For all of you in a open relationship, I was wondering how it got started. Was it something that all parties knew when the relationship began? If it happened later on in the relationship, then how was it initiated?
Who initiated open relationship?
08/05/2010
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Quote:
If i was in an open relationship I would most likely be the one that initiated it.
Originally posted by
Waterfall
For all of you in a open relationship, I was wondering how it got started. Was it something that all parties knew when the relationship began? If it happened later on in the relationship, then how was it initiated?
08/05/2010
I think it was me. After 9 years together, hubby suggested joining adult swinger sites, to which I declined several times. Finally around 11 year mark, I decided I was ready to give it a try. We have been open for the past 3 and are celebrating our 14th anniversary next week.
We tried to play together, but it was extremely hard for us to find a compatible bi male. I told him I felt secure enough for him to go off on his own, but he had to give me the same option. Initially, his male protective instincts kicked in and he expressed some concern that as a woman, I wouldn't be able to control my emotions. That set me off big time because as it turns out, he is way more emotional than I am. You have to be wired to keep things in check. Not many are, and it's even harder to have a couple than can do that.
It takes trial and error to do it. It can make or break your relationship, but you don't know until you try. You have to work out as much as you together can before you start. How will your partner react to jealousy? Are you willing to stop or take breaks when needed? Are you going to just have different partners, completely NSA (riskier) or would it be ok if you had a dedicated friend who respects your primary relationship?
To do it successfully, you have to redefine your view of the 'traditional' marriage or relationship. If you cling to that, it won't work. Someone will get hurt, you will fight, etc.. We basically had to let go of all we were taught growing up and make our marriage work for us.
We tried to play together, but it was extremely hard for us to find a compatible bi male. I told him I felt secure enough for him to go off on his own, but he had to give me the same option. Initially, his male protective instincts kicked in and he expressed some concern that as a woman, I wouldn't be able to control my emotions. That set me off big time because as it turns out, he is way more emotional than I am. You have to be wired to keep things in check. Not many are, and it's even harder to have a couple than can do that.
It takes trial and error to do it. It can make or break your relationship, but you don't know until you try. You have to work out as much as you together can before you start. How will your partner react to jealousy? Are you willing to stop or take breaks when needed? Are you going to just have different partners, completely NSA (riskier) or would it be ok if you had a dedicated friend who respects your primary relationship?
To do it successfully, you have to redefine your view of the 'traditional' marriage or relationship. If you cling to that, it won't work. Someone will get hurt, you will fight, etc.. We basically had to let go of all we were taught growing up and make our marriage work for us.
08/05/2010
Quote:
I have always been curious about open relationships and what goes into them. Your post was VERY helpful
Originally posted by
PassionQT
I think it was me. After 9 years together, hubby suggested joining adult swinger sites, to which I declined several times. Finally around 11 year mark, I decided I was ready to give it a try. We have been open for the past 3 and are celebrating our
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more
I think it was me. After 9 years together, hubby suggested joining adult swinger sites, to which I declined several times. Finally around 11 year mark, I decided I was ready to give it a try. We have been open for the past 3 and are celebrating our 14th anniversary next week.
We tried to play together, but it was extremely hard for us to find a compatible bi male. I told him I felt secure enough for him to go off on his own, but he had to give me the same option. Initially, his male protective instincts kicked in and he expressed some concern that as a woman, I wouldn't be able to control my emotions. That set me off big time because as it turns out, he is way more emotional than I am. You have to be wired to keep things in check. Not many are, and it's even harder to have a couple than can do that.
It takes trial and error to do it. It can make or break your relationship, but you don't know until you try. You have to work out as much as you together can before you start. How will your partner react to jealousy? Are you willing to stop or take breaks when needed? Are you going to just have different partners, completely NSA (riskier) or would it be ok if you had a dedicated friend who respects your primary relationship?
To do it successfully, you have to redefine your view of the 'traditional' marriage or relationship. If you cling to that, it won't work. Someone will get hurt, you will fight, etc.. We basically had to let go of all we were taught growing up and make our marriage work for us. less
We tried to play together, but it was extremely hard for us to find a compatible bi male. I told him I felt secure enough for him to go off on his own, but he had to give me the same option. Initially, his male protective instincts kicked in and he expressed some concern that as a woman, I wouldn't be able to control my emotions. That set me off big time because as it turns out, he is way more emotional than I am. You have to be wired to keep things in check. Not many are, and it's even harder to have a couple than can do that.
