The New Intimacy

Fear of Divorce keeps pushing back wedding..

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Contributor: kittycatgirl kittycatgirl
We have been engaged for 2 years now. We have our ups and downs, we have our fights, but we do truly love eachother. There have been a lot of different HUGE issues that have come up and caused problems in our relationship, many of which were caused by extended family.
I have decided a few times now to start planning a wedding.. but it always ends up lasting for only a week or two. I think I have this fear that things will not work long term and we will get divorced. Yet I can't imagine not being with him either. I don't want to leave, I'm just scared because marriage is a huge commitment and I feel like we have too many problems to make that big of a leap of faith.
What do you all think about this? Is this a normal feeling?
02/21/2012
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Contributor: js250 js250
If something is holding you back, there is a reason for it. The huge issues will always be there, just some different ones as time goes by and some get resolved. Every relationship has ups and downs, my husband and I are prime examples of this, we are either best friends or worst enemies. No middle ground. But we have made it work, sometimes barely, for 15 years. I can't imagine my life without him and I love him completely. Was I scared to get married? Hell yeah!! Would I do it again knowing what the last 15 years have been like? Hell yeah!! Only you know what is going on and what is right for you. Good luck and if you need someone to talk to message me.
02/21/2012
Contributor: Rossie Rossie
There are lots of issues that a couple can compromise on, but family-related problems are things that won't go away, unless you two move far away from them. Like js250 said, you hold back for a reason, good thing you're the logical type when it comes to marriage.
02/21/2012
Contributor: GravyCakes GravyCakes
try seeing a therapist. there are a number of couples who go to therapy before their wedding. maybe it could help you both see the issues, what exactly is causing them, & how you each settle them. it may help you both see if you will be able to make it work.
02/21/2012
Contributor: kittycatgirl kittycatgirl
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
If something is holding you back, there is a reason for it. The huge issues will always be there, just some different ones as time goes by and some get resolved. Every relationship has ups and downs, my husband and I are prime examples of this, we ... more
That really answered my question.. I always ask myself if I will regret it later on. All the things you said about you and your husband are exactly like me and my fiance. We love each other sooo much, but sometimes we want to kill each other. It's one or the other really. But like you said, I can't imagine my life without him. You have no idea how much your response just helped me. Thank you SO much!
02/23/2012
Contributor: kittycatgirl kittycatgirl
Quote:
Originally posted by GravyCakes
try seeing a therapist. there are a number of couples who go to therapy before their wedding. maybe it could help you both see the issues, what exactly is causing them, & how you each settle them. it may help you both see if you will be able ... more
We actually have done therapy before and it really helped. So maybe we just need to go once in awhile when big issues pop up. Thanks for the advice!
02/23/2012