How long should you wait after being emotionally abused and humiliated to date again?

How long should you wait after being emotionally abused and humiliated to date again?

Callisto Callisto
I'm worn down.. like.. to the point of where i could sleep all day if i wanted. I feel terrible but I do want to find someone to talk to at least.. I want to date in the future..

How long should I wait or is it just one of those things you know when it's right?
10/05/2011
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wetone123 wetone123
Take your time...there is no rush. You'll know when the time is right.
10/05/2011
Chilipepper Chilipepper
Use your intuition - it's just Feels Right to start again. Back in February I met what I thought was a terrific guy but it turned out he lied to me just to get a one night stand, then dumped me after five days of silence by defriending me on Facebook without any explanation.

One month later, Master showed up and surprised me by proving that mature gentlemen existed. Still with him.
10/05/2011
Peggi Peggi
There is no right or wrong time. Every individual is different. Some "bounce back" quickly and others take a longer time and it is all up to you. Don't rush it but if you find someone special don't hold back. You'll know when it's the right time. For me, I didn't take any time at all. Within 4 months after a VERY difficult splitup (divorce after being together 6 years) I entered into a very long term relationship (which I am in now)
10/05/2011
Shellz31 Shellz31
I think only you will truly know when you're ready again. There's no definite time frame.
10/05/2011
Callisto Callisto
I hate feeling helpless and unattractive.. maybe that's what I gotta do.. get in shape or at least get feeling better about my body.
10/05/2011
wrecklesswords wrecklesswords
Quote:
Originally posted by Callisto
I hate feeling helpless and unattractive.. maybe that's what I gotta do.. get in shape or at least get feeling better about my body.
I say do what makes you feel good. If getting out there and jogging every morning helps, do that, if doing jumping jacks helps, do that. If getting a small pet helps, do that.

And I agree with everyone else, it will feel right when it's right. Maybe keep a journal where you just write everything down? A friend of mine and I are doing this, it's called a "toxic journal" and you just write down your stream of thought whether it is negative or positive.

Maybe look into some yoga or meditation to help rid you of the nasty feelings left behind?

I had made my mind up that I wasn't going to actively seek a relationship of any kind with anybody until it felt right after my sexual assault last summer and after an ex had once again tried to come back into my life. And a few months later (waaaay sooner than I thought), I met my girlfriend and suddenly things felt different. It took another two months to realize that things were feeling right, but it just felt right and like this is what I'd been waiting on feeling.
10/05/2011
unfulfilled unfulfilled
You will know when the time is right. Everyone is different so just let your healing happen naturally. Someone else mentioned yoga, that's a perfect time to get our minds straight to sort things out. I always feel better after doing something like that! Find what works for you, and you know the Eden community is here for you.
10/05/2011
P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Callisto
I'm worn down.. like.. to the point of where i could sleep all day if i wanted. I feel terrible but I do want to find someone to talk to at least.. I want to date in the future..

How long should I wait or is it just one of those things ...
I'm sorry you are in such pain.

Take your time. When it's time to date again, your body and mind will let you know. What that boy did to you was disgusting, degrading and reprehensible. You are so much better off without him (I know everyone is telling you that, but it's SO true)

You can be a strong woman and you will heal. Eat some chocolate, grab your favorite 3 or 4 toys, put on a filthy movie or your favorite self indulgent TV show and make yourself happy.

We're here for you.

Hugs and Love,

P'Gell and everybody else
10/05/2011
Callisto Callisto
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
I'm sorry you are in such pain.

Take your time. When it's time to date again, your body and mind will let you know. What that boy did to you was disgusting, degrading and reprehensible. You are so much better off without him (I ...
I think the long distance aspect has cushioned the blow .. it's not like I'd go out and see him there. Out of sight, out of mind really helps.

I can't help but think it was the universe's way of saying "Ya know, this doesn't work.. be more social." I can't help but feel more open after the ordeal as much as I'd love to hide.. it's like hard to explain.

I didn't really want it to mean anything but I did talk to a cute guy in my class today that I wouldn't have dreamed of because of my shyness and our contrasting personalities. He's a country boy and I'm more of a punk rock.. wild haired geek.
10/05/2011
LadyDarknezz LadyDarknezz
Aww hun, it's one of those things that you do when you feel like it's right. Whenever you are ready to get back out in the dating world, you can take that chance. Of course, everyone is different, and there is no rush to get back out there. Just make sure you are alright first because your well-being means a lot.
10/05/2011
kinky girlfriend kinky girlfriend
Quote:
Originally posted by Callisto
I'm worn down.. like.. to the point of where i could sleep all day if i wanted. I feel terrible but I do want to find someone to talk to at least.. I want to date in the future..

