The New Intimacy

How do you NOT get bored?

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Contributor: Trixxxy Trixxxy
Personally, I can't stand having sex with the same person for more than a year. (sometimes shorter than that) After that, it starts to just get boring regardless of how attractive the person is or how much I love them. How do you people that have been in relationships/marriage s not get bored and cheat? I don't understand how that works. :/ I wish I could be like that. Teach me your secrets.

I have a boyfriend of three years and I really want to work on being loyal.
I've tried "spicing it up" but that doesn't seem to help. I think it might
be because the only ways I can get off is from the excitement of being with someone new or doing something I'm not supposed to do. Maybe that's my problem? I feel like it is because my and my boyfriend have been long distance for the past year (been dating for 3 years) and every time he comes to visit it's all like new again. I can't seem to figure it out but I wish I could because I constantly have friendships and other relationships ruined by this "sex addiction" if that's what you want to call it.
He even wants me to go see a psychologist but I haven't gotten around to it yet. -_-
Ugh.
Help.
01/01/2013
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Contributor: novanilla novanilla
Sometimes I get bored too. I think bdsm really helps me with that. It changes personalities and you can be a different person all the time. My current partner and I mesh really well bdsm-wise in ways that previous ones have not, and it keeps it really exciting for me and it's made it way easier for me to orgasm.
01/01/2013
Contributor: married with children married with children
been with my wife for almost 20 years. It has never been boring. I guess when you love someone, it keeps things interesting and exciting.
01/01/2013
Contributor: Beck Beck
I have never found anything boring about our sex life. Being with someone longer allows you to grow together. As long as you both work at it. Being together should be anything but boring. Though, being with someone can make you grow apart because you really don't care for that person as you thought you did, which would be where boredom comes in.
01/01/2013
Contributor: MrWill MrWill
I am by no means judging you, but if you see it as a problem and your loving other also would like for you to seek help, then seek help.

One other thing to think about, is how is sex with someone else going to be fundamentally different? It won't be. You might feel different, but the sex is fundamentally the same.


Try talking to a psychiatrist about it, or talk to each other. Maybe if you two are comfortable an emotionally exclusive, sexually open relationship could work for you... but this comes with a LOT of risks.


I'm not knocking the community, but asking a bunch of (me included) keyboard warriors is like going to the hardware store and asking jim-bob to build you an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower. You'll get pointers, lots of offers of help.. but you need to talk to an expert on the matter.


Maybe journal about it... try to figure out why you get bored. Find the cause, and then look for a solution.
01/01/2013
Contributor: Trixxxy Trixxxy
Quote:
Originally posted by Beck
I have never found anything boring about our sex life. Being with someone longer allows you to grow together. As long as you both work at it. Being together should be anything but boring. Though, being with someone can make you grow apart because you ... more
That's the thing though, I DO love him. So much. He's my best friend and we experience new things together every day. That'll never be boring to me for the rest of my life. It's just.... the sex thing. He's amazing in bed. Knows how to work with my body correctly in every single way. Knows all the buttons and tricks more than any other guy I've been with..... but I get bored of seeing the same dick all the time. And it being the same person all the time. I have to be in the mood to actually "make love." Half the time I want to be fucked. I don't think it's that I don't feel for him. I think it's because my actual sexual fetishes and the way I get off get in the way of me being in a monogamous relationship with another person.
01/01/2013
Contributor: Trixxxy Trixxxy
Quote:
Originally posted by MrWill
I am by no means judging you, but if you see it as a problem and your loving other also would like for you to seek help, then seek help.

One other thing to think about, is how is sex with someone else going to be fundamentally different? It ... more
It's different because it's a different person. It doesn't feel fundamentally the same to me because it's not actually his dick entering me and going in and out that I'm after. The excitement of seeing what he's going to look like naked, how good/bad he's going to be in bed, the little things he might do that other guys don't do (like the way he bites his lip when he goes inside me), etc and etc.

NOPE. Tried and tried and tried again to have an open relationship but he will not agree with it. Tried "don't ask don't tell." Doesn't work.
We talk about this alllll the time and he says, "Well if you fuck up, you fuck up and we will deal with it when it happens." He also offered to go the therapy with me but I don't think I'm willing to pay for that. >_>


Yep, that's true.(: I was more of just looking for other people to explain how they are psychologically because I don't understand that mindset. I'd like to try to understand it better even though I don't know if I'll be able to. Maybe I could change who I am? Maybe there's some secret? Then I could stop hurting people including the one I love more than anything.
01/01/2013
Contributor: Trixxxy Trixxxy
Quote:
Originally posted by novanilla
Sometimes I get bored too. I think bdsm really helps me with that. It changes personalities and you can be a different person all the time. My current partner and I mesh really well bdsm-wise in ways that previous ones have not, and it keeps it ... more
I wish that would work for me. :/ No matter how excited I am it doesn't seem to make an orgasm any easier. (Probably because I can only have an orgasm from oral, a clit vibrator, or a strong shower head) But I will tell you, if I am less than really excited because the person isn't someone I'm sexually compatible with (and I figured that out after the clothes came off so there's no turning back) then it'll be extremely difficult for me to. xD
01/01/2013
Contributor: Geogeo Geogeo
Quote:
Originally posted by Trixxxy
Personally, I can't stand having sex with the same person for more than a year. (sometimes shorter than that) After that, it starts to just get boring regardless of how attractive the person is or how much I love them. How do you people that have ... more
I feel the same way you do, but that's why I don't get into relationships
01/01/2013
Contributor: Chilipepper Chilipepper
I crave security and stability, so having the same person is something I actually want. It's just how my personality is.

So, the constant new-ness may just be how your personality is - you need the variety to feel healthy and functional. Nothing actually wrong with it, it's how you are.

Since you said the long distance thing has kept your relationship going for three years, that may be the best course of monogamy for you. Something to think about, na?
01/03/2013
Contributor: thesexiebunnie thesexiebunnie
It's hard to give advice when I don't feel exactly the same but... here goes nothing. With my boyfriend we are constantly doing different things. New toys, new places, new positon, dirty texts. I know you say you enjoy the "not knowing" aspect of having a new guy, I just don't wonder that because min is as close to perfect. Does it mean you have problems, no. Its something I would look into for help if you want the relationship to work out. Good luck honey.
01/03/2013
Contributor: UnknownGirl UnknownGirl
Find somebody that you can have an open relationship with. That's what I did.
01/03/2013
Contributor: TheDP TheDP
I've been with the wife for 14 years this week. We've had our down patches in the sex department. And boredom is definitely a factor. Sometimes you just find yourself wondering what sex with someone else might be like, what they might do differently, what something different might feel like, etc.

Bondage has helped. That's been the spice for the last year and it's showing depths of engagement that probably won't be plumbed for years to come. So many variations and concepts and unknowns. We love ropes and all the complexity that implies. It's been really nice to connect to her sexually in a whole new way.

I guess that's just a personal story, but the idea is to figure out how to connect the person you're with with the stuff in you head about sex. I don't know what will work for you, but I guaran-damn-tee that there are a million things sexually that you don't know about this guy and that he doesn't know about you.

Find them, lean on them, and then realize that once you've explored all of them you'll still have new things to figure out because the guy you're with today isn't the guy you were with two years ago. Never the same river twice and all that.

IT's just about getting below the surface and that's what long term relationships are all about. Is it easier to be surprised by a new cock? Sure. But if you explore and work at it you'll find yourself endlessly surprised by that same old cock too. Some things are worth working on.
01/04/2013