOST of the day doing things that don't need to be done. Does a 74 year old women HAVE TO wash walls and then paint them herself, three or four times a year? So, of course, he's pretty messy. When I met him, he was living with his parents and his mother was still doing his laundry and cleaning his room. This blew me away. She told me, "He can't do it right, so I have to do it. To make sure it gets done right." I knew something was wrong with that. (He got his own place not too long after, thank Heaven.) My mother is similar, although she didn't DO things for me, anything I did, organizationally, cleaning wise, decorating etc, was always "wrong" and she would get angry and have to re-do these things. I swore I'd never do that to my kids, and so far I haven't.
I'm of two minds of this stuff. I HATE to do it, My Man has issues because he doesn't know what he wants. He wants my time, he wants me to himself, and yet still finds the strength to complain that the house isn't always "clean enough." But, he chose ME knowing I wasn't going to waste my life the way his mother has. Although he wouldn't admit she wastes it. "She uses her time." NO, she wastes time, and has missed out on a lifetime of interesting experiences, and relationships, in order to stay home.....and clean.
It's always a battle. I hate germs, yet refuse to give in to it too much. I also know if I have an hour in the afternoon, I'm going to play with a toddler, or take my Little One to the library, not think up new ways to move things around and clean behind them. One of the Curses of being American is having Stuff. I don't have a "A place for everything" mentality, for some of our stuff, so it's still a battle. I think the things I really prize and think are worth my time and effort (my books, my clothes, my toys, my kitchen things, my lactation supplies) are organized, but stuff that builds up, papers, everyone else's clothes, shoes, God know what else, are still in limbo.
So, we make piles. I actually have a closet I haven't opened in about 2 years. I have NO idea what is in there, and should probably just let My Man get in there and toss everything, but, I PUT things in there for years with the intention of "keeping this stuff safe" now I can't remember what is in there.
So, I have a choice to spend all day worrying about dog hair, and "dirt" and germs OR live my life in a way that is tolerable to other people and will actually net me the end of LIVING, not just cleaning "stuff." Also, with migraines and fibromyalgia, I have to use my time and energy wisely, or I won't HAVE energy, and have added pain, when there is something really worth doing like making love to My Man. It takes energy. I NEVER want to say to him, "I'm too burned out and exhausted from cleaning this house to have sex tonight." NEVER! Choices have to be made, not just for the moment, but for one's health and even the health of one's relationship. It's difficult.
Who said being an adult was going to be easy?
I know too many people (mostly women) who, by the end of the day, are either "too tired" or too angry about the messes they felt they "had to" clean up to engage in healthy, relationship building activities like sex and love. I'm not seeing a lot of this here (on Edens, which is good) but I sure see a lot of it in real life.
My guess is most people aren't this conflicted about "housework" but it does or can take a substantial amount of one's time and cause great anxiety and exhaustion to some of us. So, I thought I'd ask about it.
