What do you think is important to keep a relationship going?

What do you think is important to keep a relationship going?

PolyLove PolyLove
I've noticed that a lot of people have different opinions on what keeps a relationship strong. What do you think helps keep your relationship last?

Please explain your answer in the comments.
Answers (public voting - your screen name will appear in the results):
Honesty
PolyLove , P'Gell , Nora29714 , Lady of the Lab , Ansley , Clara , Noelle , MistressDandelion , Peggi , Llahsram , Feisty , Chilipepper , MK434 , indiglo , ToyTimeTim , Beck , Poophammer , Rossie , BlooJay , Geogeo , Kitka , Bullfroggy and Rose , *Camoprincess* , solitudinarian , FHeemz , Airen Wolf , deltalima , booboo111926 , HarlequinBunnie , DreamWolf , married with children , Rawr4483 , epiphanyjayne , gsfanatic , ghalik , KRD , playsalot , LavenderSkies , Deeder , thisisadeletedaccount , digit88 , Femme Mystique , MissBre , xOhxSoxScandalousx , PeachCandy , ghent529 , sexxxkitten , MnK , rekarf , JKS , amandaco2011 , Mistress Sassy , Squeaky , Trysexual , Undecided , Lioncub
56
Communication
PolyLove , P'Gell , Nora29714 , Lady of the Lab , Ansley , Noelle , MistressDandelion , Peggi , Llahsram , Feisty , Chilipepper , indiglo , ToyTimeTim , Beck , Poophammer , Rossie , BlooJay , Stinkytofu10 , Geogeo , Bignuf , Kitka , Taylor , Bullfroggy and Rose , *Camoprincess* , solitudinarian , FHeemz , Airen Wolf , deltalima , booboo111926 , HarlequinBunnie , DreamWolf , Bodhi , married with children , Rawr4483 , epiphanyjayne , CadmiumKitty , gsfanatic , ghalik , KRD , playsalot , LavenderSkies , Deeder , thisisadeletedaccount , Zandrock , digit88 , Femme Mystique , MissBre , xOhxSoxScandalousx , PeachCandy , ghent529 , sexxxkitten , MnK , Missmarc , rekarf , robertk2380 , amandaco2011 , Mistress Sassy , beautifulbombshellVI , auplette , Squeaky , Trysexual , nova2014 , Undecided , penny12 , Lioncub
65
Frequent Sex
PolyLove , P'Gell , Nora29714 , Ansley , Noelle , MistressDandelion , Chilipepper , travelnurse , MK434 , indiglo , Beck , Rossie , Stinkytofu10 , Geogeo , Taylor , Bullfroggy and Rose , *Camoprincess* , solitudinarian , DreamWolf , Bodhi , married with children , Rawr4483 , Troubleinmyarms , epiphanyjayne , CadmiumKitty , gsfanatic , KRD , playsalot , LavenderSkies , Femme Mystique , PeachCandy , sexxxkitten , MnK , amandaco2011 , Mistress Sassy , Trysexual , Undecided
37
Passion
PolyLove , P'Gell , Nora29714 , Ansley , Noelle , MistressDandelion , Chilipepper , indiglo , Beck , Poophammer , Rossie , Stinkytofu10 , Hallmar82 , Geogeo , Bignuf , Taylor , Bullfroggy and Rose , *Camoprincess* , solitudinarian , FHeemz , Airen Wolf , deltalima , booboo111926 , DreamWolf , Bodhi , married with children , Rawr4483 , epiphanyjayne , gsfanatic , ghalik , LavenderSkies , digit88 , Femme Mystique , PeachCandy , ghent529 , sexxxkitten , rekarf , amandaco2011 , Mistress Sassy , Squeaky , Trysexual , Undecided , penny12
43
Fighting
P'Gell , Nora29714 , Ansley , Noelle , Beck , Airen Wolf , booboo111926 , epiphanyjayne , gsfanatic , ghent529 , Mistress Sassy
11
Compromise
PolyLove , P'Gell , Nora29714 , Lady of the Lab , Ansley , Noelle , MistressDandelion , Peggi , Llahsram , Feisty , Chilipepper , indiglo , ToyTimeTim , Beck , Poophammer , Rossie , BlooJay , Geogeo , Kitka , Taylor , Bullfroggy and Rose , *Camoprincess* , solitudinarian , FHeemz , Airen Wolf , deltalima , booboo111926 , DreamWolf , married with children , Rawr4483 , epiphanyjayne , gsfanatic , ghalik , KRD , LavenderSkies , Deeder , digit88 , Femme Mystique , MissBre , PeachCandy , ghent529 , sexxxkitten , MnK , rekarf , JKS , amandaco2011 , Mistress Sassy , beautifulbombshellVI , SexyStuff , Squeaky , Trysexual , Undecided
52
Gifts
Airen Wolf , gsfanatic , Femme Mystique
3
Lots of Date Nights
Ansley , Chilipepper , Poophammer , *Camoprincess* , Airen Wolf , deltalima , gsfanatic , Femme Mystique , ghent529 , rekarf , Mistress Sassy , beautifulbombshellVI , Squeaky
13
