No sex life. Help? Advice wanted and needed!

The New Intimacy

No sex life. Help? Advice wanted and needed!

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Contributor: heyhihello heyhihello
I'm 20, and my boyfriend is 21. I've been dating him for 5 months now, and for the past month I've been wanting to have sex. I've only been with one guy, (my ex). But my boyfriend (current one) hasn't responded to me.. (ie.. we do nothing, no oral, zip nothing...) I've even straight out told him (honey I want to have sex.)Well I finally got it out of him one night that he was nervous, because he had never had sex before. (I know hes shy and stuff, and I knew he never had sex before. We barely kiss because he really doesn't know how to make-out)


Is there anyway I can make him want me and want to have sex with me and make out, and make him feel conferrable all at the same time?
05/12/2012
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Contributor: Nazaress Nazaress
My opinion is that you should give him all of the time that he needs, even if it is hard for you. If you really care about him, you'll care about his thoughts, feelings, and fears and not pressure him. Imagine if it was the other way around and YOU were a virgin. If a guy was like "Hey, baby. It's okay. It's just sex. It's no big deal." or just pressured you to have sex in general, I'm sure you would feel awful. You would feel bad for rejecting him and depending on how much he brought it up or tried to go through with it, you might not even feel safe. It's the same for him. You should only have sex if you're absolutely ready and if he's having doubts, then I'd say he's not "absolutely ready". If you simply can't wait for him, I'm afraid you'll probably have to break up, but the consent and willingness of both parties is extremely important so if that has to happen because he won't be ready soon enough for you, so be it.

That being said, you might want to sit down with him and have a talk. Tell him that it's okay that he's a virgin and he's new to everything. Tell him that you're inexperienced, too, and that you two can learn together. Make sure he knows that he is in a safe place with you and all that matters is that you do it together, not whether or not it's "perfect". It'll BE perfect because you two are in love (I presume). After that, let it drop. Don't pressure him. Don't bring it up a lot. Don't jump at him or try to do things to "turn him on". Let him come to you at his own pace. It's his choice and he deserves to make it on his own.
05/12/2012
Contributor: PeachieClean PeachieClean
Well, It is important that you're both ready and comfortable. I suggest a -lot- of masturbation for now. But, you should reassure him. Hell, even *teach* him. I'm sure he wants to be more physical with you too, so maybe if you offer up some lessons he'll relax a little. It'll take a bit of patience to get to actual sex, but if you're willing to help him, it'll happen eventually.
05/12/2012
Contributor: heyhihello heyhihello
Quote:
Originally posted by Nazaress
My opinion is that you should give him all of the time that he needs, even if it is hard for you. If you really care about him, you'll care about his thoughts, feelings, and fears and not pressure him. Imagine if it was the other way around and ... more
Thanks for putting it like that. I'm just worried that that there may be something wrong with me, that he may not see me like that.
05/12/2012
Contributor: heyhihello heyhihello
Quote:
Originally posted by PeachieClean
Well, It is important that you're both ready and comfortable. I suggest a -lot- of masturbation for now. But, you should reassure him. Hell, even *teach* him. I'm sure he wants to be more physical with you too, so maybe if you offer up ... more
Thanks for the advice!! It's helped me out a lot
05/12/2012
Contributor: Rossie Rossie
Probably not you nor your boyfriend's thing, but I'd suggest getting a soft porn or two, either let him watch it alone or together with him, and let him get the hang of things.

This instructional DVD seems promising: The Expert Guide To Positions.
05/12/2012
Contributor: VelvetDragon VelvetDragon
There are some great books and movies out there that might help him be more comfortable. I highly suggest "Sex for One" by Betty Dodson, even though a lot of it is about females, it's relevant to all people. I've made family members read it! They share it with their boyfriends and girlfriends. Seriously! It's amazing.

And I agree, don't push him too hard, but reassure him. Tell him you'll wait as long as he needs, but that there's no pressure for him to "perform" or whatever when you do it. After you make out, tell him how nice it was to do that, and praise what he did right -- that'll teach him to do those "right" things more next time. I'm sure he's afraid of "messing up".

Communication, communication, communication. Talk a lot!
05/13/2012