The New Intimacy

How do you "make up" after a fight?

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Contributor: ToyGurl ToyGurl
My soon to be husband just surprised me and bought me 3 dozen mauve roses (huge ones!) and a box of freshly made godiva chocolates... also brought me the sweetest card that read:

"What can I say? It's been a crazy ride... We've had our ups, and we've had our downs. Sometimes things can be frustrating. But no matter what, I want you to know that I appreciate all that you do. I'm so happy to see that you will soon be graduating from school. I just don't know how you manage to look for a house, plan our wedding, study, go to work, and have time for yourself... better yet, for me. You've never failed to give me a special night. Here are 3 dozen mauve roses. Aside from the fact that they are your favorite color roses, the color also means that my feelings for you will last forever. So go enjoy these chocolates (unless you already have). Turn on your favorite show, take a bubble bath, or go to sleep... whatever you need to do to feel relaxed, sweetheart. Don't rush out to get me a card, and don't rush out to get any stockings. Just do me a favor and be there in the bedroom tomorrow night so I can make love to my gorgeous fiance. No special wardrobe required.

P.S. - I cannot wait to marry you."



That, right there, is one of the reasons why I am marrying this man. Just when I feel I've been pushed to my limits, he knows how to calm me down. It isn't just the gifts, but the thought he puts into everything. We got in a little argument earlier over some wardrobe preferences in bed - check my other forum posts and you'll understand. It was all very silly, yet serious in the way that I felt I wasn't living up to his standards. He went home, I fell asleep and awoke to this sitting on the table in my apartment.

So, how do you guys make up with your s/o after an argument?
05/06/2011
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Contributor: Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
We're very different. We do everything we can to avoid serious arguments. By carving out personal space and allowing the other great freedom of action, we have no 'turf' battles. We may be missing out on 'make-up' sex, but hopefully we benefit from the lack of anger and drama.
05/06/2011
Contributor: liilii080 liilii080
I posted something similar a few months ago because we got into it over something that happened at our Superbowl party. The consensus then was that you don't need to do anything special but appreciate what he has offered and learn the lesson so hopefully it doesn't happen again.

Personally, if I've really screwed up, I write him a note and leave it somewhere, I clean up the house the way he likes (neat freak!), make a nice dinner, and then when he gets home and has read my note, I tell him again that I am sorry and how I will change my actions in the future. Enjoy the chocolates and roses!
05/06/2011
Contributor: ToyGurl ToyGurl
I also do the cleaning thing. Well, I used to do it at his old apartment. My fiance and I honestly do not disagree on things too often. When we do, we aren't afraid to take each other on. But there have been a few times when it's just really bad, and over silly things. We have been stressed a lot lately since the wedding planning started. I also got off of birth control, which has sent my hormones up the wall (I'm going to get back on them now lmao).

I just basically would just clean the place, sometimes leave notes on the fridge or cards in his truck, and make his favorite foods for dinner. He also really enjoys back massages and things like that. Romantic evenings with rose petals and a bath for two - he's sensitive! So that's what I've done in the past.

I definitely enjoyed the chocolates, and the roses are so pretty! Gives me butterflies.
05/06/2011
Contributor: ToyGurl ToyGurl
Quote:
Originally posted by Gunsmoke
We're very different. We do everything we can to avoid serious arguments. By carving out personal space and allowing the other great freedom of action, we have no 'turf' battles. We may be missing out on 'make-up' sex, but ... more
I can understand that. We used to live together, but we found that the stress of having a messy cramped space was unnecessary - so we're living apart until after the wedding. That way we can avoid the mess. We're both clean freaks, and our little arguments were usually over laundry piling up or "too much crap in my closet". Very silly things.

