So my wife and I discussed swinging for awhile. It never really has led anywhere because she doesn't want to see me with another woman. I am really okay with that, but would love to share her with another man. Since the talk of swinging has died down, I'm not sure how to bring this up. Anyone who has navigated this field, any tips/advice for someone who'd like to see this happen?
Thoughts Advice on Opening Up a Marriage
12/27/2011
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Just talk openly about how the idea makes you feel and discuss any issues she may have with it. For most women, not all but most, experience deep emotions when it comes to sex and it can be a little difficult to swallow in the beginning. If she isn't comfortable, don't push her. But, do explain how you feel and how you think the relationship can stand up to it. You may find that the idea is extremely hot and awesome in fantasy but the reality of it is less desirable than you may have initially thought. In my personal experience, the person who suggests the open relationship/adding another party is usually the person boiling over with jealousy and insecurity issues when it's all said and done. Good luck!
12/27/2011
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~Nods I will add that the most successful open relationships are those where the partners have equal opportunity to seek other lovers. Jealousy is not healthy if it is allowed to make the rules and enforce them...if you catch my drift. Still it is good to understand the triggers of the emotion but each of you should be actively working to resolve the fears that are causing the jealousy rather than deciding not to do something because it MIGHT lead to jealousy.
Originally posted by
Ansley
Just talk openly about how the idea makes you feel and discuss any issues she may have with it. For most women, not all but most, experience deep emotions when it comes to sex and it can be a little difficult to swallow in the beginning. If she
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Just talk openly about how the idea makes you feel and discuss any issues she may have with it. For most women, not all but most, experience deep emotions when it comes to sex and it can be a little difficult to swallow in the beginning. If she isn't comfortable, don't push her. But, do explain how you feel and how you think the relationship can stand up to it. You may find that the idea is extremely hot and awesome in fantasy but the reality of it is less desirable than you may have initially thought. In my personal experience, the person who suggests the open relationship/adding another party is usually the person boiling over with jealousy and insecurity issues when it's all said and done. Good luck!
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It's never good to jump on in and hang the consequences either so go slow, work hard and deeply on your relationship while you are taking it slow. Make your relationship somewhere you feel safe, secure and free. Make it something special to you both and then let that light shine on your potential partners...not the other way around. Make your shared home a sanctuary for you both that frees you rather than hems you in with rules and regulations and you will have truly opened your relationship to whatever possibilities are out there!
Personally I think every relationship should be open to the infinite range of possibilities offered freely...that doesn't have to include sex with others, mind you, but it should be a refuge as well as someplace that is so good it makes Heaven incomprehensible because it seems unlikely that anywhere else will be better. To me that is what open means, the sex part is negotiable but the rest is fluid and free. This allows for maximum growth of all partners without the growing apart we see so often.
The strongest marriages and partnerships I have ever seen are ones in which ANYTHING is possible but not everything is done right now...if that makes sense.
I wish you both the best of luck and love. We're here to listen and offer good solid advice, don't hesitate to ask!
12/27/2011
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