The New Intimacy

Explaining to monogamist people...

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Contributor: Vegan Silk Vegan Silk
I've had to explain polyamory to monogamous people a lot. I usually usually explain that I think it is an orientation (I'm personally hyper-monogamous). I know lots of people on all parts of the spectrum.

what road blocks have you had explaining it? what tactics do you use? any standard phrases?
05/04/2012
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Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Vegan Silk
I've had to explain polyamory to monogamous people a lot. I usually usually explain that I think it is an orientation (I'm personally hyper-monogamous). I know lots of people on all parts of the spectrum.

what road blocks have you ... more
Most of the roadblocks to understanding for me seem to be the jealousy bugaboo. It's as if being jealous of someone equals true love...on a rational level we all know that this is a silly concept but this seems to be the prevailing sentiment.
Another argument is that I simply cannot love deeply both my partners and they certainly cannot love me as deeply as monogamous couples love each other...another silly concept and one that is just insulting. I was monogamous with Sigel for 15 years...and I love him just as deeply and wildly as I always have. Just tonight I was talking to him on skype (business trip) and I realized that I was staring at his smile...and it just hit me once again how much I love his face! Was talking to Arch at the same time and he smiled and I melted all over my shoes because here was two guys smiling and having a great time just talking to me. Needless to say (or it should be >.<) I deeply love them both they both deeply love me.

My favorite tactic is to introduce people to my guys and then dare them to say that we seem to be uncommitted and immature. Our lived do not revolve around getting laid and we ARE a family, enough said!

Oh and my tagline is usually: I didn't ask your permission, I don't need your approval, and I am not looking for your unsolicited advice! Normally though that is only reserved for really ignorant and abusive people.
05/04/2012
Contributor: VelvetDragon VelvetDragon
I've never really had any trouble. I just say, "I love more than one person and we're committed to each other." I call it a relationship style rather than an orientation, personally. A "relationship orientation" would work well though, as long as it wasn't mixed up with "sexual orientation" (since it doesn't necessarily have anything to do with sex -- I know plenty of asexual poly folk).

Sometimes they ask, "How does it work?" which usually, after I ask follow-up questions, either means something like, "But aren't you jealous?" or, "What kind of sex do you have?" XD So I just answer those kinds of questions individually.

Half the time they ask, "But where do you sleep?" Then I get to tell the story of how we used to share a twin bed, all three of us. XD
05/04/2012
Contributor: Vegan Silk Vegan Silk
I think of orientation in lots of contexts. like gender, sexuality, masculine/femme, and poly/mono.

I have a group of friends where I am often the only monogamous person in the room. I was describing my relationships to one guy, and he thought it was complicated and confusing.

It is definitely different for me to explain the concept, because I am not poly myself. and people think, well it doesn't last. But I don't want to get into the examples I have of it lasting because I don't want to out the group.
05/05/2012