Disrespect is a concept best derived by the individual.

In my relationship, disrepect is texting my girlfriends without me knowing. Or blatantly withholding information from me that would allow me to make a choice for myself. Or creating email accounts and social network profiles without giving me access to them, not necessarily passwords, just not using them out in the open around me. Or blowing me off for friends if we have plans. Or not calling if he's going to be more than 30 minutes late. less

Hmmm this is a tough question. It's a hard one to answer in full... I'll just ramble lol.

Lying is at the top of my list which also goes hand in hand with respect. I take this super seriously. If you cheat on me (knock on wood, I've never had this happen), at least have the decency to be a man and tell me. Lying is above cheating. You can fix a relationship in which infidelity has occurred (although very hard). You can't repair a relationship based entirely on lies.

Promises. This is also HUGE. Again, goes hand in hand with lying. I say what I mean and mean what I say. Everything comes from the hip. There's no bullshit. I don't make any promises I don't intend to keep. Sure, things get in the way...but don't dupe me into loving or trusting you by making false promises. I'll hold you to them.

Hypocrisy. I can't stand hypocrites. If my partner demands I do something or don't do something they better hold themselves to the same standard. It is super disrespectful when you break you own damn rules especially when I'm abiding by them, respecting you, and fulfilling your wishes.

Blatant hurt as well. I don't give a flying fuck if I hurt you first, don't hurt me to get back at me and don't hurt me to show me how it feels. It's childish. It doesn't matter how someone treats you, it doesn't ever give you the right to treat them the same way.

Not standing up for me or hiding me. If you can't stand up for me or have to hide me from people, you don't deserve me.

Talking is important as well. Don't swear at me, talk down to me, or call me names. I don't tolerate words like bitch, cunt, fuck you etc. I also don't tolerate yelling. I was yelled at enough as a kid. I'm an adult. Talk to me like one.

Not taking care of yourself. I would find it disrespectful if my partner did drugs, drove drunk, or something of the like. Don't hurt the things I love.

That brings me to safety. Don't do the same to me. Drive sober, safely, etc. Don't put me in dangerous or uncomfortable situations without my prior knowledge and consent.

Appreciation. Taking me for granted is disrespectful from the making a sandwich thing (Carrie Ann), to lending money, or even me opening up to you.

In the end...it's all about intent.

I hope that helps you! HAHA less

I know...

I guess I was wondering if other people would put things down similar to my nitty picky idea of what I think disrespectful speech is like.

I mean, my guy doesn't call me names (bitch, idiot, or cow) or say I am ugly but he is very rude to me and he doesn't even realize it. When I point it out to him he thinks it's funny and says he was joking, or he thinks that I am overreacting. Sometimes he swears at me (ie. why the fuck would you do that, you know that I'm going to be there at ....) but he has been improving.

Sometimes I wish I had a camera with me to show him what it looks like and sounds like when he talks to me. It's asthough he can't step out from his shoes and put himself in mine.

It's like he talks down to me and he doesn't even realize that he's doing it bcs in his mind he isn't doing it, he's just talking. I talked to him about it often to check with him what he means when he says so and so. I tell him when he says something that sounds like he is putting me down, and everytime he says he isnt and he gets upset when I bring things like that up. He doesn't understand me thats why he gets annoyed. less

I know...

I guess I was wondering if other people would put things down similar to my nitty picky idea of what I think disrespectful speech is like.

I mean, my guy doesn't call me names (bitch, idiot, or cow) or say I am ugly but he is very rude to me and he doesn't even realize it. When I point it out to him he thinks it's funny and says he was joking, or he thinks that I am overreacting. Sometimes he swears at me (ie. why the fuck would you do that, you know that I'm going to be there at ....) but he has been improving.

Sometimes I wish I had a camera with me to show him what it looks like and sounds like when he talks to me. It's asthough he can't step out from his shoes and put himself in mine.

It's like he talks down to me and he doesn't even realize that he's doing it bcs in his mind he isn't doing it, he's just talking. I talked to him about it often to check with him what he means when he says so and so. I tell him when he says something that sounds like he is putting me down, and everytime he says he isnt and he gets upset when I bring things like that up. He doesn't understand me thats why he gets annoyed. less

I totally don't think you're being nit-picky at all. What you are describing sounds like a tone issue, and sometimes those are SUCH hard things to discuss. I can say to my boyfriend "you're being dismissive of what I'm saying" and he's like "no way! I just told you I'm listening!"

I sometimes can't communicate that it's the WAY he said it. With the dramatic sigh and the exasperated inflection. How do you describe that?

One thing someone told me that has really helped with communicating in conflicts (without putting another person on the defensive OR having to silence yourself,) is to use "I statements" when speaking. "I know you probably didn't mean to hurt me, but I felt hurt when you said..." or "I felt dismissed or invalidated when you said this..."

In my experience my boyfriend is less likely to feel accused and is more likely to consider his actions/words/tone. It's important that when I bring up an issue we are able to focus on that issue and not have it get derailed by him making it about HIMSELF and how upset he feels by my "accusation". If he goes on the defensive, nothing is getting resolved and that sucks. less

Hmmm this is a tough question. It's a hard one to answer in full... I'll just ramble lol.