Lots of "Me Time"
Lady of the Lab , Chilipepper , Geogeo , solitudinarian , FHeemz , Airen Wolf , gsfanatic , ghent529 , beautifulbombshellVI , Squeaky
10
Respect
PolyLove , P'Gell , Nora29714 , Lady of the Lab , Ansley , Noelle , MistressDandelion , Peggi , Feisty , Chilipepper , indiglo , ToyTimeTim , Beck , Poophammer , Rossie , BlooJay , Stinkytofu10 , Geogeo , Bignuf , Kitka , Taylor , Bullfroggy and Rose , *Camoprincess* , solitudinarian , FHeemz , Airen Wolf , deltalima , booboo111926 , HarlequinBunnie , DreamWolf , Bodhi , married with children , Rawr4483 , Troubleinmyarms , epiphanyjayne , CadmiumKitty , gsfanatic , ghalik , KRD , playsalot , LavenderSkies , Deeder , thisisadeletedaccount , digit88 , Femme Mystique , MissBre , xOhxSoxScandalousx , PeachCandy , ghent529 , sexxxkitten , MnK , rekarf , JKS , amandaco2011 , Mistress Sassy , beautifulbombshellVI , Squeaky , Trysexual , Undecided , penny12
60
Team Work
PolyLove , Nora29714 , Lady of the Lab , Ansley , Noelle , MistressDandelion , Peggi , Llahsram , Chilipepper , Modern^Spank^Anthem , indiglo , ToyTimeTim , Beck , Poophammer , Rossie , BlooJay , Stinkytofu10 , Bignuf , Kitka , Taylor , Bullfroggy and Rose , *Camoprincess* , FHeemz , Airen Wolf , deltalima , booboo111926 , HarlequinBunnie , DreamWolf , married with children , Rawr4483 , epiphanyjayne , gsfanatic , playsalot , LavenderSkies , Deeder , Femme Mystique , xOhxSoxScandalousx , PeachCandy , ghent529 , sexxxkitten , MnK , rekarf , amandaco2011 , Mistress Sassy , beautifulbombshellVI , Squeaky , Trysexual , Undecided
48
Shared Views (Political, religious, parenting, etc. etc.)
PolyLove , Lady of the Lab , Chilipepper , Rossie , BlooJay , Geogeo , Kitka , *Camoprincess* , solitudinarian , Airen Wolf , married with children , epiphanyjayne , gsfanatic , Deeder , thisisadeletedaccount , Femme Mystique , xOhxSoxScandalousx , sexxxkitten , Undecided
19
Good Samich Makin' Skills
PolyLove , Lady of the Lab , Peggi , Poophammer , BlooJay , FHeemz , Airen Wolf , HarlequinBunnie , Rawr4483 , epiphanyjayne , gsfanatic , PeachCandy , Mistress Sassy , beautifulbombshellVI , Undecided
15
Money
Money Management
PolyLove , Nora29714 , Lady of the Lab , Ansley , MistressDandelion , Peggi , Llahsram , Chilipepper , indiglo , Poophammer , Rossie , BlooJay , Stinkytofu10 , Hallmar82 , Geogeo , Bignuf , Kitka , Taylor , Bullfroggy and Rose , *Camoprincess* , solitudinarian , FHeemz , Airen Wolf , deltalima , DreamWolf , married with children , Rawr4483 , Troubleinmyarms , epiphanyjayne , gsfanatic , ghalik , KRD , LavenderSkies , Deeder , thisisadeletedaccount , Femme Mystique , PeachCandy , ghent529 , sexxxkitten , rekarf , Mistress Sassy , Squeaky , Trysexual , Undecided
44
Time Management
PolyLove , Nora29714 , Lady of the Lab , Ansley , MistressDandelion , Chilipepper , indiglo , Beck , Poophammer , Rossie , Stinkytofu10 , Hallmar82 , Bignuf , Kitka , *Camoprincess* , FHeemz , Airen Wolf , deltalima , booboo111926 , DreamWolf , married with children , Rawr4483 , epiphanyjayne , gsfanatic , KRD , LavenderSkies , thisisadeletedaccount , PeachCandy , ghent529 , sexxxkitten , rekarf , Mistress Sassy , Squeaky , Trysexual , Undecided
35
All About Me (Everything revolve around yourself)
All About You (Everythign revolving arond your SO)
Punishment (Ex: Withholding sex bc partner didn't do something your way)
Open Relationship
Lady of the Lab , Llahsram
2
Total votes: 513 (73 voters)
Poll is closed
07/03/2012
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PolyLove PolyLove
I believe to make a relationship work you have to be honest, communicate your feelings and thoughts, respect your SO, have passion for your SO, be willing to compromise, be willing to work together, be able to manage your time and money well, make a damn good samich (KIDDING!), and I think it helps if you share religious, political, parenting, etc views, and of course have sex frequently (not just PIV, oral, or Anal, I mean making out, foreplay, heavy petting, etc).

