The New Intimacy

He recorded me!

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Contributor: chantalgiardina chantalgiardina
I have top admit before I had my daughter- back in my "semi-wild" days, I didn't have a problem taking nude pics and sending them to my guy and I even liked to record them, but I learned that lesson the hard way when we broke up and half of our friends seen the video! So i really don't like to do it anymore..
So the other day my hubby out of nowhere records me riding him without me even knowing until this morning when he showed me the video! Whats up with that?

Is it like a keepsake to record it or what?
05/08/2012
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Contributor: Femme Mystique Femme Mystique
That's not cool. Did you confront him about it? It's one thing to record you with your commission. It's totally different to do it without your knowledge.
05/08/2012
Contributor: BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
Well, hopefully your husband has more respect for you than a scummy ex-boyfriend and will not be showing it to anyone.

Did your husband know about your experience? If he did, I would say it's a little thoughtless to record you and not ask if it was okay with you.

If he didn't, then he couldn't have known that it would hurt your feelings or make you feel violated.

I'm not saying that it was okay for him to do it without your consent, but it's hardly the worst thing ever (unless he posted it online).
05/08/2012
Contributor: gretsch1963 gretsch1963
Quote:
Originally posted by chantalgiardina
I have top admit before I had my daughter- back in my "semi-wild" days, I didn't have a problem taking nude pics and sending them to my guy and I even liked to record them, but I learned that lesson the hard way when we broke up and ... more
I'm with the last post by BBW. Communication is key. As your husband, be should be more respecting of you than any ex-bf. Though it might be weird, a conversation about your past experiences may be be a good way to clear up any tension. In addition, it would be a perfect opportunity to figure out why he filmed it. Maybe he has a certain fantasy that you could be tapping into.
05/08/2012
Contributor: PropertyOfPotter PropertyOfPotter
was it because he didn't think you'd say it was okay, or was it more than that. That wouldn't fly with me. If it mattered that much and we talked about it, that would be one thing, but without knowing....I would be livid.
05/08/2012
Contributor: Ciao. Ciao.
Personally I've never had much interested in recording or being recorded having sex, but I would hope that if my partner wanted to do something like that she would at least have the respect to ask me beforehand.

I'm hoping your husband is more respectful than your ex, but it's definitely worth having a conversation with him so that he understands the importance of you actually consenting to something like this if it's going to happen.
05/08/2012
Contributor: Bex1331 Bex1331
that's not cool, he should not have done that without your consent, I don't care who he is
05/08/2012
Contributor: ToyTimeTim ToyTimeTim
Not cool, like at all! I would be pretty angry if someone who had my trust did something like that without me knowing. I would have to reconsider the relationship as my trust in them would be shattered.
05/08/2012
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by ToyTimeTim
Not cool, like at all! I would be pretty angry if someone who had my trust did something like that without me knowing. I would have to reconsider the relationship as my trust in them would be shattered.
My husband does it to me all the time. He tells me it's to catch me candidly. It doesn't bother me. He's my husband, he can do whatever the hell he wants with me/to me.

But, we've also had the forethought to hash a lot of that stuff out.
05/08/2012
Contributor: Life's Little Secrets Life's Little Secrets
I agree with everyone he shouldn't have recorded you without your permission. he needs to be open with you. I tried talking to my gf about it and she isn't open to the idea but would consider it. so I haven't pushed the topic and wouldn't dare do it without her knowing about it and approving of it.
05/08/2012
Contributor: Rin (aka Nire) Rin (aka Nire)
Quote:
Originally posted by ToyTimeTim
Not cool, like at all! I would be pretty angry if someone who had my trust did something like that without me knowing. I would have to reconsider the relationship as my trust in them would be shattered.
Same here. I would be royally pissed if someone recorded me like that without my permission.

It's one thing if you've talked about and agreed that the occasional covert recording is okay. But to just go ahead and do it... I don't know if I could stay with anyone who violated my trust in such a way - at the very least, a lot of very long, very serious talks would have to take place.
05/08/2012
Contributor: Zombirella Zombirella
I'd be mad and make him dispose of it. I'm not cool with that AT ALL.
05/09/2012
Contributor: Llahsram Llahsram
I would never record my wife without her knowledge. I agree. Not cool.
05/09/2012
Contributor: Istanbull Istanbull
You do know that what he did was illegal and he can be jailed for it.

