The New Intimacy

Happily unmarried or unhappily married?

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Contributor: ss143 ss143
Have you ever known a couple that were together HAPPILY for years and then decide what the hell lets make it official? Then 6 months or a year later they hate each other and are getting a divorce.

My family/friends have this debate all the time which would you rather- be together but not married and be happy or make it official and risk losing everything?

I find in this day and age marriage isn't necessary and with the divorce rates so high why go through all of that?

Personally if it ain't broke don't fix it. I'm not against marriage in any way but personally if we are happy and it works for us let sleeping dogs lie. For some reason the little piece of paper tends to change things.

So out of curiosity what does everyone think about this? Any experience with this type of situation? Explain in the comments

Question:Which would you rather happily unmarried or risk it?
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
Happily unmarried
25  (38%)
Risk it
31  (47%)
Other ( because there usually is lol)
10  (15%)
Total votes: 66
Poll is closed
05/25/2011
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Contributor: K101 K101
I have known a couple kind of like this! My sister was with my brother in law from the time I was a kid until this year. He is so wonderful and always loved her more than anything. I hated him for years because he was overly protective over my twin and me. We grew up with him being our brother though and then all of a sudden him and my sister finally decided to marry after having 4 kids. 3 of them are his and the oldest is not his. The youngest died when she was 19 days old anyways, this past year my sister came out with her affair. We'd all caught on by then because she wasn't trying to hide it and unfortunately I walk the track in our area and she and my brother in law's best male friend were there doing it! Ugh! I hated that I was put in the situation and now it's gotten way worse. They're not divorced yet, but working on it. It went way down hill. But they got back together last month & he walked in his house and her and the other man were sleeping together. Then it got extremely bad! So yea, I've definitely known a couple like that. Lol. But they're about the only one's I've ever known that was in a situation like that.
05/26/2011
Contributor: Adriana Ravenlust Adriana Ravenlust
If marriage somehow makes everything go to hell.. you're not really happily unmarried, in my opinion.
05/26/2011
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by ss143
Have you ever known a couple that were together HAPPILY for years and then decide what the hell lets make it official? Then 6 months or a year later they hate each other and are getting a divorce.

My family/friends have this debate all the ... more
I prefer to be in a poly relationship so necessarily I am happily unmarried to one of my partners. I would love to make it official and make an honest man out of him but the powers that be have decided God doesn't want that and so NO ONE should be allowed this luxury. God truly does forbid that insurance companies have to change their thinking...strange how that works out...
05/26/2011
Contributor: toxie m toxie m
I do hope to get married someday. I'm not sure why it's so important to me, but it really is. I love the idea of marrying my boyfriend and officially being his wife. Then again, I'm a sub so maybe it ties into my liking being possessed. Hopefully marriage doesn't somehow change our compatibility like it did that couple you know.
05/26/2011
Contributor: ss143 ss143
Thanks for your thoughts I am always curious how others see this
05/26/2011
Contributor: tffnyandrs tffnyandrs
I am actually happily married! Does it get hard sometimes, sure! But it would get hard if I were alone also! So I choose to go it with my best friend hard or not!
05/26/2011
Contributor: Wyo Daisy Wyo Daisy
Quote:
Originally posted by ss143
Have you ever known a couple that were together HAPPILY for years and then decide what the hell lets make it official? Then 6 months or a year later they hate each other and are getting a divorce.

My family/friends have this debate all the ... more
My husband did not live together before we were married (I was 27 and he was 32 when we married) and we have been marrried for 14 years. Since we did not live together before marriage, i guess that the piece of paper did change things. Have there been rough times - yes! We have 3 children and one of our kids was in the ICU for 3 days when he was first diagnosed with a chronic condition that changed all our lives. This was something that has caused our relationship long term stress, but we chose to work through it, together.
05/28/2011
Contributor: big b big b
30 years is not a risk
05/28/2011
Contributor: froggiemoma froggiemoma
happily divorced
05/28/2011
Contributor: CAKES CAKES
I answered happily unmarried, but I am actually undecided. I'm in the same boat. I was married before, and I ended up divorcing him. Now I'm committed again, and unsure if I would want to try marriage again. Sometimes I do want to get married, and sometimes I think it would just ruin things.
05/28/2011
Contributor: Rhazya Rhazya
What about unhappily unmarried?
05/31/2011
Contributor: ss143 ss143
Quote:
Originally posted by Rhazya
What about unhappily unmarried?
That's one to and the reason I put other for those options or situation I wasn't thinking about at the time posting this
05/31/2011
Contributor: Shellz31 Shellz31
Marriage means crap to me. I really don't see the point and highly doubt I will ever choose it!
Most end in divorce which just causes stress I don't need.
Besides, if a partner cheats or one gets sick of the other, ya can just up and leave. To me, marriage is just a piece of paper and a hell of a lot of expense.
06/02/2011
Contributor: Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
Quote:
Originally posted by Shellz31
Marriage means crap to me. I really don't see the point and highly doubt I will ever choose it!
Most end in divorce which just causes stress I don't need.
Besides, if a partner cheats or one gets sick of the other, ya can just up and ... more
If it's as bad as you say - why are gays so determined to get the right to suffer so much pain and suffering.
06/02/2011
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Gunsmoke
If it's as bad as you say - why are gays so determined to get the right to suffer so much pain and suffering.
This seems to me to be a very emotional response to an opinion. It's also pretty insulting to same sex partners. Not all homosexuals desire marriage anymore than all heterosexuals do.