Try the make-up sex though. Sometimes (this is really interesting) we kind of "induce" the makeup sex feeling by a little playful spanking, or fake arguing. It's not for everyone, but it worked for us. Idk what it is about that sex.
05/06/2011
Contributor: PiratePrincess PiratePrincess
We usually just talk it out and end up snuggling. I always buy or make him something thoughtful when I feel bad about something, and he tries to do something nice for me. We don't have fights very often though.
05/06/2011
Contributor: married with children married with children
we dont fight often. Or should I say, I dont fight with her often. She gets angry all the time. I like to make up with some good sex
05/07/2011
Contributor: Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
Quote:
Originally posted by ToyGurl
I can understand that. We used to live together, but we found that the stress of having a messy cramped space was unnecessary - so we're living apart until after the wedding. That way we can avoid the mess. We're both clean freaks, and our ... more
I appreciate your suggestion - but fights take two and she's not buying it!
05/07/2011
Contributor: ac0313 ac0313
hmmm, we have not had an argument. We have actually discussed this topic more than once and honestly believe that we may never have an argument. That does not mean that we always agree, but we have been completely open and honest from day one so we talk about everything. If one has a question or a concern, it can be brought up with no judgement or snap reaction. We will continue to share our true feelings as our relationship matures. Note, we met 5 months ago and became committed on an open relationship about 2 months ago.
05/07/2011
Contributor: Joie de Cherresse Joie de Cherresse
We have an all night, intense fuck fest. The best kind of sex we ever have, lol.
05/07/2011
Contributor: Cedarlooman Cedarlooman
I don't get angry often, but when she does, wow you would have to be an idiot not to recognize it. I get the silent treatment + cold shoulder until she is ready to let me know what I did wrong. We then discuss it and usually have some pretty awesome make-up sex. Every once in a while when I know I caused whatever is making her angry and didn't just happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, I will buy her flowers or something else a conciliatory gesture.
05/08/2011
Contributor: cobiffle cobiffle
usually it was just we would lay down talk and stuff started to slowly happen from there.
05/08/2011
Contributor: Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
Quote:
Originally posted by ToyGurl
I can understand that. We used to live together, but we found that the stress of having a messy cramped space was unnecessary - so we're living apart until after the wedding. That way we can avoid the mess. We're both clean freaks, and our ... more
Ok - so I made myself mad because she was not paying attention to my obvious sexual overtures, then when she finally 'got it' - it was really intense (at least for me) as you described! Thanks
05/08/2011
Contributor: Ajax Ajax
We don't fight very often , but when we do we usually just talk it out and then cuddle while we watch a movie or while he plays his games. We've never done the make up sex thing because even though the issue is resolved or over I'm still usually a little pissed and am in no mood for sex.
05/09/2011
Contributor: babyboii1619 babyboii1619
Normally we'd just start to talking and well of course we'd end it on a good note with the make-up sex or a date night. It can really get you past most minor problems until the bigger ones arise.
05/13/2011
Contributor: ToyGurl ToyGurl
Quote:
Originally posted by Joie de Cherresse
We have an all night, intense fuck fest. The best kind of sex we ever have, lol.
Lmao this cracked me up! But yes, it definitely is.
05/16/2011
Contributor: ToyGurl ToyGurl
Quote:
Originally posted by Gunsmoke
Ok - so I made myself mad because she was not paying attention to my obvious sexual overtures, then when she finally 'got it' - it was really intense (at least for me) as you described! Thanks
Np I've noticed a lot of our comments are really similar on here! I guess all couples aren't THAT different.
05/16/2011
Contributor: salaciousrex salaciousrex
If it's late, he usually just likes to go to bed, which I hate. I like to talk things out, unless it's nothing major then I just want to have make up sex right away and forget about it all.
05/16/2011
Contributor: Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
Quote:
Originally posted by ToyGurl
Np I've noticed a lot of our comments are really similar on here! I guess all couples aren't THAT different.
True - couples experiences can be similar. But since I'm more than 2x your age, I suspect my perspective will be a little different on some things. My wife is in her late 40s and although we've been using toys more than 10 years, it's always been as a passive participant. I've finally gotten her actively involved.

So you have a huge head-start on a very rewarding long term relationship - we wish all the best of luck as new opportunities and challenges arise!
05/16/2011
Contributor: XPS XPS
This one's easy! Make-up sex! :]]
05/17/2011
Contributor: ToyGurl ToyGurl
Quote:
Originally posted by Gunsmoke
True - couples experiences can be similar. But since I'm more than 2x your age, I suspect my perspective will be a little different on some things. My wife is in her late 40s and although we've been using toys more than 10 years, it's ... more
Thank you so much
06/03/2011
Contributor: MaryExy MaryExy
We haven't fought much. The one time I remember, we made up with cam sex... I'm assuming sex will still be a major make-up routine when we can live together.
06/03/2011
Contributor: lovemuscle n cookie lovemuscle n cookie
Depends on how bad the other one screwed up. Usually it'll lead to make up sex.
06/15/2011
Contributor: Naughty Student Naughty Student
We usually talk it out till its resolved. We know the argument is over when we both feel comfortable enough to cuddle or kiss each other. Sometimes we have had make up sex but it is rare as we are often neither one of us in a sexy mood. But it has happenned.
06/16/2011