I'm not kidding, it's a new law.
05/09/2012
Contributor: roskat roskat
That's so not okay. I'd be mad as hell!
05/09/2012
Contributor: Falsepast Falsepast
Not cool, I would punch them , break all tapes and evidence and punish them with no sex for at least a month.
05/09/2012
Contributor: RomanticGoth RomanticGoth
That's messed up. Make him delete it and ask him never to do something like that again without permission. Things like that just piss me off.
05/09/2012
Contributor: Love Obsessed Love Obsessed
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
My husband does it to me all the time. He tells me it's to catch me candidly. It doesn't bother me. He's my husband, he can do whatever the hell he wants with me/to me.

But, we've also had the forethought to hash a lot of that stuff out.
I'm glad someone else said this before I did.I think it was just to capture it candidly too.If he showed you the video and recorded it without your consent maybe he just thought you look sexy on top and wanted you to see it.
05/09/2012
Contributor: Nora29714 Nora29714
with out your permission i'd be pretty pissed!
05/09/2012
Contributor: hall5885 hall5885
Without my permission I would be pissed. Even if it was my husband. If it's a thrill of doing it without you knowing then at least he could of asked you if you would be ok with him recording you sometime without you knowing when. So that way he has your permission and still gets the thrill. To me it would destroy my trust with them.
05/10/2012
Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by chantalgiardina
I have top admit before I had my daughter- back in my "semi-wild" days, I didn't have a problem taking nude pics and sending them to my guy and I even liked to record them, but I learned that lesson the hard way when we broke up and ... more
He should have told you, yes, but since he DIDN'T hide it, and in fact, SHOWED YOU, it means he did it more in admiration of how sexy YOU look and face it, guys are VISUAL. It is a SEXY thing for guys to have a visual memory. Don't compare an "old boyfriends" bad behavior with what your husband and father of your child did, and has probably done thinking you would find it thrilling.

My suggestion.....forget confrontation and say, "If I know the camera is there, I can make it a MUCH better movie for US to watch"!!!

Save the arguments for the really bad stuff in life. This ain't one, in my...married for almost 34 years, opinion.

Remember...MORE love, and LESS drama, a happy life makes.
05/12/2012
Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by Love Obsessed
I'm glad someone else said this before I did.I think it was just to capture it candidly too.If he showed you the video and recorded it without your consent maybe he just thought you look sexy on top and wanted you to see it.
BINGO. Well said.
05/12/2012
Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by RomanticGoth
That's messed up. Make him delete it and ask him never to do something like that again without permission. Things like that just piss me off.
Hubby and I sitting here and agree it was wrong, but I would not only NOT ask him to delete it, I would say "let's watch this again" and then say....WELL, it you want a video like that, let's do it right....set that camera back up!!!!!!!!
05/12/2012
Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by Istanbull
You do know that what he did was illegal and he can be jailed for it.

I'm not kidding, it's a new law.
It's her HUSBAND. I doubt there is a law forbidding recording your spouse in your own home. If there is, please post a link to this "law". I am seriously curious.
05/12/2012
Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by Falsepast
Not cool, I would punch them , break all tapes and evidence and punish them with no sex for at least a month.
I would watch the tape with him. Ask him sweetly to never do that again without asking me, and then tell him to get that camera back out so we could make a really sexy movie, since I now know that turns him on, and I KNOW I can do better then the video he got.

THAT, I guess, is why we have been HAPPILY married for over 30 years. Both have FUN, and RESPECT for each other. Both forgive our little faults...WITHOUT breaking things, punching anyone and punishing anyone without sex..ever.

It is the punching, breaking and punishing that would lead me, or my hubby to say "adios" to an abusive and cruel spouse...NOT the act of making a secret recording that was IMMEDIATELY shown to the partner.

