The New Intimacy

Which of your partner's fantasies was/is the biggest challenge for you to fulfill?

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Contributor: Antipova Antipova
I know whenever a partner expresses a fantasy, I want to do everything in my power to make it happen. I assume most people are the same way---there's nothing like having a happy partner!

Of course, over the course of my sexual life, some fantasies have been easier than others for me to fulfill. A couple hard ones stand out in my mind---whether because they're physically challenging, or have a lot of mental/relationship connotations, or they just don't naturally turn me on.

I thought it would be good to have a thread where we could all share stories of ways we've stretched ourselves to make fantasies come true. Maybe you're still working on something? Share! We might help give each other ideas.
10/19/2011
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Contributor: Antipova Antipova
The fantasy that took me the longest time to fulfill was ass-to-mouth. The idea just didn't turn me on at all. My partner did a very good job of explaining the turn-on behind it, though ("knowing that you want my cock so bad you don't care where it's been," effectively). Even with a good explanation, I was just scared that it might smell or taste bad, so it didn't happen for a few months.

Then, as an act of "I want to do something nice for you," he arranged an MFM threesome for me. It was so excellent, and I was so turned on, that I actually did ass-to-mouth without even noticing. Afterward he thanked me, and I was like "Wait! You're kidding!? I actually did that?" And he was so thrilled that his fantasy had really come true---not just in the act, but in the full "I honestly didn't care" sense that turned him on.

I was pretty happy with the entire situation.
10/19/2011
Contributor: Hallmar82 Hallmar82
The fantasy that's going to be the hardest to fulfill that I haven't yet is one where I come home and ravish my wife. Unfortunately, with kids and everything else when coming home, that's easier said than done. Plus, we're both pretty tired by the time we come home anyway, that it's hard to be in the mood when you hit the door. Finally, it's very hard for us to have sex without lube or foreplay. So...this fantasy has been put on hold until I can work out all of the details.
10/19/2011
Contributor: - Kira - - Kira -
My husband really wanted to get into anal. It's something I had tried in the past and hated. I fought him on it for months and finally agreed. We got toys and lubes to work up to it. Sadly, it was only pleasurable for me about two or three times and the rest of the times I was just uncomfortable and squeaked out. Just not my thing, I guess. I'm glad I was able to at least try my best for him. We gave it a go for a good four months or so including work up time. He was a bit pouty when I said it just wasn't for me but he was happy I at least tried.

For him? I'm bisexual and after being with a guy only for over five years I miss a girl's touch. So that's my big fantasy. Not a threesome but I guess a tripod? Like I would have a girlfriend and a husband that would be two separate relationships. He's not too keen on it but is open to the idea. I've yet to find a girl I'm attracted to that is open to the idea as well to see if he's just saying he would be okay with it or if he really would be as that whole thing is a fine line to walk. It's a common discussion in our household.
10/19/2011
Contributor: Antipova Antipova
Quote:
Originally posted by Hallmar82
The fantasy that's going to be the hardest to fulfill that I haven't yet is one where I come home and ravish my wife. Unfortunately, with kids and everything else when coming home, that's easier said than done. Plus, we're both ... more
That sounds like a good one to work on, though! Some time when you know she'll be at the peak of her cycle, arrange for the kids to visit an aunt after school... even if the ravishing starts with a lot of foreplay, I bet you two will both have a wonderful time.
10/19/2011
Contributor: Antipova Antipova
Quote:
Originally posted by - Kira -
My husband really wanted to get into anal. It's something I had tried in the past and hated. I fought him on it for months and finally agreed. We got toys and lubes to work up to it. Sadly, it was only pleasurable for me about two or three times ... more
Good work trying! It's too bad it didn't work out, but it's good that you were able to acknowledge that and not keep beating a dead horse.

And for yours---good that there's a lot of discussion! A situation like that demands a whole lot of communication. I'm sure it would be very fulfilling if it ever came to pass, though.
10/19/2011
Contributor: Beck Beck
So far the only thing I have found challenging is finding another women to have FMF threesome. We both really want one but have not met a single women that we are interested in. Or the others think we are completely weird, which they are right we are but in a good way. A lot of the girls we meet are not interested because we have kids and want more of a friend relationship before anything happening. Every time they are like kids and you do not want to just do it no thanks. Excuse us for wanting to know what and who we are going to have sex with. Still working on it, I have no female friends so that is out of the question. It has been really hard. We have been looking for almost three years.
10/19/2011
Contributor: js250 js250
There are two that come to my mind. The first one was anal. He is so fixated on an interview he read where a woman was going on and on about how awesome anal was for her that I eventually broke down and told him I would try this. Well, neither one of us was very educated about the whole process - you do just have regular vaginal intercourse without much preparation other than foreplay and lube, right? That may be true, but let me tell you the back door is a whole different path!!! We got our lube out and got all worked up, I got off a couple of time first and then I told him I was ready. It hurt so bad I passed out. He immediately realized something was wrong and stopped, took care of me, etc. When I was back to feeling ok, I went to the restroom and was scared, there was a significant amount of blood. I cleaned up and put neosporin on the afflicted area and we stopped for the night since we were going on a trip the next day. Long story short, the trip was the most painful event I have ever been on. Sitting on my ripped bum for hours on end in a car. I almost went to the hospital because it hurt so bad, but was too embarrassed to. I now have quite the case of injury induced issues, but am ok with everything but the back door.

