When someone owes you money

When someone owes you money

wrecklesswords wrecklesswords
I'm honestly at a loss of what to do. A friend of mine bought my old bed (mattress, box spring, frame) when I moved. $150. Not much but enough for me to worry about it. I agreed that she could pay me in a month since she had just started her job and gotten her own apartment, so her bills would be a little wonky. I understand things like that and I trusted her, which was probably my first mistake, but she needed a bed and couldn't afford a brand new one and I desperately needed to sell mine before I moved.

Well, the month went by and I contacted her, she had emergency vet bills to pay, so I said "that's fine, but after, I really would appreciate it." Then another month, and then another. It's been 4.5 months now.

I don't like being a bitch to people, and quite frankly, I really don't have much of a backbone. But I'm SERIOUSLY hurting for money. I don't know how to go about asking for the payment without seeming like a greedy, heartless bitch.

Any advice or similar stories?
11/16/2011
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Ryuson Ryuson
Quote:
Originally posted by wrecklesswords
I'm honestly at a loss of what to do. A friend of mine bought my old bed (mattress, box spring, frame) when I moved. $150. Not much but enough for me to worry about it. I agreed that she could pay me in a month since she had just started her ...
You should just tell her that, while you don't mean to nag her and know she has had a lot of stuff come up, you really are in need of that money. For whatever reason things are getting very tight and you would REALLY appreciate if she got any of it as soon as she can.
11/16/2011
zwee75 zwee75
I find that starting money requests with "Dude" softens the blow. But my friends wouldn't be surprised by my saying that. So I'd be like "Dude, do you have that money for the bed? I'm short on cash and I've got bills to pay."
11/16/2011
wrecklesswords wrecklesswords
Quote:
Originally posted by zwee75
I find that starting money requests with "Dude" softens the blow. But my friends wouldn't be surprised by my saying that. So I'd be like "Dude, do you have that money for the bed? I'm short on cash and I've got bills to pay."
Hmm, that might work. I don't want to come at her with some pity party story. In that case, I'd rather be a bitch than plea for pity.

I could think of some wording that would make it right.
11/16/2011
toxie m toxie m
I had a very similar situation - a friend of mine owed me about $130 from when I'd done some work for her. It took me about 10 months to get all of it back, she paid me in installments. By the end of it, I was extremely frustrated and eventually just told her outright that I felt like a bitch for continuously asking her for it, but that I really needed the money and it'd been quite a long while so if she wouldn't mind, I'd really like her to pay up. She did, and we're cool now, but I was pretty unhappy with her for the whole time the debt was outstanding. I hated to be a nag, but asking (and asking, and asking) was the only way to get what I wanted, so it had to be done.
11/16/2011
Ms. Spice Ms. Spice
Txy is right. nagging, or at least continual reminding, is probably your best bet. it is your money and she does need to return it especially since you need it and lent it to her.
11/16/2011
Eva Schwaltz Eva Schwaltz
Yep, going through a similar situation over concert tickets. I definitely know how frustrating it can be.
11/16/2011
wrecklesswords wrecklesswords
Quote:
Originally posted by toxie m
I had a very similar situation - a friend of mine owed me about $130 from when I'd done some work for her. It took me about 10 months to get all of it back, she paid me in installments. By the end of it, I was extremely frustrated and eventually ...
At this point, installments would even be okay. I just need it. I'd rather have it all at once because now *I* owe people money and it's just a bad chain of events.
11/16/2011
onehotmomma onehotmomma
Quote:
Originally posted by wrecklesswords
I'm honestly at a loss of what to do. A friend of mine bought my old bed (mattress, box spring, frame) when I moved. $150. Not much but enough for me to worry about it. I agreed that she could pay me in a month since she had just started her ...
I know exactly how you feel. On the plus side, at least she's still talking to you about it and doesn't seem to be running.

We have renters in a house we own, who happen to be friends.
Our situation is actually a large sum of money, but without anything else to do (since they quit calling me and refused to answer the phone)and NEEDING the money, I called and called and made their lives a living hell until they paid us back, I also guilt tripped. Was it the right way to go about things? Probably not, but when it comes down to owing me over $500, and not being able to buy food, or pay my own bills, I had no other choice. They told us they were giving us the full amount for rent, then only gave us part, plus they owed us a move in fee which they have yet to pay. Thinking We were getting the full amount of money they owed, we went ahead and paid the mortgage on our house so it wouldn't be late (huge late fee) and I knew it would take 48 hours to post to our account, and they were paying us the next morning. The next morning they paid us less than half of what the owed.

