Nervousness is a side effect of over thinking things. I know it's hard not to do it, but the best way to avoid it is to focus on what's happening right in the present moment. Not what's in your head, but what's around you. Appreciate what you have, and just for what it is. Don't think about what has been or what might be. Think about now. Also, playing the fortune teller, as in "This just isn't going to work." isn't really a productive way of thinking and is self-defeating. Let things unfold naturally and don't expect anything good or bad to happen. Expectations pretty much always lead to disappointment, too, because things never really happen the way we imagine they will.

For now, just appreciate the little things he's doing now. Don't make too much of a big deal or stress over anything. Don't think of those things as "signs" that he either does or doesn't like you.

I used to be far worse than you and end up making myself a total nervous wreck, and it's really hard to be in the present moment and enjoy things when your head is running a million miles an hour. less

Value the friendship, appreciate the moments and try to relax. If there is something special, it will happen with or without your nervousness. Try being blunt--say I am so nervous, used to being single and am not sure how these things are supposed to go. Laugh a little and just go with it, let everything unfold naturally. The more you overthink, the more you will doubt.You do not need the doubt. Instead, picture it going perfectly, time and time and time again until you believe it. less

Have a fun evening making dinner with him!

I think Dawn did a good job outlining a few tips for not being nervous at the time, and I'd like to say the same thing for the bigger picture.

In the first place, don't even worry too much about "what is our potential future?" Just go, have dinner, without putting yourself under pressure. You'd have dinner with other friends without worrying too much, right?

Just pay attention to yourself and see if you're having fun with him.

A tip that I've discovered---usually, if I'm feeling nervous about myself in a social situation, I'll start asking the other person questions to get them talking. Lots of people like to talk and share, and by putting the focus on them, I'm both removing the focus from myself a little bit, and giving them a way to relate to me. And if the person and I get along, usually the conversation will flow well enough that I'll be spurred by what they're talking about. But what I mean is---if you're feeling anxious---odds are, so is he. Focus on alleviating his anxiety and you'll find things naturally fall into place.

Um, so this joke my dad always used to tell:

The boy didn't want to go to the county dance. He wasn't sure how to dance and none of the girls liked him and none of the girls would *ever* like him, most of all because he had lost an eye and his family couldn't afford a glass replacement, so he had a wooden eye. He was really ashamed of himself and how he looked so he wasn't going to go to the dance. But his mother told him, "There are just as many girls who are going to the dance who are going to be just dying for attention, feeling like nobody thinks they're attractive because there aren't enough boys there to ask everyone to dance. So even if you don't think you're handsome, I can guarantee that the girl that you ask to dance will be grateful you came."

So the boy gets up his gumption and goes to the dance. And he stands on the wall for a little while, and sure enough, he sees that his mom was right---lots of couples are dancing, but there are also a few girls just sitting on the edge of the hall, digging their toes into the ground and looking at everyone's shoes. So the boy decides to go up to the one closest to his side of the hall, and when he goes up to her he sees that she's trying to hide one side of her head. She has a cauliflower ear. The boy thinks "Oh, I can ask her to dance for sure!" And so he asks her "Hi, I hope I'm not interrupting, but would you like to dance?"

She stands up, beaming, and says "Would I? Would I?---

but before she can finish with "I'd love to!"

he shouts at her "Big ear! Big ear!"

and runs out of the hall. less

Aah! I have never told this joke by text before. Even though she was saying "Would I? [I'd love to!]", he heard "Wood-eye! Wood-eye!" and got defensive.

Point is, your insecurities are probably not the biggest thing on your date's mind! In fact, probably the opposite! less

Okay, this is basically "Rin's nervous and needs to get stuff off her chest via long forum post" time, so bear with me.

There's a guy I've known since at least seventh grade (most of my childhood is either blacked out or extremely blurry, but I'm certain I've known him longer) and he's always been a good friend. Even back when I was basically a pariah in school, he was one of the few who was nice to me. We went on one or two dates back in tenth grade, but my own shyness and insecurity caused it to just kind of fade away, and I've always felt guilty about that.

He kept in touch with me through (of all things) private messages through our Youtube accounts, and I always heard from him at least once every few months - it was always him initiating these little conversations, never the other way around. A few weeks ago I took a much bolder step than I've ever taken, and messaged him and invited him to come see me at work. And just last week, he did! And tomorrow evening I'm going to his place for dinner!

My trouble is, as happy as I am, my old nervousness is coming back and biting me hard. He was very clearly into me back then, but I'm not sure about now. I'd be happy, so very happy, simply to reconnect with an old friend but at the same time my long-term loneliness keeps nudging me towards hoping for more. But I've only ever dated two other times aside from him, and I'm afraid I'm going to end up doing the same thing I always do: getting uncomfortable and shying away.

It's just... GAH! I don't know what to think! I know what I'm hoping for, but I don't know if I should, and when I let myself hope, I start to worry soon after!

I'm not really asking for advice (though any will certainly be appreciated). If you guys just read this and moved on, I'm grateful even for that. I just really, really don't know how I should be feeling and if anyone's got a kind word, please send it my way. less

Nervousness is a side effect of over thinking things. I know it's hard not to do it, but the best way to avoid it is to focus on what's happening right in the present moment. Not what's in your head, but what's around you. Appreciate what you have, and just for what it is. Don't think about what has been or what might be. Think about now. Also, playing the fortune teller, as in "This just isn't going to work." isn't really a productive way of thinking and is self-defeating. Let things unfold naturally and don't expect anything good or bad to happen. Expectations pretty much always lead to disappointment, too, because things never really happen the way we imagine they will.

For now, just appreciate the little things he's doing now. Don't make too much of a big deal or stress over anything. Don't think of those things as "signs" that he either does or doesn't like you.

I used to be far worse than you and end up making myself a total nervous wreck, and it's really hard to be in the present moment and enjoy things when your head is running a million miles an hour. less

How's it been going?

I totally understand where you're coming from. I am totally the "shying away" type. My suggestion is to take it very very slow and only do what you're comfortable with, don't push yourself too hard, and hopefully you'll both be patient with yourselves! less

So far, I haven't seen him again. We've sent a few emails back and forth, though I'm always the one initiating the conversations. I'm trying not to bombard him - if there's anything I can't stand being, it's a nuisance.

I'm going to keep up with the occasional emails, and see if anything comes of it. less

So far, I haven't seen him again. We've sent a few emails back and forth, though I'm always the one initiating the conversations. I'm trying not to bombard him - if there's anything I can't stand being, it's a nuisance.

I'm going to keep up with the occasional emails, and see if anything comes of it. less