i was about to make a discussion about this, but the other side. how to deal with your OWN jealousy...


sigh.





i guess i'll tell you what i would LIKE him to do to deal with my jealousy (since it IS warranted, i was never jealous until he gave me a reason to be by lying by ommitance regarding his interactions with his slimy manipulative ex).

i would like him to respond to my jealous feelings with patience and reassurance, sincerity and honesty.

let me know i have nothing to worry about and that he wants to earn my trust back and will continue to try to do so. hold me while he's doing it because if i'm feeling jealous, i'm feeling far from him, and i'm feeling like shit.


if it's vindictive, angry jealousy, me personally i would tell the other person to shove it, if it was unwarranted. i know i don't deserve people to treat me badly verbally (been there done that, childhood abuse taught me something) and i won't stand for it.


if it's warranted jealousy (you've done something to make them believe you'd cheat) follow the above steps.



if it's just slight harmless jealousy, i tend to find it a bit attractive. it brings us closer together. i want my partner to feel a LITTLE jealous of my male friends, or guys who hit on me. it lets me know he still wants me. and that macho protective side turns me on.

but a little goes a long way.


a lot goes... out the door.

I've tried really hard not to be jealous in my relationship (it's been about a year and I'd say I'm doing pretty good). Typically anytime my girlfriend is acting jealous, or I guess it's more likely that she's stressing about me not texting her or something, I just tell her to relax. I think it's kind of like what Alice said, I haven't given her a reason to be jealous so she needs to just be cool.

I don't like jealousy at all, it takes me back to a shitty place of lies and uneasy feelings so I try to keep it out of the relationship at all costs by communicating things upfront instead of waiting for them to be drawn out.

I haven't ever given anyone cause to be jealous, so when partners show anything more than passing insubstantial jealousy, I know it's a symptom of something in them rather than something in me. I spent one very long relationship trying to change myself to suit a partner's irrational jealousy, and it took me a *lot* of hard work to build my self confidence back up after I finally left the relationship.

Now, if someone shows signs of that, I know that I need to short-circuit the relationship and hope that the person works on their confidence on their own.

If it's warranted jealousy like Alice described, I think her suggestions are good.

If it's unwarranted jealousy, and you're an accommodating type of person (like I am), you might need to leave pretty quickly for your own sake.