Lying is at the top of my list which also goes hand in hand with respect. I take this super seriously. If you cheat on me (knock on wood, I've never had this happen), at least have the decency to be a man and tell me. Lying is above cheating. You can fix a relationship in which infidelity has occurred (although very hard). You can't repair a relationship based entirely on lies.

Promises. This is also HUGE. Again, goes hand in hand with lying. I say what I mean and mean what I say. Everything comes from the hip. There's no bullshit. I don't make any promises I don't intend to keep. Sure, things get in the way...but don't dupe me into loving or trusting you by making false promises. I'll hold you to them.

Hypocrisy. I can't stand hypocrites. If my partner demands I do something or don't do something they better hold themselves to the same standard. It is super disrespectful when you break you own damn rules especially when I'm abiding by them, respecting you, and fulfilling your wishes.

Blatant hurt as well. I don't give a flying fuck if I hurt you first, don't hurt me to get back at me and don't hurt me to show me how it feels. It's childish. It doesn't matter how someone treats you, it doesn't ever give you the right to treat them the same way.

Not standing up for me or hiding me. If you can't stand up for me or have to hide me from people, you don't deserve me.

Talking is important as well. Don't swear at me, talk down to me, or call me names. I don't tolerate words like bitch, cunt, fuck you etc. I also don't tolerate yelling. I was yelled at enough as a kid. I'm an adult. Talk to me like one.

Not taking care of yourself. I would find it disrespectful if my partner did drugs, drove drunk, or something of the like. Don't hurt the things I love.

That brings me to safety. Don't do the same to me. Drive sober, safely, etc. Don't put me in dangerous or uncomfortable situations without my prior knowledge and consent.

Appreciation. Taking me for granted is disrespectful from the making a sandwich thing (Carrie Ann), to lending money, or even me opening up to you.

In the end...it's all about intent.

I hope that helps you! HAHA less

Hmmm this is a tough question. It's a hard one to answer in full... I'll just ramble lol.

Lying is at the top of my list which also goes hand in hand with respect. I take this super seriously. If you cheat on me (knock on wood, I've never had this happen), at least have the decency to be a man and tell me. Lying is above cheating. You can fix a relationship in which infidelity has occurred (although very hard). You can't repair a relationship based entirely on lies.

Promises. This is also HUGE. Again, goes hand in hand with lying. I say what I mean and mean what I say. Everything comes from the hip. There's no bullshit. I don't make any promises I don't intend to keep. Sure, things get in the way...but don't dupe me into loving or trusting you by making false promises. I'll hold you to them.

Hypocrisy. I can't stand hypocrites. If my partner demands I do something or don't do something they better hold themselves to the same standard. It is super disrespectful when you break you own damn rules especially when I'm abiding by them, respecting you, and fulfilling your wishes.

Blatant hurt as well. I don't give a flying fuck if I hurt you first, don't hurt me to get back at me and don't hurt me to show me how it feels. It's childish. It doesn't matter how someone treats you, it doesn't ever give you the right to treat them the same way.

Not standing up for me or hiding me. If you can't stand up for me or have to hide me from people, you don't deserve me.

Talking is important as well. Don't swear at me, talk down to me, or call me names. I don't tolerate words like bitch, cunt, fuck you etc. I also don't tolerate yelling. I was yelled at enough as a kid. I'm an adult. Talk to me like one.

Not taking care of yourself. I would find it disrespectful if my partner did drugs, drove drunk, or something of the like. Don't hurt the things I love.

That brings me to safety. Don't do the same to me. Drive sober, safely, etc. Don't put me in dangerous or uncomfortable situations without my prior knowledge and consent.

Appreciation. Taking me for granted is disrespectful from the making a sandwich thing (Carrie Ann), to lending money, or even me opening up to you.

In the end...it's all about intent.

I hope that helps you! HAHA less

This was great.

I have one that drives me CRAZY!

DO NOT under any circumstances, open the fridge, close it and then ask me where something is. If I tell you it is in there, you better open that fridge or cupboard right back up and look until you find it or just give up. I will not be getting up to find you something that was sitting in the very front of the top shelf you lazy bastard! If you don't want it badly enough to move your eyes from left to right, you aren't going to get it.

Naughty Student - The insulting you and then pretending it was a joke.. I have been there. If i tell you it is not a joke I think is funny, and explain that I do not appreciate being spoken to in that manner, it had better stop or you will have to find somebody else to disrespect. It is generally passive aggressive and intentional. Instead of being mean straight up they are hiding behind the premise of a joke. Really, they are the joke. Especially once you dump their ass for it. less

Then, no, you are not crazy, nitpicky, high maintenance etc. There needs to be more people out there who stand up to be treated how they deserve and put A-holes in their place. Maybe then, if more people demanded respect, people would be more respectful as a whole. less

I second this! I think the world is becoming far too concerned about avoiding conflict and nowhere near concerned enough about conflict resolution. What does this lead to? A LOT of bottled up anger, and people getting away with unspeakable shit because other people are too afraid to get involved or stand up for themselves. less