If they hadn't given us the rest of the money our bank account would've overdrawn and gone into our savings and taken every last penny out. I hadn't bought groceries yet and I was COMPLETELY out of food, and we had no gas in the car. My bf and I could've gotten along fine with the 4 or 5 bags of top ramen we had left and white rice, but not my kids. I seriously had NO idea what we were going to do since the mortgage was already pending. Needless to say after all my bitching voicemails they did deposit the rest of the money into our account, but they have not talked to us about it. All I recieved was one text saying we had unexpected issues come up and can only give you part, after they deposited half of what they owed us into our account. I have no clue if they were lying, or where they came up with the extra money. It was a horrid situation and I never want to deal with that again!
11/17/2011
K101 K101
Yes. I've had 2 situations like this with close friends. I used to run a day care and had aclose friend's sister who brought her 2 kids every day for a year. Her bill was $150 for 6 days a week and then since she had so many problems paying it we cut it to $100 for 6 days a week! She never sent diapers or food and the other parents abided by the requirements and my partner and I were having to spend our own $ to buy her kids everything they needed. When she'd bring them every morning at 8AM they would have the same milk or juice in their bottle that I'd given them at 11 PM the NIGHT BEFORE! She got to where she would ask for more time to pay her bill and a month went by and her kids were still showing up from 8am to 11PM and she hadn't paid a penny! We had a couple of weeks where we were totally broke and I had Dr. bills and a yucky infection with of course, no money to even cover the meds for it so I kindly asked that she pay me when she picked up the kids. She said no, but continued to bring them. After having the infection for 2 freaking weeks I went to her house and talked to her and her husband and told them I was in desperate need for them to make a payment at least enough for me to take care of my meds for the infection and her husband was appalled that she hadn't been paying me. He apologized 100s of times, begged me to keep letting the kids come to day care and he paid me in full. Needless to say, she started doing it again and I had to remove her children from the program. I simply told her that she was taking advantage of me being a friend and that I wouldn't watch the kids. The oldest kid had also gotten violent with me and other staff members more than once so it was really necessary to cut them. We still remained friends, but after a while went our seperate ways just like some friends do.

The other situation was with my very best friend, my closest girlfriend since Kindergarten! We grew up together and still to this day we live on the same road. Anyways, we did have a falling out because she had gotten into my Ebay account and had me in a lot of trouble for making tons of purchases that she couldn't and refused to pay for. It ended terribly and we didn't talk for about 2 years! I had asked numerous times if she planned to pay the money, it was for engagment rings is why I was so worried. She had bidded up in the 1,000's for several rings and I had no idea for a couple of days. I asked her about it and she admitted to it and told me her boyfriend planned on buying them for her. I said OK, that's fine, but the sellers are requesting their money now! She agreed to pay it that week. Weeks turned into months and I finally went to her house since she'd avoided me for months and asked her if she would please pay it so I could at least stop getting threats on my Ebay account. She was terribly rude to me and her family was too. She never did pay and I was having to beg to keep myself out of trouble online. My account got shut down for good. While I was at her house I asked to have back my belongings like the jewelry my mom had bought me for prom and such. She refused to give them back and I ended up stopping back by her house one day to see if she'd calmed down and would give me my things back. She called the police and her grandfather had a baseball bat and a lotta threats! I wasn't in trouble with the police, but they did get my some of my things back.

We weren't talking up until a year ago. She got in touch and asked for forgiveness. We're not totally closse anymore and never will be. I've moved onto a different part of my life and she has too. We just don't have much room for each other, don't share the same interests, etc.

So, whew! Be careful and try to figure out whether or not this is worth losing a friend over. It sounds like you were taken advantage of and sometimes even letting something like this go will still have you hurt by the friend and cause problems anyways. I think you should definitely ask for at least some payment. If she refuses, I'm not sure. I had to cut my losses and move on, but it was painful. I'm glad I did stand up and say look, you're doing me wrong and I want you to take care of your responsibilities. I think it would've been much worse had I kept quiet an tried letting it go. I know it's hard to stand up with things like this. I'm not confrontational at all and it takes A LOT for me to actually confront someone, but sometimes you simply cannot afford to let friends run over you anymore than you can afford to not. The decision is yours, but I don't think you should brush it off.
11/17/2011
wrecklesswords wrecklesswords
Quote:
Originally posted by K101
Yes. I've had 2 situations like this with close friends. I used to run a day care and had aclose friend's sister who brought her 2 kids every day for a year. Her bill was $150 for 6 days a week and then since she had so many problems paying ...
Well, she's not a close friend and she never was. She's a friend of my old roommate's. Though, I liked her A LOT better than my old roommate. She's older than me, to and she was always paying my roommate's bills for her so I figured the money thing wouldn't be an issue because even when she didn't have a job I would see her writing checks to help my roommate pay HER bills.

So, if I lose her, it's not a big deal. I may never see her again we live in totally different parts of the state now and the only time we talk is when I message her about the money.

That's really shitty, though, that the person who was your very best friend did that to you. My very best friend since 5th grade betrayed me, too, a few years back. I was going on a two week kind of vacation to help a friend move to another state. I asked my friend to watch my dog and my birds. She agreed and I told her where I left the house key and that I had left out the canisters for each pet's food.

About 4 days after I left, I got a voicemail on my phone from my roommate (who had also been out of town) saying that my friend had NEVER been by and that my birds had STARVED TO DEATH! He said that my dog was terrified and hiding under the bushes in the backyard and wouldn't come out.