I do not think that fighting helps to keep a relationship strong or fresh, I think being able to work through what caused the fight helps to keep it strong. Gifts, date nights, and money are merely plus' and don't mean much as value to a relationship. Completely focusing on yourself or your partner the whole relationship isn't much of a relationship in my eyes. And lots of "me time" is kind of being selfish. I spend a lot of time at home when hubby is at work and prefer his company much more then my me time. I like some me time, but not lots of it. As for withholding sex, or "punishing" your partner (not in a D/s way) I'm against because you are married/in a long term relationship, not raising a child. And open relationships just don't work for me and my hubby.
07/03/2012
P'Gell P'Gell
I agreed with what you said, and added "fighting." I've noticed that couples that I know who claim they don't fight have very lopsided relationships, or one or both people who stew quietly and then respond with passive aggressive actions and words, instead of discussing the issues. Yes, passionate people tend to be passionate, even when they are angry about something.

I think fighting is important. I don't know if there are real rules about "fighting fair" unless you include not bringing in people's relatives, insults, black mail etc.

Clearing the air in important. I have a friend who claims she and her husband "never" fight. She also never stands up for her own opinions, she just goes along with everything he says. They do NOT have a M/s or D/s relationship, she just caves all the time. We also know a couple where the man does this caving. The woman he is married to has a Borderline Personality (not the "waif" type, the type where she physically attacks people, makes false police reports, is a pathological liar, and is basically impossible to be around) and he never brings up anything. They have separate bedrooms AND separate living rooms. WHY he stays is a mystery to me. (Oh, that's right. She did claim she would murder their children if he didn't do what she said or if he left, but all but one child has fled the home by now.)

Getting things out in the open is important, I think.
07/03/2012
Lady of the Lab Lady of the Lab
I included open relationship because my fiancé and I are polyamorous. This has helped keep our relationship going because we recognize that we are capable of being attracted and loving others.

I didn't choose the fighting option because it wasn't arguing. Arguing is not the same as fighting because "fighting" in my mind is not a conversation; rather it is raised voices in frustration/anger without listening. I agree with P'Gell that having arguments can be very good for getting things out in the open & finding out if you are compatible with someone. Only in the last two years did I learn that it is okay to express my opinions in a relationship.
07/03/2012
Nora29714 Nora29714
If you don't fight even a little bit to me that’s an unhealthy relationship. Because everyone has some sort of disagreement you can simply agree on everything all of the time. And usually following a "fight" is compromise. Honesty and communication go hand in hand. Along with passion, fighting and Compromise.
07/03/2012
Chilipepper Chilipepper
I'd also like to add "live close enough or be in the same house". It's what killed my last one ... LDR's can't survive on one visit every two years. :-/
07/03/2012
travelnurse travelnurse
I have to say all of these things are important, as a relationship evolves the priorities get changed around, communication is definitely important and compromise. As time goes by like the 16 years that my spouse and I have been together we pretty much know each other and what we do and don't do in certain situations. Currently playing with toys and getting our sex life back is important. Thanks EF!!! We tend to get excited and fight over small things and we bond together over the big challenges. I can say that there are also times when I don't even like my spouse, but I do Love him
07/03/2012
Modern^Spank^Anthem Modern^Spank^Anthem
team work, honesty, love
07/03/2012
MK434 MK434
Honesty and great sex are very important.
07/03/2012
indiglo indiglo
I voted: Honesty, communication, sex, passion, compromise, respect, team work, money management & time management.

Another thing that's important for us is to talk about stuff right away when it's bothering us, rather than just stewing on it and letting resentment grow. I didn't vote fighting, because we are able to dialogue more than argue when we have differences. We used to argue more than we do now, but we learned some great communication techniques called mirroring, or reflective listening, that really help us get through disagreements without them turning into fights or arguments.

It takes guts and a lot of trust to tell your partner what you need. It's scary because you're making yourself vulnerable - but for us, it's been truly essential.

Being selfless and putting the other person's needs first can go a LONG way too - and if both partners can do that, then both will keep the other happy!

There's lots more important stuff too, of course!
07/03/2012
vanilla&chocolate vanilla&chocolate
All of the above!
07/03/2012
Poophammer Poophammer
What I love about my wifey is that she accepts me and doesn't try to change me, when we have problems we talk it out and compromise, we do a lot of things together and respect each other. We don't really fight a lot, but we are able to fight without getting too wound up or blowing it out of proportion. I have never been in a relationship where I felt like I was the center of her universe before, so the way that she goes out of her way to take care of me, as I do for her, really makes it special.

