Lesbian Engagements and Proposing

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My fiance and I are coming up on three years. We have been through so much together. When we first started dating, I went to a cousins wedding with my dad and called her after too many trips to the free bar to notify her that we were going to get married. We had only been dating for three weeks at this point. Then it was kind of a joke.

After about 6 months, she proposed. I said yes and for a while things were great. Let me mention that I was 23 at the time and she was just turning 20. She was not ready for that kind of commitment yet, and we had not really had the chance to talk it over. It was a total surprise that she proposed. She was not prepared for a commitment like this and I could tell after a while. So we broke things off.

I was mortified. I thought that I had lost the love of my life!

We took a few weeks off and she realized that we belong together. We promised to take it slowly this time. She waited another year or so and we talked it through, thoroughly. We basically set a mini-plan for our lives to see if we had common futures. We did! She fits in well with my family. My dad loves her and always wants her to talk to him. I fell in love with her family because they are so different from my family. Her mom quickly became my best friend. I noticed how much her mom meant to her. Her mom included me in everything. They hang a stocking at their house for me, they invite me on family only trips and outings.

Then she bought the ring and proposed to me on Sept 15, 2011. Three days later, her mom passed away, we never got to tell her since she was out of town.

There will always be tough times and there will always be sticks in your path. As long as you promise to walk, the path together and make it a fun adventure, you will be fine. We are just now starting to plan our ceremony.

You have to do what feels right in your heart, and I guess that sometimes it takes a few tries. Make sure you talk about it with her and know that she feels the same way and is also ready.

Best of luck on your impending engagement.

I agree that the right time to propose is something only you can figure out. I know plenty of happy couples who got married early in their relationships, and I know plenty of happy couples who waited a long time to make that commitment. For instance, my husband and I got married 10 years after we started dating.

Maybe you might want to talk with her a bit about where you see your futures going (together and separately), and general feelings about marriage to see if you're looking for the same things long term.

I also think that you need to decide when the right time is for you (and your girlfriend). I think it varies for everyone, and there's no guaranteed formula to it.

I've been dating my girlfriend for five and a half years now, but we've only been living together for the last year and a half. I'm thinking more and more about proposing, and now I'm just waiting for the right time. I set some parameters for when I would start considering it, like having discussions about what we want for our future (in regards to our relationship, but also our personal goals and school/career plans). We've talked quite a few times about this over the years, and I know that we should continue to be compatible (I would hate to get engaged or married and THEN find out that one of us wants to have kids more than anything, while the other doesn't want them at all). I also decided that I wanted to live together for a year or two before getting engaged, to make sure that we actually enjoy living in the same space. Then, most importantly, I want to wait for the perfect time so that it will be the most special moment in our relationship so far. That's the one I'm waiting on.

I think the most important thing is to tune into what feels right for your relationship, rather than worry about things like when you "should" or "shouldn't" propose. I know it was easier for me to figure out how I felt about proposing once I was able to ignore all external forces, and focused on how I felt about our relationship and how it was progressing.

Luck!

well the only one that can make that decision is you! I would highly suggest you have a no-pressure type conversation about engagement (if you haven't already) to get her opinion on the topic.

Everyone above has fantastic advice. Take time, live together, love each other, talk about the future, and see if you are really on the same page. You'd be surprised about how many things you might differ on when you start asking each other the big questions. Take your time, follow your heart, and be happy!