When someone owes you money

I had a very similar situation - a friend of mine owed me about $130 from when I'd done some work for her. It took me about 10 months to get all of it back, she paid me in installments. By the end of it, I was extremely frustrated and eventually just told her outright that I felt like a bitch for continuously asking her for it, but that I really needed the money and it'd been quite a long while so if she wouldn't mind, I'd really like her to pay up. She did, and we're cool now, but I was pretty unhappy with her for the whole time the debt was outstanding. I hated to be a nag, but asking (and asking, and asking) was the only way to get what I wanted, so it had to be done. less

I'm honestly at a loss of what to do. A friend of mine bought my old bed (mattress, box spring, frame) when I moved. $150. Not much but enough for me to worry about it. I agreed that she could pay me in a month since she had just started her job and gotten her own apartment, so her bills would be a little wonky. I understand things like that and I trusted her, which was probably my first mistake, but she needed a bed and couldn't afford a brand new one and I desperately needed to sell mine before I moved.

Well, the month went by and I contacted her, she had emergency vet bills to pay, so I said "that's fine, but after, I really would appreciate it." Then another month, and then another. It's been 4.5 months now.

I don't like being a bitch to people, and quite frankly, I really don't have much of a backbone. But I'm SERIOUSLY hurting for money. I don't know how to go about asking for the payment without seeming like a greedy, heartless bitch.

Any advice or similar stories? less

Yes. I've had 2 situations like this with close friends. I used to run a day care and had aclose friend's sister who brought her 2 kids every day for a year. Her bill was $150 for 6 days a week and then since she had so many problems paying it we cut it to $100 for 6 days a week! She never sent diapers or food and the other parents abided by the requirements and my partner and I were having to spend our own $ to buy her kids everything they needed. When she'd bring them every morning at 8AM they would have the same milk or juice in their bottle that I'd given them at 11 PM the NIGHT BEFORE! She got to where she would ask for more time to pay her bill and a month went by and her kids were still showing up from 8am to 11PM and she hadn't paid a penny! We had a couple of weeks where we were totally broke and I had Dr. bills and a yucky infection with of course, no money to even cover the meds for it so I kindly asked that she pay me when she picked up the kids. She said no, but continued to bring them. After having the infection for 2 freaking weeks I went to her house and talked to her and her husband and told them I was in desperate need for them to make a payment at least enough for me to take care of my meds for the infection and her husband was appalled that she hadn't been paying me. He apologized 100s of times, begged me to keep letting the kids come to day care and he paid me in full. Needless to say, she started doing it again and I had to remove her children from the program. I simply told her that she was taking advantage of me being a friend and that I wouldn't watch the kids. The oldest kid had also gotten violent with me and other staff members more than once so it was really necessary to cut them. We still remained friends, but after a while went our seperate ways just like some friends do.

The other situation was with my very best friend, my closest girlfriend since Kindergarten! We grew up together and still to this day we live on the same road. Anyways, we did have a falling out because she had gotten into my Ebay account and had me in a lot of trouble for making tons of purchases that she couldn't and refused to pay for. It ended terribly and we didn't talk for about 2 years! I had asked numerous times if she planned to pay the money, it was for engagment rings is why I was so worried. She had bidded up in the 1,000's for several rings and I had no idea for a couple of days. I asked her about it and she admitted to it and told me her boyfriend planned on buying them for her. I said OK, that's fine, but the sellers are requesting their money now! She agreed to pay it that week. Weeks turned into months and I finally went to her house since she'd avoided me for months and asked her if she would please pay it so I could at least stop getting threats on my Ebay account. She was terribly rude to me and her family was too. She never did pay and I was having to beg to keep myself out of trouble online. My account got shut down for good. While I was at her house I asked to have back my belongings like the jewelry my mom had bought me for prom and such. She refused to give them back and I ended up stopping back by her house one day to see if she'd calmed down and would give me my things back. She called the police and her grandfather had a baseball bat and a lotta threats! I wasn't in trouble with the police, but they did get my some of my things back.

We weren't talking up until a year ago. She got in touch and asked for forgiveness. We're not totally closse anymore and never will be. I've moved onto a different part of my life and she has too. We just don't have much room for each other, don't share the same interests, etc.

So, whew! Be careful and try to figure out whether or not this is worth losing a friend over. It sounds like you were taken advantage of and sometimes even letting something like this go will still have you hurt by the friend and cause problems anyways. I think you should definitely ask for at least some payment. If she refuses, I'm not sure. I had to cut my losses and move on, but it was painful. I'm glad I did stand up and say look, you're doing me wrong and I want you to take care of your responsibilities. I think it would've been much worse had I kept quiet an tried letting it go. I know it's hard to stand up with things like this. I'm not confrontational at all and it takes A LOT for me to actually confront someone, but sometimes you simply cannot afford to let friends run over you anymore than you can afford to not. The decision is yours, but I don't think you should brush it off. less

We have found out over time to never let anyone borrow any money. I know it sounds terrible, but even family blows you off. Not too long ago when my husband was laid off and on unemployment, we let a friend of our borrow just $20, but when you are only making less than 250 a week and have bills and rent to pay with two kids in diapers every 20 counts. He blew us off for over a month, we had to borrow the money from my mother in law. We both agree now that no one should get to borrow money, unless it is my parents or his mom. less

Wow - I feel so bad about your situation. Wish I knew what to say.

We have a policy that we don't loan money or sell on payments - period. We have found time and time again that money can ruin relationships so easily.

So if we do help someone - it is a gift. That way I can walk away knowing that if I never see it again - I'm still ok with them as a person.

I know it sounds crazy but it works for us. If we have the extra funds and can do something - we'll gift the help.

We've been able to help friends keep their electric on, helped pets get vet treatment, help others fix their cars, etc.

Its a blessing to us to be able to help those we care about and we don't wind up waiting for them to pay us back. Instead, we ask them to "pass it on" sometime when they can and help someone else's burden.

By the way - we first learned the concept almost 30 years ago when friends bought us a battery for our car and new tires that we desperately needed. It went through our pastor and we weren't supposed to know who did it - but we found out. When we approached them - they asked us to simply pass it on -and we have done so ever since.

Good luck in getting your money - you'll be in my thoughts and prayers. less

I wish I understood how people's brains work. My friend has a similar problem where she loaned a lot money to someone and he still hadn't paid her back for about 6 months and than turns around and puts a down payment on a house when he still owes my friend a lot of money. Seriously? What the hell is with people? Maybe you should start tacking on intrest for each month she goes over you're orginal agreement. If ask me if you want your money maybe you do need to start being a little more demanding and remind your friend you have every right to be since they're already way late less