It takes trial and error to do it. It can make or break your relationship, but you don't know until you try. You have to work out as much as you together can before you start. How will your partner react to jealousy? Are you willing to stop or take breaks when needed? Are you going to just have different partners, completely NSA (riskier) or would it be ok if you had a dedicated friend who respects your primary relationship?
To do it successfully, you have to redefine your view of the 'traditional' marriage or relationship. If you cling to that, it won't work. Someone will get hurt, you will fight, etc.. We basically had to let go of all we were taught growing up and make our marriage work for us. less
08/06/2010
I pushed the open marriage idea because I'm not as interested in swinging as my husband. Since his desire was to see me thoroughly enjoying myself with someone else I had to exlain to him that, for me to truly enjoy myself I needed emotional connection. When he finally saw that I wasn't handing him a line and that it was truth he softened. I was perfectly willing to remain monogamous but he was so unhappy that I had to try something different for his sake. He chose to ask our life partner to visit us that first time, made all the arrangements and then enjoyed watching me glow. We haven't looked back since then. He still likes to swing and occasionally we play together but he knows I am happiest between him and Arch.
08/06/2010
My hubby and I have "sex dates" I guess you could say, lol... nights where we stay up till like 6 in the morning making love and talking... one night, we were talking about fantasies. He mentioned that it was his fantasy to see me with another woman. I've NEVER been into that sort of thing, and honestly never really felt comfortable enough in a relationship to allow another woman in our bed... but having set boundaries like we have, I think it would be fun to try it out. So we started talking about other fantasies, like watching and being watched... and that's sorta how we came into the lifestyle... We don't swap with anyone and we only play together....
10/27/2010
My SO and I actually both met in a very sexually-open situation (we're both part of a sex-discussion forum) and I was forthright from the beginning about my distaste for monogamy. We agreed to not attempt a relationship, but when we realized there were romantic feelings we decided to see what would happen within the constraints of a non-monogamous situation.
It's worked out fine for us thus far - we're both welcome to sleep with whomever we desire, provided we do so safely and keep the lines of communication open.
It's worked out fine for us thus far - we're both welcome to sleep with whomever we desire, provided we do so safely and keep the lines of communication open.
03/09/2011
I was defiantly the one who wanted to do it.
03/11/2011
BelleIsabelle15
Quote:
It was me. My husband and I are swingers, I feel like it is better then commiting adultery behind his back.
Originally posted by
Waterfall
For all of you in a open relationship, I was wondering how it got started. Was it something that all parties knew when the relationship began? If it happened later on in the relationship, then how was it initiated?
03/14/2011
My SO and I mutually agreed to start a poly relationship after we each realized our prior monogomous relationships were not going to work any longer. She has always known she could not last in anything but a poly relationship and I recently realized that I have always wanted the same but have tried unsucessfully my entire life to fit within the monogomous framework.
03/17/2011
my husband and i both did. we had poly friends.
04/04/2011
Meeeee. ~_~ Hahaha. But to be honest when we first started dating I was seeing someone else and I really liked it, it was hard for me to choose monogamy, then I kind of talked to him and eventually we came to the agreement of commitment, being in a relationship but being polyamorous~ I'm happy with it and he is too! Though we haven't jumped into anything yet.
08/05/2011
It was a mutual thing but I think I initiated it a little more than he did.
08/05/2011
He did. Sort of... We saw it in a porn, and I said it turned me on. He said he was into it to and wouldn't mind giving it a try.
08/05/2011
CutiePatootie
He was able to push my curiousity to experimenting with threesomes, and we'd then talk about how it would be fun to have a girlfriend. So I guess he started it, and after I got through fighting with myself internally, I became very into it.
10/24/2011
Both of us mutually, we both fell for the same girl at the same time XD
Sadly nothing came of it, but we are still looking, hoping distance and exes wont be an issue this time.
Sadly nothing came of it, but we are still looking, hoping distance and exes wont be an issue this time.
10/26/2011
plankton
Quote:
it was initiated after i accepted his proposal of marriage. when i told him that wasn't what i wanted he tried to make me feel there was something wrong with me. what a hypocrite.
Originally posted by
Waterfall
For all of you in a open relationship, I was wondering how it got started. Was it something that all parties knew when the relationship began? If it happened later on in the relationship, then how was it initiated?