Shellz31's opposition and personal choice to not get married doesn't invalidate your marriage nor does it invalidate anyone else's desire to enter into the institution of marriage.

To answer your question: SOME same sex partnerships are interested in marriage because they believe in the concept of marriage and want to be able to solidify thier relationships in what should be a socially acceptible institution. Not all homosexual couples desire this but, like most of us, they would like the option.
06/02/2011
Contributor: cec578 cec578
too much family pressure to get married is what would make me risk it
06/02/2011
Contributor: BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
This seems to me to be a very emotional response to an opinion. It's also pretty insulting to same sex partners. Not all homosexuals desire marriage anymore than all heterosexuals do.

Shellz31's opposition and personal choice to not ... more
THIS.

I believe that marriage is a personal right that should be extended to everyone. No matter nationality, gender, or sexual orientation. It's PERSONAL, not POLITICAL. It wasn't that long ago that you couldn't marry someone of a different color. The only way homosexuality could affect my marriage were if one of us were to leave the other for someone of the same sex. "Lucy" marrying "Samantha" would do nothing to affect the sanctity of marriage. Heterosexuals fubarred the sanctity of marriage LONG ago!

That being said, I'd rather be with someone that I was in love with and attracted to my whole life and NOT be married than be married and end up resenting each other. It's all about a commitment to work things through; if you can't, either scenario can end up in heartbreak.
06/02/2011
Contributor: IrishLassie IrishLassie
I am happily married. Just like EVERY couple (married or not) there are times when things get tough, but we made a commitment to be with each other. My brother on the other hand has been with his GF for 5 yrs (give or take) and he doesnt see the point of marriage. He thinks there's not point or value to it if he can be happy with the way things are. Personally, from knowing him, he has a slightly distorted view of marriage because we came from a divorced family. However, I still believe there is something good about marriage and I strongly believe in marriage, which is funny because I NEVER wanted to get married, not because of I thought there was something wrong about it or that I would end up in divorce. I was just very happy and content, being single actually. But my wonderful happy changed all that

@BBW- I have to disagree with you that heterosexuals fubarred the sanctity of marriage.
06/02/2011
Contributor: Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
Quote:
Originally posted by BBW Talks Toys
THIS.

I believe that marriage is a personal right that should be extended to everyone. No matter nationality, gender, or sexual orientation. It's PERSONAL, not POLITICAL. It wasn't that long ago that you couldn't marry ... more
Why do we not allow polygamy? Hopefully we can keep the NAMBLA agenda out of the dialog.
06/02/2011
Contributor: BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
Quote:
Originally posted by IrishLassie
I am happily married. Just like EVERY couple (married or not) there are times when things get tough, but we made a commitment to be with each other. My brother on the other hand has been with his GF for 5 yrs (give or take) and he doesnt see the ... more
Really? Celebrities with 50 hour marriages? The percentages of divorce out there? I just think that the sanctity of marriage, in general, has been destroyed. There are people that uphold it. There are people that do everything in their power to make it work, but for the majority of the population, marriage is seen as something that is reversible, a piece of paper, an excuse to have a big party and a fancy $20K dress. That's not everyone, but that's a lot of people.

To me, mental, physical, verbal, and/or emotional abuse are the deal breakers. Everything else can be worked through, even adultery. There has to be a willingness to and a desire to work it out, and not everyone (in fact, I would say a majority of people) don't have that kind of commitment.
06/02/2011
Contributor: BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
Quote:
Originally posted by Gunsmoke
Why do we not allow polygamy? Hopefully we can keep the NAMBLA agenda out of the dialog.
I deleted a super long post because, frankly, it's getting off-topic. That said, I don't give three flying discs what people do as long as they're not abusive (physically, mentally, emotionally, sexually) to anyone, or are mass murderers, or rapists or something. Other than that, I don't see what it has to do with me, AT ALL.