The second one is when I decided to shave it all off for my husband. I usually have a landing strip. My scissors slipped when I was trimming up the hairs that grow in the little valley where everything comes together in the front and I cut a huge chunk out of the protective labial covering over my clitoris. I was off work for a week and we had a no sex zone going for about three weeks until it healed. I will not do that again, I have actually developed a longer landing strip.
10/19/2011
Contributor: Antipova Antipova
Quote:
Originally posted by Beck
So far the only thing I have found challenging is finding another women to have FMF threesome. We both really want one but have not met a single women that we are interested in. Or the others think we are completely weird, which they are right we are ... more
Sounds like what you're looking for is really hard to find! I can definitely understand wanting to know who you're going to have sex with, though. I guess it's best not to lower your standards, though.
10/19/2011
Contributor: Antipova Antipova
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
There are two that come to my mind. The first one was anal. He is so fixated on an interview he read where a woman was going on and on about how awesome anal was for her that I eventually broke down and told him I would try this. Well, neither one of ... more
Oh gosh! Both of those experiences sound awful!

I know your pain for the first one, but I can't imagine having a chunk cut out of my labia! Yowch!
10/19/2011
Contributor: FemmeFlo FemmeFlo
Quote:
Originally posted by Beck
So far the only thing I have found challenging is finding another women to have FMF threesome. We both really want one but have not met a single women that we are interested in. Or the others think we are completely weird, which they are right we are ... more
FMF threesome has been on my list of things I really want to do, but I have trouble finding someone too. I also have this thing where I'd want to be friends with the person, but then it's weird approaching a friend about it, or going out and finding someone with that purpose in mind. Best of luck to you, beck!
10/19/2011
Contributor: iwantyouwantingme iwantyouwantingme
Threesomes are something I have discussed many times and I have no clue how I feel about them. I think the problem is I think ahead of the situation. I cant imagine taking on of our friends into the bedroom and then having to face them afterwards. I cant imagine not being jealous about it. Perhaps Im too greedy. And I have also thought about a stranger, but it seems so dangerous. I have never been one to have a hook up or one night stand. BUT! the idea turns me on... hmmm. I guess I will continue to battle with this one.
10/19/2011
Contributor: Antipova Antipova
So, one that I'm still working on right now seems a lot "milder" than the threesomes that have come up a lot in this thread.

My partner likes lingerie, and seeing me wear pretty clothes. I'm all for the idea of it, but it's actually really hard for me.

As far as body image goes, I feel pretty happy with myself when I have no clothes on. When I'm home alone, I never wear anything (unless it's winter, and then I'll wrap up under a blanket, but still no clothes). I really hate clothes shopping, because I always feel self-conscious about my body, and I feel like retailers are judging me. So in my day-to-day life, I wear the same cut and brand of men's pants (they come in different colors, thank goodness) and either plain long-sleeved t-shirts or button-up, baggy blouses, every day, no matter what. I manage to look professional when I need to look professional, and hard-working when I need to look hard-working. But never pretty.

I ... don't know how to feel pretty in clothes. And he's trying to help me learn, but it's really counterintuitive for me. He's offered to take me shopping (only 'vague in the future' offers, not 'let's go right now' offers), but I know that I get really nervous and uneasy when shopping for clothes so I hope I don't clam up.

The only way I can really enjoy clothes is if a partner picks them out for me---and yet when I've explained this to him he says he "doesn't want to seem like he's "telling me what to do.""

Any suggestions for how to make progress on this? I realize it's mostly my fault for having such a weird body image complex with such an irrational trigger.
10/19/2011
Contributor: - Kira - - Kira -
Quote:
Originally posted by Antipova
So, one that I'm still working on right now seems a lot "milder" than the threesomes that have come up a lot in this thread.

My partner likes lingerie, and seeing me wear pretty clothes. I'm all for the idea of it, but ... more
Maybe have him pick out styles of clothes he likes online? Then you can go try something similar in real life with him since you know he's picked them out and he won't feel like he's telling you exactly which ones to pick.
10/19/2011
Contributor: Antipova Antipova
Quote:
Originally posted by - Kira -
Maybe have him pick out styles of clothes he likes online? Then you can go try something similar in real life with him since you know he's picked them out and he won't feel like he's telling you exactly which ones to pick.
That's a pretty good idea. He's not quite as computer-savvy as I am, but I'm sure he knows the names of a few stores he appreciates that we could browse the online catalogues of.
10/20/2011
Contributor: - Kira - - Kira -
Quote:
Originally posted by Antipova
That's a pretty good idea. He's not quite as computer-savvy as I am, but I'm sure he knows the names of a few stores he appreciates that we could browse the online catalogues of.
I wouldn't recommend buying from eBay (done it and the sizing is NEVER right) but there are some great sort features if you go to women's clothing. So you can pick tops or dresses and then what type of sleeves or length etc. Pretty good for browsing and getting ideas. I've bought some stuff from there and only two items ever fit the way they were supposed to so I don't really buy much there unless it's something I can't find anywhere else. It might work for what you're trying to do though so you're not website jumping.
10/20/2011
Contributor: eroticmutt eroticmutt
I used to have an issue with a partner who was totally obsessed with anal. Literally, nothing else got him off. Since I don't mind beads but won't tolerate friction in my rump, needless to say that did not work out.
10/22/2011