I say do what makes you feel good. If getting out there and jogging every morning helps, do that, if doing jumping jacks helps, do that. If getting a small pet helps, do that.

And I agree with everyone else, it will feel right when it's right. Maybe keep a journal where you just write everything down? A friend of mine and I are doing this, it's called a "toxic journal" and you just write down your stream of thought whether it is negative or positive.

Maybe look into some yoga or meditation to help rid you of the nasty feelings left behind?

I had made my mind up that I wasn't going to actively seek a relationship of any kind with anybody until it felt right after my sexual assault last summer and after an ex had once again tried to come back into my life. And a few months later (waaaay sooner than I thought), I met my girlfriend and suddenly things felt different. It took another two months to realize that things were feeling right, but it just felt right and like this is what I'd been waiting on feeling.

I'm sorry you are in such pain.

Take your time. When it's time to date again, your body and mind will let you know. What that boy did to you was disgusting, degrading and reprehensible. You are so much better off without him (I know everyone is telling you that, but it's SO true)

You can be a strong woman and you will heal. Eat some chocolate, grab your favorite 3 or 4 toys, put on a filthy movie or your favorite self indulgent TV show and make yourself happy.

We're here for you.

Hugs and Love,

P'Gell and everybody else

I think the long distance aspect has cushioned the blow .. it's not like I'd go out and see him there. Out of sight, out of mind really helps.

I can't help but think it was the universe's way of saying "Ya know, this doesn't work.. be more social." I can't help but feel more open after the ordeal as much as I'd love to hide.. it's like hard to explain.

I didn't really want it to mean anything but I did talk to a cute guy in my class today that I wouldn't have dreamed of because of my shyness and our contrasting personalities. He's a country boy and I'm more of a punk rock.. wild haired geek.

This thread caught my attention can I get some help on this plz?

Ok so my Ex and I work together we talk like we are dating sometimes still and I caught myself flirting a little last night. He was my manager..Well he was being too cute and I just wanted to reach over and kiss him..

later that night he got in a bad mood and it really upset me I felt he was talking to me like I was a piece of shit...I said "I dont talk to you like your a piece of shit" that comment semmed to put him in a worse mood it was like when the time came my shift was up I said can I go home now? he said yea like hurry up and get the fuck out of here go away.

Between stuff like that at work and being ill with severe digestive problems..sleep everynight is a battle I get more tired because the illness is tiring and my job is demanding...what the heck should I do? Im thinking just plug my ipod in and focus hard on work and block everyone out and music makes me happy..so I can be silent hard working and happy I guess.

My perspective is probably different than a lot of folks. I'm size 22/24 Woman with a 44DD bust size. My guy has never seen me smaller than size 16 and that was when I was 18 years old. I'm just large built.

I would never try to lose weight to get a guy or hold a guy. If you want to get in shape for yourself - that's something different. I want to lose about 60 pounds and am trying to make small changes towards that. But I'm doing it for me and not for anyone else.

I think you need to learn to love yourself in order to be in a long-term relationship. I also think that attractiveness might be in the eye of the beholder - but in a true adult - its also in what they see of your character and personality.

When I was almost 30, I had major gall bladder problems and had to have two surgeries. The second one was to save my life and they went in and managed to do so (had to drain out 6 liters of bile) - but they had to leave the incision open and then pack it every day with fresh gauze, etc. for a couple of weeks. (Before I left the hospital - my husband had to learn how to do it for me - or else they wouldn't let me go home - and my kids had to go to their grandparents).

Why do I share this?

Because I have an 9" scar that is ugly to look at and sometimes it seems to turn an angry red color. Most people would see it and look away and be grossed out.

My husband will look at it - and rub his finger along it and when I remark on how I hate it - he says, "I don't. Its not a scar - its a reminder that I almost lost you once and need to hold you tight."

That my dear, is a love that goes beyond caring about the attractiveness of the body and focuses on the attractiveness of the heart.

Its what I hope you find in a man some day.

I'm so sorry you had to go through something like that. It's unbelievably hard to claw your way out of abusive relationships of all types, emotional abuse or otherwise. You are brave. You did the right thing. It was not your fault.

You know your heart and mind better than anyone, but I would advise giving yourself to process and get better. Do things that connect you to nature and to other people. Find a local park and go walking there whenever you can. By a notebook write down everything you think. Draw in it too, even if you feel silly. Find friends, and reconnect with old ones. Take hot baths and see movies and treat yourself like an incredibly important person. Because you are. You are important and lovable and you deserve to be happy and respected.

I really hope you find a path to a happier space, and I'm sending good vibes your way!

you will no when its right...although my doctor told me its best to wait a year after having heartache or some sort of abusive relationship.