How long should I wait or is it just one of those things ...
This thread caught my attention can I get some help on this plz?

Ok so my Ex and I work together we talk like we are dating sometimes still and I caught myself flirting a little last night. He was my manager..Well he was being too cute and I just wanted to reach over and kiss him..

later that night he got in a bad mood and it really upset me I felt he was talking to me like I was a piece of shit...I said "I dont talk to you like your a piece of shit" that comment semmed to put him in a worse mood it was like when the time came my shift was up I said can I go home now? he said yea like hurry up and get the fuck out of here go away.

Between stuff like that at work and being ill with severe digestive problems..sleep everynight is a battle I get more tired because the illness is tiring and my job is demanding...what the heck should I do? Im thinking just plug my ipod in and focus hard on work and block everyone out and music makes me happy..so I can be silent hard working and happy I guess.
10/05/2011
Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
Quote:
Originally posted by Callisto
I hate feeling helpless and unattractive.. maybe that's what I gotta do.. get in shape or at least get feeling better about my body.
My perspective is probably different than a lot of folks. I'm size 22/24 Woman with a 44DD bust size. My guy has never seen me smaller than size 16 and that was when I was 18 years old. I'm just large built.

I would never try to lose weight to get a guy or hold a guy. If you want to get in shape for yourself - that's something different. I want to lose about 60 pounds and am trying to make small changes towards that. But I'm doing it for me and not for anyone else.

I think you need to learn to love yourself in order to be in a long-term relationship. I also think that attractiveness might be in the eye of the beholder - but in a true adult - its also in what they see of your character and personality.

When I was almost 30, I had major gall bladder problems and had to have two surgeries. The second one was to save my life and they went in and managed to do so (had to drain out 6 liters of bile) - but they had to leave the incision open and then pack it every day with fresh gauze, etc. for a couple of weeks. (Before I left the hospital - my husband had to learn how to do it for me - or else they wouldn't let me go home - and my kids had to go to their grandparents).

Why do I share this?

Because I have an 9" scar that is ugly to look at and sometimes it seems to turn an angry red color. Most people would see it and look away and be grossed out.

My husband will look at it - and rub his finger along it and when I remark on how I hate it - he says, "I don't. Its not a scar - its a reminder that I almost lost you once and need to hold you tight."

That my dear, is a love that goes beyond caring about the attractiveness of the body and focuses on the attractiveness of the heart.

Its what I hope you find in a man some day.
10/06/2011
carenautilus carenautilus
Quote:
Originally posted by Callisto
I'm worn down.. like.. to the point of where i could sleep all day if i wanted. I feel terrible but I do want to find someone to talk to at least.. I want to date in the future..

How long should I wait or is it just one of those things ...
I'm so sorry you had to go through something like that. It's unbelievably hard to claw your way out of abusive relationships of all types, emotional abuse or otherwise. You are brave. You did the right thing. It was not your fault.

You know your heart and mind better than anyone, but I would advise giving yourself to process and get better. Do things that connect you to nature and to other people. Find a local park and go walking there whenever you can. By a notebook write down everything you think. Draw in it too, even if you feel silly. Find friends, and reconnect with old ones. Take hot baths and see movies and treat yourself like an incredibly important person. Because you are. You are important and lovable and you deserve to be happy and respected.

I really hope you find a path to a happier space, and I'm sending good vibes your way!
10/06/2011
shySEXXaddict shySEXXaddict
Quote:
Originally posted by Callisto
I'm worn down.. like.. to the point of where i could sleep all day if i wanted. I feel terrible but I do want to find someone to talk to at least.. I want to date in the future..

How long should I wait or is it just one of those things ...
you will no when its right...although my doctor told me its best to wait a year after having heartache or some sort of abusive relationship.
10/16/2011
Jobthingy Jobthingy
I have a 1 year rule. after a break up i dont even think about dating for a year. I have a fuck friend or 2 and that is it. After a break, you need time to find yourself, who you really are under all that mess. Once a year has passed, I am open to relationships and dating again but I dont actually go out and look. If it happens, it happens. I dont *need* a partner to make me.
10/16/2011
Callisto Callisto
We only dated for around 9 months so I'm waiting a bit longer. One bad side effect of the whole ordeal. No sex drive. My sex drive just ran away from me the night he humiliated me.

I can't find anything to bring it back
11/20/2011
Total posts: 17
Unique posters: 14