Makes me sad to realize the amount of negative energy people are willing to foist on their partners. Explains why marriages don't last anymore. No sense of forgive or fun!!!!
05/12/2012
Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by Life's Little Secrets
I agree with everyone he shouldn't have recorded you without your permission. he needs to be open with you. I tried talking to my gf about it and she isn't open to the idea but would consider it. so I haven't pushed the topic and ... more
He WAS open and showed her the next morning. He THOUGHT, I bet, he was doing a sexy, surprising thing. He did NOT keep it a "secret"!!!
05/12/2012
Contributor: DeliciousSurprise DeliciousSurprise
Quote:
Originally posted by Bignuf
It's her HUSBAND. I doubt there is a law forbidding recording your spouse in your own home. If there is, please post a link to this "law". I am seriously curious.
A person is guilty of unlawful surveillance in the second degree when:

1. For his or her own, or another person's amusement, entertainment,
or profit, or for the purpose of degrading or abusing a person, he or
she intentionally uses or installs, or permits the utilization or
installation of an imaging device to surreptitiously view, broadcast or
record a person dressing or undressing or the sexual or other intimate
parts of such person at a place and time when such person has a reason-
able expectation of privacy, without such person's knowledge or consent.

That's New York State law.

It doesn't matter if it's a spouse or not--does someone being your spouse mean they have the right to have sex with you whenever they want? Does it mean they can force you to do what they want without consent?
05/12/2012
Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by DeliciousSurprise
A person is guilty of unlawful surveillance in the second degree when:

1. For his or her own, or another person's amusement, entertainment,
or profit, or for the purpose of degrading or abusing a person, he or
she intentionally ... more
WOW....interesting. Thanks for sharing that link. Glad we have an open enough relationship, where neither of us would need to "hide the camera", but again, this guy showed his wife the video he took. I don't think he was trying to do anything but create a "sexy surprise". Even if she were upset he did it (based on prior experience with a jerk boyfriend), there are ways to handle it with her husband that would sure make life a lot less dramatic and smoother.

As for the law, I always am amazed that these concrete "do and don't" laws have unintended consequences. That law was doubtless passed to protect people from hidden cameras in locker rooms, boyfriend bedrooms, hotel rooms...etc. It protects people from being filmed and those films being sold or traded...which have been the subject of new stories as of late.

I doubt it was intended to cover the situation in this blog...but all of a sudden the guy who filmed him and his wife in an intimate moment and then SHOWED her, is rendered a "criminal". Furthermore, folks then equate that act....where he SHOWED HER, with "unwanted rape"???? Sorry...again, seems that this society has taken every damned thing to an insane extreme and dragged it into our bedrooms as well. I don't want the law anywhere near the relationship between my hubby and me, unless it were one of us doing something to threaten life and limb of the other...and so in matter of "what happens in OUR home"....I would be very happy to have that between US. Of course, I am blessed with a respectful spouse and a happy home...but frankly, don't begin to understand why people stay in homes that are NOT those things!!!!!
05/12/2012
Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by chantalgiardina
I have top admit before I had my daughter- back in my "semi-wild" days, I didn't have a problem taking nude pics and sending them to my guy and I even liked to record them, but I learned that lesson the hard way when we broke up and ... more
Mr. and Mrs. Bignuf have been discussing this for a few minutes now. Interesting the emotions your question and our response has brought out in some people.

"What's up with that" you ask? Really ask YOURSELF that question. What other explanation can you come up with then he found the SIGHT of you EXCITING. The sexual energy between you, SEXY and MEMORABLE.

Obviously HE wanted to see YOU...his wife, in that sexy way.

Realizing that, which seems about the only rational WE can think of, is that such a "terrible" thing??? As a woman (not very young anymore, either), I find it VERY nice to know MY hubby still finds ME incredibly sexy enough to want to look at...in life and on film.

Just think of it that way.
05/12/2012
Contributor: DeliciousSurprise DeliciousSurprise
Quote:
Originally posted by Bignuf
WOW....interesting. Thanks for sharing that link. Glad we have an open enough relationship, where neither of us would need to "hide the camera", but again, this guy showed his wife the video he took. I don't think he was trying to do ... more
In the same respect, though, if he did it once, who's to say he hasn't done it before and HASN'T showed her those videos?

It's one thing to record someone when there's been a discussion about it where recording is fine, even if it's a surprise. However, the post that the original poster made did not lead me to believe that it was okay with her. I'm not saying she should go out and sue her husband, but the fact that someone is married doesn't give them carte blanche to do anything they want to do.
05/12/2012