The New Intimacy

Managing Varying Sex Drives in Long Term Relationships

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Contributor: Ciao. Ciao.
I've been together with my partner for almost a decade now and over the course of that we've both had periods of time where there was a pretty big gap in our interest/desire for sex. I'm sure that libido differences are not at all uncommon in any relationship, but what has been most interesting to me is how that has shifted back and forth between the two of us and how each of us handles those time periods where one or the other is on the high end while the other is on the low. And there have definitely been some real points of tension between us (though none now) on how to best address that.

So just out of curiosity, for those who have been in or are in a longer term relationship (however you want to define that), how have you dealt with differences in libido and how have they changed over time?
04/04/2012
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Contributor: Nazaress Nazaress
I'm still trying to figure out that one so if anyone has any idea, please tell me. -_-"

My boyfriend of over a a year and half, as of late, has not wanted to have sex really at all. It used to be infrequent and not it's rare. I'd have it every day or at least every other day if I could. I haven't really "dealt" with it. I've just kind of resigned to the fact that I'm not going to get it when I want it anymore. I don't even masturbate because it's just not the same and I don't care to even bother.
04/04/2012
Contributor: js250 js250
My husband and I readjusted our whole sexual life and have become more open, planning for fun times and saving new lingerie/toys/movies, etc. This upped our anticipation level to a new high and things progressed from there. There is still nights where one of us is wanting and the other not...but that is where we masturbate and let the other watch. The other person either gets into it or has an amazing show. We also made little challenges, and put a bit of extra effort into being sexually compatible. Honestly, the more sex you have, the more you need. I vowed to no matter what, have sex every day for one month, then two then it became a need to have sex in one way or another with him at least 3-4 days per week. And we both enjoy it. But we still plan for that anticipated weekend, day, etc. that we will use our new items and tease the hell out of each other.
04/05/2012
Contributor: ValerieRayne ValerieRayne
Quote:
Originally posted by Nazaress
I'm still trying to figure out that one so if anyone has any idea, please tell me. -_-"

My boyfriend of over a a year and half, as of late, has not wanted to have sex really at all. It used to be infrequent and not it's rare. ... more
I'm having the same issue...
04/05/2012
Contributor: Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
My husband and I readjusted our whole sexual life and have become more open, planning for fun times and saving new lingerie/toys/movies, etc. This upped our anticipation level to a new high and things progressed from there. There is still nights ... more
Excellent advice. I've always had the 'more traditional' problem of a wife with lower sex drive. I realize now that is a stereotype - but my wife and others leverage that perception to fend off their more highly sexual partners. For a man not to want sex has a greater stigma attached to it - but it clearly happens a lot.

As my wife got older and started to hear her girl friends talk about their sexless marriages - mine finally figured out how good she has it. Since then things have improved 1000%. It really does take 2 to tango!

From the male perspective - aside from clinical depression and hormonal issues (low-testosterone), I think a lack of desire is associated with performance anxiety. As a young man this wasn't a problem for me, but starting in my early 50s it got to be more and more of a problem.

Sex toys are great because I can give my wife an unlimited number of orgasms - and 'jump in' as I'm able. Cialis is a the greatest invention since the BC pill!
04/05/2012