My wife doesn't want me - Need advice from the women

Maybe you should try talking to a couple's counselor about it. having a neutral person there might make it easier to talk through whatever issue is going on.

I also think that people's sex drives can change throughout people's lives. It's not neccesarily something is "wrong" with the relationship, but it is something that will need to be worked through

Hmmm...well, it could be a lot of things. It really could be the weight and body image issues. Even though you are her husband, a woman wants to feel sexy and desirable. If she doesn't feel that way even if you try to convince her otherwise, it can be hard to just let go and enjoy sex.

It could be a hormonal shift which happens throughout a person's life. It could be stress. What's her life like? Busy job? Are there kids to take care of? A stressful situation that she's going through? Does she do most of the cleaning, cooking, errand running? How is your relationship otherwise? This could all play a factor in sex drive.

Maybe she's depressed. Is she on any medication? Lots of different kinds of meds can screw with your sex drive.

I wouldn't jump to conclusions about an affair, but I would open up the doors of communication as much as possible. Without being accusatory or making her feel like she's being attacked, tell her how you feel about this. Tell her that you desire her, that you miss your sex life and intimacy with her, and you miss her sense of sexual adventurousness. Tell her that when she'd rather read a book or watch TV than be intimate with her husband, that it doesn't make you feel very good. Tell her that you are her husband, and you want her more than once in a while. It's an issue, and if you have an issue about an aspect of your marriage, it's her issue as well; that's how marriage works. She needs to address it with you. A marriage counselor could be a really good idea, because the longer this goes on, they more resentment you'll build up over it, and the more you'll start to imagine what is wrong. If it really is as simple as her weight, well...she needs to do something about that. Not just because she feels undesirable for you, but because she clearly feels bad about herself. It makes no sense to say, "well, my weight and my perceptions of how I see myself because of my weight are affecting my marriage...that's all it is, honey." Okay...if that is the case, then something needs to be done to remedy it...you gaining weight so she'll feel better is not the answer (and trust me, it won't help anyway).


In any case...good luck. You guys are not old and winding down in your sex lives because of age. You need to have a serious conversation with her, and tell her how you feel. Sometimes a person doesn't realize how bad a situation is until they are told in plain language.

It is very possible that she's just not feeling attractive. It happens. If that's the issue, then there are a hundred ways you can remind her of her sexiness. Sometimes, when I'm feeling unsexy, I really just need my husband to pay attention to me or lend a sympathetic ear to my hectic day.

As far as her sex drive not matching yours right now, have you had a frank (and compassionate) talk with her about this? It might be time for that. If you go this route, at all costs avoid phrases like "I always" and "you never." Keep it kind and compassionate or she will feel defensive and shut down.

Of course, the issue may be deeper and it may be time to seek a marriage counselor.

Talk to her! My husband and I experienced that recently and it ultimately came down to I started a new job (finally was able to get back to full time) and it completely wore me out. It drained me physically and emotionally. I didn't even realize how it was affecting me or my husband until he pointed it out and I am glad he did because I felt awful. While we are still working it out we are getting back into the swing of things.

A counselor might not be a bad idea either

You got to start talking to each other. What she is doing is not fair to you. It very well could be A. I have alot of issues from my past and it can affect my relationship. I have learned to open up to my husband. He has learned to help me through it. Communcation is key though. It could be hormones as well. Seeing a docotor can help. But if it is a weight thing working out together is something that can bring you together. as for C. Unless you have proof don't go there. It can damage a relatioship more thinking that. Good luck

Thank you everyone for such thoughtful responses. After reading all of them, I gave everyone's input some thought and I think I found some possible reasons for her disinterest.

1. I lost my job last November and found another one in June but the money I make now is much, much less than what I was making, which results in stress for both of us.

2. My wife loves her job but the work is stressful and she puts in a lot of hours. A lot more than she was used to working.

3. My wife and her friend are looking to buy a business in the field that they work in. It's been a series of ups and downs, hasn't worked out like they expected and they are both very frustrated and stressed about it.

4. The weight thing. I'm not sure if this is a guy thing or not but if a woman told me that she loved me for who I was, not how much I weighed and that she found me extremely attractive and sexy despite my weight, I'd be totally fine with that but it appears that women look at it a different way. She's tried and tried to exercise but hates it. I've been weight training for 32 years, know a lot about nutrition and have put together various programs for her (at her request) but she gives up quickly and I don't push her because you have to want to do it.

5. It's depression. We both have issues with that. I'm on medication for it, she is not.

6. It might be early menopause. I have no knowledge in this area but will check it out.

Now I've got to find a way to run all of this past her and hope that she doesn't take offense, get upset and shut down on me.

Funny thing too is that after I posted this last night, she came home from work and said that she'd love to have sex but was just too exhausted to do it.

Keep at it. Remember say the truth in love. I don't know, you didn't say, who does the work around the house? If it isn't a joint effort make it one to help her be less tired. "Honey, I'll make dinner and clean up...you go take a nice warm bath and relax so we can play tonight" can go a long way. Mr Scotch will do that and I'm at home and he works. But with 4 kiddos at home that I run around all day and clean up after...he has to pitch in or I'm just too tired to tango. And trust me, it isn't a lack of want, it's a lack of can.

Best to both of you!

Don't under estimate the difference weight can make for a woman, especially sexy.

Maybe work out with her (increased libido with increased self esteem, plus it's fun to do together) and do more fun active things together. Help her feel better about her with actions, not words.

And of course, always talk about it. Always ask about it. In the most kind, undefensive kind of way.

best of luck!

there are so many reasons why she's lost interest or it could be very simple. talk. talk with her w/o accusing or judging. after seeing her side of things, work for a compromise.