And back to your comment about "gays" wanting marriage....



Y'all, let's not forget.
06/02/2011
Contributor: Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
Quote:
Originally posted by BBW Talks Toys
I deleted a super long post because, frankly, it's getting off-topic. That said, I don't give three flying discs what people do as long as they're not abusive (physically, mentally, emotionally, sexually) to anyone, or are mass ... more
My question is where do you draw the line? Is polygamy acceptable - if not why not?
06/02/2011
Contributor: IrishLassie IrishLassie
Quote:
Originally posted by BBW Talks Toys
Really? Celebrities with 50 hour marriages? The percentages of divorce out there? I just think that the sanctity of marriage, in general, has been destroyed. There are people that uphold it. There are people that do everything in their power to ... more
But my wonderful happy changed all that- I meant to say: my wonderful "hubby" changed all that.

people are seeing it as a piece of paper because those people who get married on a whim, a drunken stupor, or because "well I dont want to be married anymore, and its easier to get divorced than making a commitment" To that part I agree with you. But that's going to happen no matter if its hetero or homosexual marriage. Its the...its the people who dont value marriage like they're supposed to that give it a bad name, Not JUST heterosexuals. So to that part, I disagree with you as it is not entirely heterosexuals fubarring marriage.

I agree that there needs to be a level of commitment and I agree that a lot of people dont have that kind of commitment, because we as people can be selfish, and lazy and dont want to take the hard route, because the easier path is far more instant gratification. Ie: I dont want to married- get divorced, I dont love you anymore- get divorced, Im bored- get divorced, We're having a fight and I just want to work things out anymore- get divorced. It's situations like this that people get divorced and the sanctity and value of marriage is rapidly declinging and this is a results of humand kind (doesnt matter the sexuality).
06/02/2011
Contributor: BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
Quote:
Originally posted by Gunsmoke
My question is where do you draw the line? Is polygamy acceptable - if not why not?
I don't care. Just because I don't understand something doesn't make it inherently "bad" or "wrong."

I may be assuming too much, and if I am, then I apologize, but if you mean to imply that if state governments concede on the issue of gay marriage, what's next? Well, I would say that two wrongs don't make a right. Not giving people their rights to marry the people they love because you're afraid of who will ask for rights next is just fear-mongering.

I stand by my original post: I'd rather be happily unmarried than unhappily married. THAT is what this thread is about.
06/02/2011
Contributor: BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
Quote:
Originally posted by IrishLassie
But my wonderful happy changed all that- I meant to say: my wonderful "hubby" changed all that.

people are seeing it as a piece of paper because those people who get married on a whim, a drunken stupor, or because "well I dont ... more
See, and here's where I agree and disagree.

It *IS* that attitude that devalues marriage, if it's a flippant attitude. But there are couples out there who have repeatedly taken the hard road. Have repeatedly done everything in their power to work things out. Have fought long and hard for their marriage. And then it still fails. It's not that they aren't willing to fight, it's that there's no fight left in them. It's that the marriage has disintegrated.
06/02/2011
Contributor: BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
Quote:
Originally posted by BBW Talks Toys
See, and here's where I agree and disagree.

It *IS* that attitude that devalues marriage, if it's a flippant attitude. But there are couples out there who have repeatedly taken the hard road. Have repeatedly done everything in ... more
In other words, at some point you need to take an honest look at the relationship and see if it's beneficial to stay. What's the point of staying married to someone if you always fight, you try and try to find common ground, and no matter how long you try, you still end up disliking, disrespecting, and hurting one another?
06/02/2011
Contributor: IrishLassie IrishLassie
Quote:
Originally posted by BBW Talks Toys
See, and here's where I agree and disagree.

It *IS* that attitude that devalues marriage, if it's a flippant attitude. But there are couples out there who have repeatedly taken the hard road. Have repeatedly done everything in ... more
Oh I was not referring to those who have fought and clung onto tooth and nail to try and make it work when I posted that. Sometimes sadly it just doent work out for the reason you and I both just mentioned, and also to the emotional and physical abuse that you mentioned earlier. By no means am I going to stay married to someone who is going to abuse me, and personally I dont think any person should have to subjucate themselves to that. If it was something like that, referring to the title of the post, I would rather be happily unmarried than unhappily married.
06/02/2011
Contributor: Kdlips Kdlips
Happily unmarried
06/02/2011
Contributor: The Curious Couple The Curious Couple
My fiancee and I have decided to "risk it," but I don't think we'll have too many problems together.
06/02/2011