A woman wrote into EMandLO.com recently to ask, "If I sleep with a new guy and everything went great — long talk beforehand, great chemistry, lots in common, orgasms all around — when can I reasonably expect a call from him? And will the number of days he waits to call correspond with his level of interest? Also, how soon can I call him to express that I’m interested?” So... what do you think? And does it make a difference if it's a gay or straight relationship? (Our Wise Guy Bradford seems to think so -- click here to see what all our Wise Guys had to say on the matter.)
When to expect (or make) the post-sex phone call... - from Em and Lo
11/17/2010
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Especially if you met on a weekend...you should expect a call by the next weekend if he is interested. No, the time frame is not a good indicator of interest in my opinion. People are different on the weekends than they are during the week. Most people are really busy and wait til the weekend to wind down, so if the guy wants a repeat of his last weekend, he will call by then. If not, it was just a fling.
Originally posted by
Em & Lo
A woman wrote into EMandLO.com recently to ask, "If I sleep with a new guy and everything went great — long talk beforehand, great chemistry, lots in common, orgasms all around — when can I reasonably expect a call from him? And will the number
...
more
A woman wrote into EMandLO.com recently to ask, "If I sleep with a new guy and everything went great — long talk beforehand, great chemistry, lots in common, orgasms all around — when can I reasonably expect a call from him? And will the number of days he waits to call correspond with his level of interest? Also, how soon can I call him to express that I’m interested?” So... what do you think? And does it make a difference if it's a gay or straight relationship? (Our Wise Guy Bradford seems to think so -- click here to see what all our Wise Guys had to say on the matter.)
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I wouldn't call before he does. And if you decide to, don't repeat it without a response first.
11/17/2010
Everyone is different.. some people feel awkward not waiting a few days, because of misleading romantic comedy conditioning that somehow not waiting to call is a sign of desperation and not merely sincere interest.
I am married... but I will say, hypothetically, that if it were me? I'd call or text within a day or two and not "wait for the man to call me".. this isn't 1950. AND? If he was weird and skittish, then he wouldn't be a good match for me. I have little patience for anyone who is emotionally underdeveloped.
(Oh, and my husband and I, after the first night we were "together", made plans to see each other again that same week, before even parting ways. Then we talked on the phone in between. There was no bullshit posturing. Our enthusiasm for each other's company was obvious.)
I am married... but I will say, hypothetically, that if it were me? I'd call or text within a day or two and not "wait for the man to call me".. this isn't 1950. AND? If he was weird and skittish, then he wouldn't be a good match for me. I have little patience for anyone who is emotionally underdeveloped.
(Oh, and my husband and I, after the first night we were "together", made plans to see each other again that same week, before even parting ways. Then we talked on the phone in between. There was no bullshit posturing. Our enthusiasm for each other's company was obvious.)
11/17/2010
Quote:
I agree—if the enthusiasm for someone is there, there are no rules for an appropriate length of time. All that is game playing and if someone is going to bother playing games so they don't appear to be "too eager" or anything other than what they really are... I am not interested.
Originally posted by
Victoria
Everyone is different.. some people feel awkward not waiting a few days, because of misleading romantic comedy conditioning that somehow not waiting to call is a sign of desperation and not merely sincere interest.
I am married... but I will ... more
I am married... but I will ... more
Everyone is different.. some people feel awkward not waiting a few days, because of misleading romantic comedy conditioning that somehow not waiting to call is a sign of desperation and not merely sincere interest.
I am married... but I will say, hypothetically, that if it were me? I'd call or text within a day or two and not "wait for the man to call me".. this isn't 1950. AND? If he was weird and skittish, then he wouldn't be a good match for me. I have little patience for anyone who is emotionally underdeveloped.
(Oh, and my husband and I, after the first night we were "together", made plans to see each other again that same week, before even parting ways. Then we talked on the phone in between. There was no bullshit posturing. Our enthusiasm for each other's company was obvious.) less
I am married... but I will say, hypothetically, that if it were me? I'd call or text within a day or two and not "wait for the man to call me".. this isn't 1950. AND? If he was weird and skittish, then he wouldn't be a good match for me. I have little patience for anyone who is emotionally underdeveloped.
(Oh, and my husband and I, after the first night we were "together", made plans to see each other again that same week, before even parting ways. Then we talked on the phone in between. There was no bullshit posturing. Our enthusiasm for each other's company was obvious.) less
Call when you feel the desire to do so, there should be no shame in being excited enough by someone to want to talk to them the next day. Nor is there anything wrong with someone being too busy to get in touch right away.
If, when you call, you find that someone gets the impression from you that you are desperate or too eager or whatever fault they find with you calling right away...that is SO not the person for you anyway... so be thankful you discovered the game player immediately and can move on without excess emotional investment!
11/17/2010
It wouldn't get to the point of sex if weren't serious to begin with. I know what to expect out of friends that I've had FWB arrangements with (but it was still nice to get a text the next day saying "You were fun last night."). I'm dreading having to learn to date in my middle 30's, so sex is going to be after 'a while' not within the first handful of dates. I don't want to end up regretting that I shared my body's intimacies with an animal torturer or a preacher or whatever.
11/17/2010
I have to agree with Laurel and Victoria. I'm not one for game play. If someone is interested they should call as soon as they want to, or like Victoria said...make plans to see each other again before even parting ways.
