What Would You Do? (Involves a Wedding)

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What Would You Do? (Involves a Wedding)

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Contributor: darthkitt3n darthkitt3n
I am completely unsure as to how I should react to this.

I asked a friend to be in my wedding party a few months ago. She said no, because she doesn't have the money for a dress and she is "busy." She knew she was busy without me even mentioning the date or anything to her. I just shrugged it off and decided I'd find someone else.

Now, a mutual friend is getting married. Her wedding is supposed to be 2 months after mine. She asked the friend if she'd be her maid of honor, and the friend said yes.

My initial reaction is that this is complete bullshit. She's my "friend" yet she makes a ton of excuses that she won't be in my wedding, then goes and agrees to do even MORE work in someone else's. I'm just thinking we're done being friends and I'm not going to talk to her anymore, let alone invite her to my wedding.

What would you do or what do you think?
12/06/2011
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Contributor: Jaimes Jaimes
That's a toughie. I would be really upset too. But, I would have to consider a few things.
a) as tough as it was to say no to you about being a bridesmaid, it's even tougher to say no when someone asks you to be their maid of honor. To say no to being just a bridesmaid, her excuses are valid. But saying no to being maid of honor, those same excuses just aren't quite enough, because there is a different nature to the request.

b) No offense to your relationship with her, but they may be closer to one another than she is to you.

c) she may have had some inkling that she was going to be asked to be this other friend's maid of honor, in which case she would have known she wouldn't have had time or money to do both. Unfortunately, since you asked first, she didn't have the valid excuse of, "Well, I'm Suzie's maid of honor, and I just can't afford to do both." and had to come up with the handful of other reasons.

It does suck, and I would be upset and hurt. So it's no fun to have to think about while planning your wedding. I would say that an invite would be your best indication if she is a friend worth holding onto. If she declines to show, then obviously she doesn't care that much, and you were at least the bigger person to still want her to be a part of your day. If she does show, then at least it means that she cares about you and your big day, and just couldn't afford the time to participate with this other thing on her plate, and maybe didn't want to be unfair to you about not being able to attend all the functions because of the other wedding. Just food for thought.

Best of luck, and congratulations!
12/06/2011
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
What Jaimes said.

Please don't use your wedding as a Drama platform to start jettisoning friends. A wedding is supposed to be a rite of passage into adult hood, not a "Me-Fest."

My guess is she already knew she would be standing up in this other wedding, may not have known the date and couldn't afford both. That's valid. Anyone is free to turn you down, it isn't the end of the world. You can't go ending friendships over things in which you don't know the facts.

I've turned down bridesmaid requests mostly based on money considerations (and the fact that I didn't want to get involved in a Drama Fest) I didn't lose any friends. I simply said "I can't do this at this time" and no one asked me for further information. I would have thought it rude if they had. It's a huge imposition now days to ask someone to stand up in a wedding, and honestly, I know more and more people who are avoiding it.... probably in part to avoid breaking up friendships from Bridezillas.

Take it in stride. What's the worst thing she did to you? She didn't want to put on a dress you picked out and stand on the steps of a church while you got married? Is that such a horrible thing, to say, "I can't do this" to a request like that. Being asked to stand up in a wedding is NOT a direct order, it's a request and people have every right to refuse requests.

Don't start your married life (which is WHY you are getting married, right?) by ending friendships and throwing fits? Just take it in stride and carry on. It really isn't all that big of a deal.
12/06/2011
Contributor: Jul!a Jul!a
Quote:
Originally posted by Jaimes
That's a toughie. I would be really upset too. But, I would have to consider a few things.
a) as tough as it was to say no to you about being a bridesmaid, it's even tougher to say no when someone asks you to be their maid of honor. To ... more
I think Jaimes really summed up what I would have said nicely. I do understand the position that you're in and I would be very upset as well. I'd still send the invitation if she's somebody that you did or do enjoy having around otherwise, and leave the ball in her court there so to speak.
12/06/2011
Contributor: darthkitt3n darthkitt3n
We're both actually about as good of friends with her, or at least I thought so. I asked her first, since I got engaged first, and she claimed she doesn't even have the money to buy textbooks for school. It's hard, because when I actually get close to women, they end up being flaky or saying stuff about me behind my back. Because of this, I don't have very many female friends, and those who I do are good friends.

It's a little insulting that someone I went to school with for like 6 years and was close friends with for longer than that sends me like a 3 page long text of reasons she won't do this for me. Just gives me the impression she doesn't care and doesn't want to be involved with me anymore, especially since she ditched me the last time I hung out with her, which was a few weeks after I asked her.
12/06/2011
Contributor: Ghost Ghost
Not everyone like weddings and wants to be involved, and maybe there is another reason she said yes to the other girl. Don't push the issue.
12/06/2011
Contributor: Badass Badass
Quote:
Originally posted by darthkitt3n
I am completely unsure as to how I should react to this.

I asked a friend to be in my wedding party a few months ago. She said no, because she doesn't have the money for a dress and she is "busy." She knew she was busy without me ... more
awe, im sorry about this, i would have hurt feelings too...
01/29/2012