The New Intimacy

How Do You React When You Are Innocent Of Someone Else's Accusations?

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Contributor: js250 js250
Be it a partner, parent, loved one or friend, how do you defend yourself when falsely accused or they have negative assumptions about you?

--Eventually just go do it...after all, if you are getting the blame you might as well get some enjoyment out of it,

--Do you try to reason with the person, regardless of what it takes to prove your innocence.

--Do you state the facts, then realize it will not help and walk away.

--Other......
03/05/2014
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Contributor: js250 js250
In the past when I have been accused of things that I did not do, I moved the earth to prove them wrong. However with age and a new lack of tolerance...I no longer care what others believe and will state the facts, then if it becomes a hassle--will just leave. They can deal with their bull on their own time. (And depending on the accusation--it may just be a fun thing to do!! LOL!! )
03/05/2014
Contributor: SaucyxGirl SaucyxGirl
When it comes to negative assumptions I just let it go. I am one of those people who are not bothered by what others think of me.

Now, if I am falsely accused of something I will calmly state the facts and if they still won't listen then I walk away.

According to my partner I am a weird one. lol He always pointing out that most people care on some level what others think of them and that I am weird for not. ~Shrugs~ To me just seems like a whole lot of stress that I could do without. Guess you could say I have a fuck it attitude.
03/05/2014
Contributor: wrecklesswords wrecklesswords
This actually just happened to me back in January.

Basically, a random man showed up at my boyfriend's previous job and said he had a "meeting" with my boyfriend. The guy acted jumpy and weird. My boyfriend stated that he did not know who the guy was and asked if he would please refresh his memory if he had actually forgotten something. Then he ran out of the joint. My boyfriend, being a firefighter and part-time deputy followed the guy and ran his plates. He found this guy's facebook and contacted him asking why he had been there and that if he did not get a response by a set time, he would be filing a report for attempted robbery.

The guy finally responds and says that he had been talking to my boyfriend on Grindr for the last two weeks, but when my boyfriend had no idea what was going on, he got embarrassed and bolted.

My boyfriend's first reaction was to ask if I had set it all up to see if he would cheat on me. About a month before we'd had a discussion about his coming out as being bisexual and I guess he thought I was terrified he'd leave me for a man.

I was hurt that he asked, but I understood he had a valid fear. I waited a moment before I replied and simply stated that no, I had not done it.

But he didn't believe me. And then later I found on Whisper that he had posted that he thought it was me all along.

It's basically put a giant hole in our relationship and I don't know if it can be repaired at this point.

Either someone else made a fake Grindr account in his name with the intention of tearing us apart, or my boyfriend made the account himself, chickened out at the last minute and was trying to put the blame on anyone but himself.

Either way, while I was enraged, I tried to acted poised and polite that he accused me of doing it. Didn't work out too well because it meant that he didn't/doesn't have trust for me.


ETA:
I actually went through quite a bit of trouble and emailing to try to prove it wasn't me, but in the end Grindr would only work with the local authorities to try to figure it out and since I wasn't directly involved in the "fake profile" I didn't have the right to take it to the police.

He apologized for accusing me of it, but since then I've been at arm's length from him.
03/06/2014
Contributor: TexasBrat TexasBrat
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
Be it a partner, parent, loved one or friend, how do you defend yourself when falsely accused or they have negative assumptions about you?

--Eventually just go do it...after all, if you are getting the blame you might as well get some ... more
I guess it depends on the accusation & who's doing it. Usually I defend myself & ask where they got the idea to accuse me from.
07/23/2014
Contributor: toysforall toysforall
This can be hard, because you don't want to go "over the top" when trying to convince them. Then it seems like you're hiding something.
09/25/2014
Contributor: OH&W, Lovebears OH&W, Lovebears
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
Be it a partner, parent, loved one or friend, how do you defend yourself when falsely accused or they have negative assumptions about you?

--Eventually just go do it...after all, if you are getting the blame you might as well get some ... more
Gosh, what a great question. If/when you find the answer let us all know or write a book. If it's a job related, then of course need to explain your side. In a relationship, who knows ?

Might have to ask Dr Phil.
09/26/2014
Contributor: CS2012 CS2012
I state the facts but usually it doesn't help. My mother always assumes the worst about me.
10/22/2014
Contributor: TexasBrat TexasBrat
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
Be it a partner, parent, loved one or friend, how do you defend yourself when falsely accused or they have negative assumptions about you?

--Eventually just go do it...after all, if you are getting the blame you might as well get some ... more
I guess it would depend on the allegation. If it's one about cheating, which I don't do, then, I usually respond with sarcasm. My ex husband constantly accused me of cheating. After a while, especially when I knew that the marriage was ending, I just responded with "whatever".

He had accused me several times, of sleeping with his Best Friend, before he (my ex) and I got together since we'd dated a few times. Well, we DID go out on a few dates, most of which, my ex had brought his friend too! No, we never slept together then.

When we were divorced, my ex's best friend and I ended up sleeping together. We haven't told my ex, nor will we, but we were both of the mind of "if we got accused of the crime so much, we may as well do it!". We were sleeping together for about 5 months. No relationship, just a FWB thing.
07/06/2015