I've never actually been into just random casual sex, so I'd assume I had at least been out for a few dates with this hypothetical person and I wouldn't feel awkward the night after sleeping with them.
I've never actually been into just random casual sex, so I'd assume I had at least been out for a few dates with this hypothetical person and I wouldn't feel awkward the night after sleeping with them.
11/17/2010
Quote:
Nicely put
Originally posted by
LicentiouslyYours
I agree—if the enthusiasm for someone is there, there are no rules for an appropriate length of time. All that is game playing and if someone is going to bother playing games so they don't appear to be "too eager" or anything other than
...
more
I agree—if the enthusiasm for someone is there, there are no rules for an appropriate length of time. All that is game playing and if someone is going to bother playing games so they don't appear to be "too eager" or anything other than what they really are... I am not interested.
Call when you feel the desire to do so, there should be no shame in being excited enough by someone to want to talk to them the next day. Nor is there anything wrong with someone being too busy to get in touch right away.
If, when you call, you find that someone gets the impression from you that you are desperate or too eager or whatever fault they find with you calling right away...that is SO not the person for you anyway... so be thankful you discovered the game player immediately and can move on without excess emotional investment! less
Call when you feel the desire to do so, there should be no shame in being excited enough by someone to want to talk to them the next day. Nor is there anything wrong with someone being too busy to get in touch right away.
If, when you call, you find that someone gets the impression from you that you are desperate or too eager or whatever fault they find with you calling right away...that is SO not the person for you anyway... so be thankful you discovered the game player immediately and can move on without excess emotional investment! less
There are enough fucking games in our lives; why perpetuate that crap, ya know?
11/17/2010
Quote:
Same, after my boyfriend and I hit it off, we spent the next day together... and he worked M-Friday but that Friday night, he was on the way to me again...
Originally posted by
Victoria
Everyone is different.. some people feel awkward not waiting a few days, because of misleading romantic comedy conditioning that somehow not waiting to call is a sign of desperation and not merely sincere interest.
I am married... but I will ... more
I am married... but I will ... more
Everyone is different.. some people feel awkward not waiting a few days, because of misleading romantic comedy conditioning that somehow not waiting to call is a sign of desperation and not merely sincere interest.
I am married... but I will say, hypothetically, that if it were me? I'd call or text within a day or two and not "wait for the man to call me".. this isn't 1950. AND? If he was weird and skittish, then he wouldn't be a good match for me. I have little patience for anyone who is emotionally underdeveloped.
(Oh, and my husband and I, after the first night we were "together", made plans to see each other again that same week, before even parting ways. Then we talked on the phone in between. There was no bullshit posturing. Our enthusiasm for each other's company was obvious.) less
I am married... but I will say, hypothetically, that if it were me? I'd call or text within a day or two and not "wait for the man to call me".. this isn't 1950. AND? If he was weird and skittish, then he wouldn't be a good match for me. I have little patience for anyone who is emotionally underdeveloped.
(Oh, and my husband and I, after the first night we were "together", made plans to see each other again that same week, before even parting ways. Then we talked on the phone in between. There was no bullshit posturing. Our enthusiasm for each other's company was obvious.) less
Three years later... here we are.. lol
11/17/2010
Quote:
I really think that if everything went well it's perfectly OK to call within the next day or so. If it's not, then things aren't going as well as you thought. Just my opinion.
Originally posted by
Em & Lo
A woman wrote into EMandLO.com recently to ask, "If I sleep with a new guy and everything went great — long talk beforehand, great chemistry, lots in common, orgasms all around — when can I reasonably expect a call from him? And will the number
...
more
A woman wrote into EMandLO.com recently to ask, "If I sleep with a new guy and everything went great — long talk beforehand, great chemistry, lots in common, orgasms all around — when can I reasonably expect a call from him? And will the number of days he waits to call correspond with his level of interest? Also, how soon can I call him to express that I’m interested?” So... what do you think? And does it make a difference if it's a gay or straight relationship? (Our Wise Guy Bradford seems to think so -- click here to see what all our Wise Guys had to say on the matter.)
less
11/18/2010
Quote:
Chili, you're so funny, "An animal torturer or a preacher or whatever...." LOL!
Originally posted by
Chilipepper
It wouldn't get to the point of sex if weren't serious to begin with. I know what to expect out of friends that I've had FWB arrangements with (but it was still nice to get a text the next day saying "You were fun last night.").
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more
It wouldn't get to the point of sex if weren't serious to begin with. I know what to expect out of friends that I've had FWB arrangements with (but it was still nice to get a text the next day saying "You were fun last night."). I'm dreading having to learn to date in my middle 30's, so sex is going to be after 'a while' not within the first handful of dates. I don't want to end up regretting that I shared my body's intimacies with an animal torturer or a preacher or whatever.
less
I don't believe in games, either. Waiting a "certain number" of days before calling as to not feel desperate is silly. If you have an attraction to someone, call them! Also, the "it was fun.....uh, maybe I'll see you around....." phone call (awkward silence) is also better than not hearing from him and then running into him later and not knowing what to say. At least he "manned up" and gave you some closure, or of course, the woman could do the same thing, if she wasn't really into him.
NO TEXTING! thx 4 the bj, cu L8r NO!
11/18/2010
Total posts: 10
Unique posters: 9