The New Intimacy

Any advice for suggesting secret fantasies to you wife, but you're afraid of her reaction?

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Contributor: jcprice02 jcprice02
I need help being able to suggest fantasies to my wife. She is a little more reserved when it comes to sex, but I have some fantasies that I want to do with her. I'm afraid of the reaction that they may bring. I would never want her to do anything that would make her uncomfortable, but what is a good way to start the conversation?

For example, she likes when I use sex toys on her. I really want to see her use them on herself till she orgasms, but I'm afraid to suggest it.

Any advice?
08/27/2011
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Contributor: Ace <3 Ace <3
Honestly, just telling her is the best way. It could be easier to ask her if she has any fantasies she would like to try first, because then it gets her to open up. Then she most likely will turn the question on you out of curiosity, and because you were the one to bring it up. I'd suggest telling her just one at a time so she becomes more comfortable with your ideas. Another way to do it could be to start having sex, use a few toys for her, and then place her hand on them and ask her to finish because you're enjoying watching her enjoy herself (and tell her you think she looks beautiful). If she's reserved about doing your fantasies she is probably self-conscious of her body or how she looks during sex--you need to encourage her and let her know you find her beautiful with lots of compliments. It's how I got my girlfriend to be more confident about herself when we are together in bed.
08/27/2011
Contributor: AngelvMaynard AngelvMaynard
Ages ago when my husband and I started experimenting with fantasies but still felt a little weird saying them out loud (not a problem any more) we used to make a game out of it. We would write down several fantasies each and then play some sort of card game, black jack, Texas hold'em, war etc.. The winner would have the loser pull a fantasy to act out. It was a fun way for us to slowly introduce some of the things we wanted to try. I know Eden sells a few games if you want to try some pre-packaged ones. The key is to make it, sexy, relaxing, non-threatening and fun!! Good luck!
08/27/2011
Contributor: Ghost Ghost
You could give her a some erotica to read that has a similar storyline to what you want to do. Usually a compilation is best, so you can see if she picks it out as one she is interested in, and you can discuss them all.
08/27/2011
Contributor: married with children married with children
Quote:
Originally posted by Ace <3
Honestly, just telling her is the best way. It could be easier to ask her if she has any fantasies she would like to try first, because then it gets her to open up. Then she most likely will turn the question on you out of curiosity, and because you ... more
I agree. just come out and tell her. be honest.
08/28/2011
Contributor: Diabolical Kitty Diabolical Kitty
Just be honest
08/28/2011
Contributor: Istanbull Istanbull
Just tell her. The worst she'll do is say no, ask you why would you want that instead of having sex with her, and make you feel very uncomfortable for ever asking.
08/28/2011
Contributor: meitman meitman
I have to agree. Coming right out and saying it (and telling her why you desire it) is usually the best policy in my opinion. Sometimes it's scary when it's still in your head, but when you finally come out and say it it ends up not really being a big deal. My guess is that she'll be open to it if she is ok with you using toys on her already. If she's not quite ready you may have to give her time. One fantasy at a time and give her a chance to wrap her head around it if she doesn't say yes immediately. You got this!
08/28/2011
Contributor: jcprice02 jcprice02
Quote:
Originally posted by Ghost
You could give her a some erotica to read that has a similar storyline to what you want to do. Usually a compilation is best, so you can see if she picks it out as one she is interested in, and you can discuss them all.
I actually just tried this, except for I wrote it myself!! She really liked it, but we havn't had a change to "act it out." Thanks for the tip
08/28/2011
Contributor: jcprice02 jcprice02
Quote:
Originally posted by jcprice02
I need help being able to suggest fantasies to my wife. She is a little more reserved when it comes to sex, but I have some fantasies that I want to do with her. I'm afraid of the reaction that they may bring. I would never want her to do ... more
Thanks to everyone for your advice and your support. I wrote her some erotica which she enjoyed, and just coming out and telling her seems to be the best approach. I use your tips the next time we have sex!! Thanks again
08/28/2011
Contributor: averageguyextrodinarypleasure averageguyextrodinarypleasure
Agreed you should be able to have open honest communication especially about sex. Plus if you sit down and tell her and describe why maybe she'll feel more comfortable about it
08/29/2011