Sex has never been incredibly important, but I have never gotten as much sex as I do with this woman lol.

She also is not easily jealous so I can do a lot of things that some guys are yelled at for, like 3 day gaming marathons and just the fact that I'm sitting in the same room with her, her theory is "we still spent time together". She also doesn't mind me talking to other girls because she trusts me, and has no issue with me looking at porn, pictures of nude girls or even saving those pictures, because her exact words were "what, I'm supposed to be worried you'll stick your penis against the monitor, fuck it, and say hey this picture gives me more than you do, and then leave me for it? nah I don't think so, so we're good". She cracks me up with that.

All of my friends say she's the best I've ever had and they wish they could find a girl who is as cool as she is
07/03/2012
BlooJay BlooJay
Haha...good samich makin' skills...
07/03/2012
Stinkytofu10 Stinkytofu10
Quote:
Originally posted by PolyLove
I've noticed that a lot of people have different opinions on what keeps a relationship strong. What do you think helps keep your relationship last?

Please explain your answer in the comments.
I think being able to communicate is the most important.
07/03/2012
Hallmar82 Hallmar82
Everyone loves passion in a relationship but more divorces are due to money than cheating (only by 5% I think).
07/03/2012
Geogeo Geogeo
Lots of me time mostly
07/03/2012
Kitka Kitka
The most important part is Communication, without it you might as well not even try having a relationship. The other stuff is quite secondary to being able to talk things over and working out any issues that may occur.
07/03/2012
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by PolyLove
I've noticed that a lot of people have different opinions on what keeps a relationship strong. What do you think helps keep your relationship last?

Please explain your answer in the comments.
Most of those things except the more negative (all about me or with holding) have their place. For us an open relationship is part of our longevity but it's not necessary for everyone. Relationships take work and each one requires different things at different times.
07/03/2012
deltalima deltalima
Quote:
Originally posted by PolyLove
I've noticed that a lot of people have different opinions on what keeps a relationship strong. What do you think helps keep your relationship last?

Please explain your answer in the comments.
I've started dating a new guy and he's not as sex crazed as I am but we still have a great relationship. And I don't think it'd work any other way, like if we had sex all the time, because he's not that type of person. I just think hard work and passion make a relationship last.
07/03/2012
HarlequinBunnie HarlequinBunnie
Quote:
Originally posted by PolyLove
I've noticed that a lot of people have different opinions on what keeps a relationship strong. What do you think helps keep your relationship last?

Please explain your answer in the comments.
Talking, being honest, compromise, and I cook for him all the time. He also treats me like a queen.
07/03/2012
Bodhi Bodhi
Respect, Communication, and Really hot sex.
07/04/2012
Troubleinmyarms Troubleinmyarms
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
I agreed with what you said, and added "fighting." I've noticed that couples that I know who claim they don't fight have very lopsided relationships, or one or both people who stew quietly and then respond with passive aggressive ...
How many couples do you know that break up and then everyone says, Oh wow. They were the perfect couple. I never saw them argue. Maybe if they did argue more the would still be together.
07/10/2012
CadmiumKitty CadmiumKitty
Communication, Respect, and Sex
07/13/2012
gsfanatic gsfanatic
Pretty much everything on the list. Honesty and communication, with a little bit of sensuality is always great. Managing money, time, and how you compromise helps it last
07/14/2012
KRD KRD
Honesty, communication, respect, love, sex...list goes on. Relationships take work, but it's usually worth it at the end of the day
07/14/2012
playsalot playsalot
respect, honesty and good sex are all important to my relationship
07/14/2012
LavenderSkies LavenderSkies
Quote:
Originally posted by PolyLove
I believe to make a relationship work you have to be honest, communicate your feelings and thoughts, respect your SO, have passion for your SO, be willing to compromise, be willing to work together, be able to manage your time and money well, make a ...
Very well said.
07/14/2012
thisisadeletedaccount thisisadeletedaccount
Good communication is an absolute must - many of the other options on this list don't work unless you're able to communicate clearly and honestly.
07/16/2012
Zandrock Zandrock
Good communication, but above all else commitment. It becomes hard to communicate sometimes, hard to share, hard to put aside your selfishness, but if you can then you have a great relationship. To be able to be committed to the relationship even when upset is the most important thing in my mind.
07/17/2012
digit88 digit88
Quote:
Originally posted by PolyLove
I've noticed that a lot of people have different opinions on what keeps a relationship strong. What do you think helps keep your relationship last?

Please explain your answer in the comments.
several things
07/17/2012
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Total posts: 40
Unique posters: 39