Finding out that you are kinky???

Finding out that you are kinky???

jessterinthebed jessterinthebed
So I've been married for 7 years. We never had much of a sex life, until I had a baby, now I want every kind of sex every way. I'm totally a different person...My husband is not.
I'm a total sub, but my husband doesn't get anything about it. Any advice would be great.
07/30/2011
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Ghost Ghost
Try explaining it to him or give him books or things to read. Or just kind of put him where you want him and tell him what to do. If he still doesn't get it, find a new husband.
07/31/2011
jessterinthebed jessterinthebed
lol thanks maybe books would help. I can't really explain things very well sometimes.
07/31/2011
Ghost Ghost
I have found that giving my husband erotica that I particularly like really helps, as well as informational books. However, make sure you read every bit of the book first, so you can offer helpful commentary if there is something you want him to focus on, or something you disagree with.
07/31/2011
Ansley Ansley
When I met my husband he had a pretty basic idea of sex. He knew of more than the standard missionary but wasn't ever really in a position to take anything to a kinky level with his previous partners. I waltzed in and changed both of our sex lives by asking one very simple, open-ended question: Have you ever thought about doing something different?
07/31/2011
TheSlyFox TheSlyFox
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
When I met my husband he had a pretty basic idea of sex. He knew of more than the standard missionary but wasn't ever really in a position to take anything to a kinky level with his previous partners. I waltzed in and changed both of our sex ...
Same here Sapphire.
08/01/2011
jessterinthebed jessterinthebed
I hope things go as well for me. I guess it is going to take time to. I kind of feel bad for him because he didn't really marry the person I have become.
08/01/2011
EJ EJ
Yeah, it probably will take some time. But the process might be fun. How boring would a marriage be if neither person ever grew or changed? Change keeps things new and exciting. I'm excited for you both. I started really opening up sexually in my late 20's as well. I think it happens for a lot of us during our late-twenties to mid-thirties.

I think it's commendable that you have some sympathy for where your husband is coming from. That's a definite asset in any relationship. As long as you continue to keep his feelings in mind as well as your own (rather than trying to force, criticize or guilt him into doing what you want), it sounds like you might still have a chance of working together to find small changes that you'd both feel comfortable with. But you know him and we don't; so much depends on WHY he's uncomfortable with this change in sexual direction. Is it a turn-off to him because of past sexual abuse, preconceived ideas about "deviant" sex, a violation of religious beliefs...etc?

I like some of the ideas that were mentioned previously about letting him read some books (or something shorter, like a short story or article) that you find erotic. Or maybe you could just ask him to do something easy and specific that you find to be a turn-on, without enlightening him to the details of the fantasy that's running through your mind at the time (if you think it's a fantasy with which he'd be uncomfortable).

I wouldn't feel too bad for him just yet; he might actually end up liking some of the changes once he adjusts to them. Good luck. I hope things end up going well for both of you.
08/05/2011
Total posts: 8
Unique posters: 5