The New Intimacy

Getting comfortable with anal

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Contributor: Valyn Valyn
How did you get comfortable with anal play?

I have experience with anal, but I'm always a little reluctant to get into it. I worry too much about everything. What if I need to go to the bathroom? Will it hurt, or will I be sore after? What if something happens?!

Once I get started with anal sex, I love it, I can't get enough, but I would like to be more comfortable with it, and maybe initiate anal play before my boyfriend brings it up.

Any suggestions?
07/02/2009
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Contributor: ScottA ScottA
You're on the right track, because you're willing to try it and you recognize that it brings you pleasure. There's just a psychological concern in there somewhere that gets in the way of you starting it.

One thing to start with (and I hope this doesn't apply to you): If you have a history of sexual assault/abuse in the area recognize that it will take a long time, and you might need professional counseling. Also try to share it with your boyfriend. If he's worth keeping he'll back off and give you the time you need.

Beyond that, try to think of any bad experiences that you've had in the area that would give you concern. Have you had experiences where anal activities hurt? Did "something happen"? Solo play (either with hands or toys) is a great way to start, because it's private. Once you start to get comfortable with your anus and rectum you'll know what you need in order to relax enough for comfortable anal play, and you can also start to get a feel for your intestinal schedule. If you're still concerned about mess, a small enema (~1 cup of plain water) or a glycerin suppository can help to make sure you're clean, but it's not always necessary. You can also check with a finger privately before anal play to see if there's anything in the rectum.

I'd recommend two books to you. Tristan Taormino's The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex For Women and Jack Morin's Anal Pleasure and Health. Both are excellent, but you likely need only one, at least to start with. Tristan's book is a little shorter and more focused on anal sexual activities, but Jack's book is very detailed about becoming comfortable with your anus and our social hangups regarding the area.

Good luck and happy explorations!
07/03/2009
Contributor: Valyn Valyn
Quote:
Originally posted by ScottA
You're on the right track, because you're willing to try it and you recognize that it brings you pleasure. There's just a psychological concern in there somewhere that gets in the way of you starting it.

One thing to start with ... more
Well, I haven't had any sort of traumatic experience, though I have heard some pretty bad stories from friends. I've been sore a few times, and that's never fun.. The books sound good. I just got the Tristan plug, and she definitely seems to know her stuff. I'll look into it.

Thank you
07/04/2009
Contributor: ScottA ScottA
Sounds like you've just been bitten by the "anal taboo". Take some time to explore your anus and learn to relax it and how to give yourself anal pleasure. Start off with fingers (gloves are nice, since they cover up any hard/scratchy/rough bits) and lube after you've gone to the bathroom, starting on the outside and then moving up to toys. I've got some stuff here in my blog on fingers (link) and toys (link)
07/04/2009
Contributor: imp imp
Lube, lots of it. Also if the "mess" that can occur, get your partner to use a condom makes for easy no fuss clean up later. The more turned on you are the more likely it will be alot more relaxing for you. ScottA has given great advice.
07/05/2009
Contributor: Alt Alt
More importantly, I would say lots of time and lots of practice.
It take a good year to really know that you enjoy anal a lot.
07/26/2009
Contributor: TacoODoom TacoODoom
the best advice ever given to me and i shall pass it along, is this "warm up your lube first, if it's cold it will make our butthole contract"

if i think i'm going to get some buttlove i usually take a nice warm shower and play with my bum to "get it ready"

if you have a few hours in advance you can always give yourself a plain water enema, though i don't recommend doing that excessively as it can irritate your intestinal mucosa . wait at least 45 min after you "purge" to for any excess liquids to be re-absorbed and have some good clean back door adventures
01/28/2010
Contributor: ScottA ScottA
Quote:
Originally posted by TacoODoom
the best advice ever given to me and i shall pass it along, is this "warm up your lube first, if it's cold it will make our butthole contract"

if i think i'm going to get some buttlove i usually take a nice warm shower and ... more
Warm everything - warm lube, warm bed, warm room, warm toys. You have to be 90% relaxed for good anal play, especially for newcomers (the only reason it's not more is that 100% relaxed is asleep). Warm room, comfortable position that you don't have to worry about sliding/falling/rollin g out of, and 100% trust.
01/28/2010
Contributor: Luscious Lily Luscious Lily
Quote:
Originally posted by ScottA
Warm everything - warm lube, warm bed, warm room, warm toys. You have to be 90% relaxed for good anal play, especially for newcomers (the only reason it's not more is that 100% relaxed is asleep). Warm room, comfortable position that you ... more
Maybe this has been my problem with toys all this time, that they're too freaking cold! I rarely warm up my toys, and my room is rather chilly, so I can see how this has become a problem for me. Great tips!
01/28/2010
Contributor: Illusional Illusional
Yes, anal sex is a pain in the ass (literally) if you're worried or uptight. I always have to remind myself to focus. Usually my boyfriend, he'll rub my clit or something and with lube he'll slowly push himself in, it's very pleasurable and different. Also, using a vibrator in your pussy can keep your mind off your fears and your moaning will double once he's in there good.
06/14/2010