I was so upset. She had KILLED my pets from neglect! She never came by! It's a good thing my roommate came home when he did or my dog may have been dead, too!
11/17/2011
Beck Beck
We have found out over time to never let anyone borrow any money. I know it sounds terrible, but even family blows you off. Not too long ago when my husband was laid off and on unemployment, we let a friend of our borrow just $20, but when you are only making less than 250 a week and have bills and rent to pay with two kids in diapers every 20 counts. He blew us off for over a month, we had to borrow the money from my mother in law. We both agree now that no one should get to borrow money, unless it is my parents or his mom.
11/17/2011
wrecklesswords wrecklesswords
Quote:
Originally posted by Beck
We have found out over time to never let anyone borrow any money. I know it sounds terrible, but even family blows you off. Not too long ago when my husband was laid off and on unemployment, we let a friend of our borrow just $20, but when you are ...
Yeah, I don't ever loan money to anyone anymore unless its my parents. Even then I hate to do it, but still. They're family. Though they can screw you over, too.

I mean, she actually BOUGHT something off of me. We agreed on the amount and she agreed to pay it. bah.
11/17/2011
js250 js250
I bailed my brother out of jail, 2700.00. Twelve years later he still won't pay it back. That has damaged our relationship a bit, but now that I am caring for our parent and he needs help, my brother still will not pay back or loan parent any money. This will ruin the relationship permanently if he keeps it up. I am seriously in debt from covering everything for our parent.
11/17/2011
Jul!a Jul!a
I made the mistake of selling a car to what I thought was a friend on payments. She had been relatively easy to get a hold of and we went back a ways. She really needed a car, I sold her mine for about what had been put into it since I bought it. She paid about half before she managed to get the car towed to a shady shop that wanted to screw her over and tried to make us take care of it. My husband and I both told her that we laid out everything that was wrong with the car when we had it and anything else that came up was out of our control, and we're not responsible for something that was good when we had it failing. She also tried to get us to replace the tires and the brakes because they were starting to go bad, but those are items you have to deal with on every car, and she knew they'd need replacing soon when she bought it. To even get the money that I did, I had to text her weekly and ask for it. I hated having to do that, and let her know that I hated to nag but I needed the money. I also agree with zwee that starting things like that with "dude" really does soften the blow.
11/17/2011
Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
Wow - I feel so bad about your situation. Wish I knew what to say.

We have a policy that we don't loan money or sell on payments - period. We have found time and time again that money can ruin relationships so easily.

So if we do help someone - it is a gift. That way I can walk away knowing that if I never see it again - I'm still ok with them as a person.

I know it sounds crazy but it works for us. If we have the extra funds and can do something - we'll gift the help.

We've been able to help friends keep their electric on, helped pets get vet treatment, help others fix their cars, etc.

Its a blessing to us to be able to help those we care about and we don't wind up waiting for them to pay us back. Instead, we ask them to "pass it on" sometime when they can and help someone else's burden.

By the way - we first learned the concept almost 30 years ago when friends bought us a battery for our car and new tires that we desperately needed. It went through our pastor and we weren't supposed to know who did it - but we found out. When we approached them - they asked us to simply pass it on -and we have done so ever since.

Good luck in getting your money - you'll be in my thoughts and prayers.
11/17/2011
wrecklesswords wrecklesswords
Quote:
Originally posted by Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
Wow - I feel so bad about your situation. Wish I knew what to say.

We have a policy that we don't loan money or sell on payments - period. We have found time and time again that money can ruin relationships so easily.

So if we do ...
Thank you very much. I'm almost about ready to just give up on it. I don't think she has really intended on brushing me off, but she has and since I live so far away now, it's easier for her to do so.
11/18/2011
ijako9 ijako9
I wish I understood how people's brains work. My friend has a similar problem where she loaned a lot money to someone and he still hadn't paid her back for about 6 months and than turns around and puts a down payment on a house when he still owes my friend a lot of money. Seriously? What the hell is with people? Maybe you should start tacking on intrest for each month she goes over you're orginal agreement. If ask me if you want your money maybe you do need to start being a little more demanding and remind your friend you have every right to be since they're already way late
11/18/2011
wrecklesswords wrecklesswords
Quote:
Originally posted by ijako9
I wish I understood how people's brains work. My friend has a similar problem where she loaned a lot money to someone and he still hadn't paid her back for about 6 months and than turns around and puts a down payment on a house when he still ...
You have a very good point. I could always tell her that if she doesn't pay me by the end of the year, I will start tacking on interest.
11/18/2011
wrecklesswords wrecklesswords
Well, she sent me a check already! I got it in the mail yesterday. I was incredibly surprised and happy. I won't have to try to scrape by on $15 until my next paycheck.

Thanks for all of the advice guys!
11/20/2011
wrecklesswords wrecklesswords
Well, she sent me a check already! I got it in the mail yesterday. I was incredibly surprised and happy. I won't have to try to scrape by on $15 until my next paycheck.

Thanks for all of the advice guys!
11/20/2011
Jul!a Jul!a
Yay! I'm glad it worked out for you
11/21/2011
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