10/31/2011
Quote:
There is nothing wrong with not wanting an open relationship. I hope you stuck to your guns even if it meant you couldn't be together. Too many times lovers will try to guilt their partners into things they are not wanting or not 'wired' for (for lack of a better word) and yes it makes them hypocrits and lousy lovers!
Originally posted by
plankton
it was initiated after i accepted his proposal of marriage. when i told him that wasn't what i wanted he tried to make me feel there was something wrong with me. what a hypocrite.
11/05/2011
Usually initiated by the partner looking to frag the relationship
01/13/2012
Quote:
Kind of a biased answer since the question is actually who initiated the idea of polyamory in YOUR relationship....Since I was the one who initiated the idea I'll say I never in my wildest dreams wanted to "frag" either of my relationships.
Originally posted by
Brandonn
Usually initiated by the partner looking to frag the relationship
01/16/2012
My boyfriend and I have been together for ages but can't live closer than 4 hours away from each other given our work situations. It's been like this for a couple years and it's not going to improve anytime soon. When we knew we'd have to move away, I let him know that I didn't want him to be miserable while we were apart, so if he wanted to sleep with someone else, that was fine with me, as long as he was safe, honest, and kind with everybody involved. He gave me the same permission. We talked about it again and again for the next year or so without either of us making a move, and then finally I noticed a mutual attraction with a friend of mine and I did something about it. I had lot, heavy talks with everybody involved, and everybody ended up being OK with it. I'm still with both guys, and my life is amazing. I'm not going to leave my first partner for the second one or vice versa. And both guys know they can talk to me about it whenever they need to, if something is going wrong. No relationship "fragging", I assure you!
01/20/2012
Quote:
open relationships are too scary for me!
Originally posted by
Waterfall
For all of you in a open relationship, I was wondering how it got started. Was it something that all parties knew when the relationship began? If it happened later on in the relationship, then how was it initiated?
01/23/2012
Quote:
I'm sure statistics would bare out what i stated.
Originally posted by
Airen Wolf
Kind of a biased answer since the question is actually who initiated the idea of polyamory in YOUR relationship....Since I was the one who initiated the idea I'll say I never in my wildest dreams wanted to "frag" either of my relationships.
02/09/2012
Quote:
And I am doubly sure that the results bearing out these so called 'statistics' are skewed and biased. Just because a person wishes to experience something different doesn't mean they want to trash their previous likes. For goodness sake does desiring a second child mean you want to trash your first? Does liking vanilla but deciding to try chocolate mean you want to "hurt" vanilla products?
Originally posted by
Brandonn
I'm sure statistics would bare out what i stated.
Just because I realized that we were different than other couples and we found polyamory to be an acceptible answer doesn't mean I wanted to frag or trash my first relationship. It would seem that the other poly folk hre feel the same...so much for your 'statistics', eh?
02/09/2012
Quote:
My husband has always been polyamorous and was well known in our circle of friends. At first I was determined to be monogamous due to my fears of jealousy. As I began to miss having intimate relationships with women, we began discussing opening our relationship to another female partner. We have since had 2 and are enjoying the intimacy and fun of a threesome but the emotional and mental stress is an issue of course.
Originally posted by
Waterfall
For all of you in a open relationship, I was wondering how it got started. Was it something that all parties knew when the relationship began? If it happened later on in the relationship, then how was it initiated?
I guess to answer your question...my husband sort of did but we didn't make a move until I was comfortable with the idea.
02/09/2012
I initiated with my first boyfriend; it was on the table by our second date. It took him a few months to become comfortable with it, but me and all of the people I'm involved with right now are at least okay with the situation
02/16/2012
Quote:
I'm the one that initiated it. I don't think I'm making either of them very happy right now.
Originally posted by
Waterfall
For all of you in a open relationship, I was wondering how it got started. Was it something that all parties knew when the relationship began? If it happened later on in the relationship, then how was it initiated?
04/19/2012
Quote:
I'm not, and I have no idea how to initiate it.
Originally posted by
Waterfall
For all of you in a open relationship, I was wondering how it got started. Was it something that all parties knew when the relationship began? If it happened later on in the relationship, then how was it initiated?
04/20/2012
It was the third who joined us - she was attracted to our existing relationship dynamic and had a crush on both of us. Happily, we both realized we liked her back.
05/07/2012
Total posts: 29
Unique posters: 24