Boring Plain Vanilla Sex

Boring Plain Vanilla Sex

merc41 merc41
After 44 years of plain vanilla sex I finally gave my wife an ultimatim. Start showing some interest,get more involved and try and please me sexually or I will find it elsewhere. Sex is the only thing we have ever argued about. I have asked,pleaded and led by example to try and spice things up. Nothing has worked and I refuse to go to my grave with regrets.I am a good man,husband,provider and father.Above all a good lover. Everything sexual has been my responsibility from birth control,making the first move, ,buying lube ( menopause ) to researching and buying toys. The other night I felt like fucking so I put the moves on and all she did was ignore me.Not even I'm sorry not in the mood,tired,headache etc.etc. Then when I got upset still no responce. The next morning I was furious and wanted to talk. She said about what? I decided that we were at rock bottom and told her what I felt like and what I was going to do if things did'nt change.She sat in silence,shocked at what I said. I even went as far as trying to show her how easy it is to hook up these days ( craigslist,eros and other sites ). She refused saying she isn't stupid she knows it would be easy. A man should'nt have to beg for a BJ now and again especially since she gets plenty of oral attention vaginal and anal. Believe me she enjoys both alot. She said she doesn't know how. I said that was just an excuse just follow my lead do what I do to her. Quit playing silly video games and use the internet.Educate yourself if needed I will show you where to go.Question is am I wrong for wanting a fulfilling,enjoyable sex life.Am I too mean or is she too lazy and uncareing.What should I do?
Aug 6, 8:43 pm
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merc41 merc41
Quote:
Originally posted by merc41
After 44 years of plain vanilla sex I finally gave my wife an ultimatim. Start showing some interest,get more involved and try and please me sexually or I will find it elsewhere. Sex is the only thing we have ever argued about. I have asked,pleaded ...
I know Its a lenghty post and I vented but no comments or suggestions?
Aug 9, 1:11 pm
Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
I can sympathize - but there isn't much to say about your spouse. When my kids were growing up, I would always say 'you can't push a rope' - that is, until they are ready to take the next step on their journey - no amount of pushing from me as a parent had much impact.

Likewise with my wife - like you I always wanted more. For about 20 years (I was 35 when we married) it got me little more than frustration.

Then my wife decided to change - to 'participate' to be 'receptive'. That changed everything. Although we are still not fully aligned, she has come a long toward helping me try out some interesting new ideas (IMO light kink).

So I can say that there is hope - I have no idea why my wife decided to change - so I have no advice to give regarding what you might do to get your wife to change.

They say you get more bees with honey than sh**, to the extent possible, encouragement seems to work better than coercion.

Best of luck.
Aug 9, 2:55 pm
ReverieReviews ReverieReviews
Here's my perspective, coming from a woman.

Both of your actions appear to be entirely uncalled for. She shouldn't have ignored you. Your wife could have tried to be a little more willing to be "flexible," but at the same time, you can't force someone to have the same sexual interests as you and getting upset at them for not wanting the same things accomplishes nothing. Making them feel trapped or forced to give you certain pleasures is an absolutely terrible thing to do. Sex should come freely, with full consent, not from being held under duress.

If your wife is uncomfortable with any particular sexual activity, you should respect her boundaries. I personally am not turned on by the thought of giving a BJ at all - in fact, it's quite off putting for me with how sensitive of a gag reflex I have. You giving her oral does not make her obligated to "return the favor."

You are certainly not in the wrong for wanting a fulfilling sex life. However, being unfaithful to your significant other in order to achieve this, without them being comfortable with the idea of you sleeping with other partners, is wrong. If your wife feels threatened by this prospect it can even turn her off of sex even more due to worry, or worse, make her feel like she has to do things she isn't comfortable with just to try to keep you from leaving for someone else. This will end up putting an even bigger strain on your relationship.

So to summarize. You have a right to want to be satisfied but your wife also has a right to set her boundaries. It sounds like you both need to sit down in a calm, safe environment and have a discussion about this, without accusations or arguing, to discuss what each of you want and are looking for and come to some sort of mutual agreement on how both of you can be happy.
Aug 15, 2:19 am
merc41 merc41
Quote:
Originally posted by ReverieReviews
Here's my perspective, coming from a woman.

Both of your actions appear to be entirely uncalled for. She shouldn't have ignored you. Your wife could have tried to be a little more willing to be "flexible," but at the same ...
I agree with you for the most part. Thats why we are still married. I have done exactly as you have said this was a last resort. Boundries ? maybe the wrong term. Complete refusal to consider my feelings,wants and desires. I believe that a husband and wife both have obligations to their partners to achive an happy fullfilling sex life. I have never forced anything on her or even suggested doing anything that she would consider gross or indecent. Sorry but I disagree with your stance on blowjobs you can lick,suck,nibble without inserting a penis deep in your throat.
Aug 15, 2:50 pm
ReverieReviews ReverieReviews
Quote:
Originally posted by merc41
I agree with you for the most part. Thats why we are still married. I have done exactly as you have said this was a last resort. Boundries ? maybe the wrong term. Complete refusal to consider my feelings,wants and desires. I believe that a husband ...
My stance on blowjobs quite honesty isn't likely to change.

Simply hearing about things I personally find disgusting can put me on the verge of puking - the added sensitivity likely an effect from my years of dealing with health issues that cause added nausea and vomiting - and just the prospect of having a penis anywhere near my mouth? It just doesn't do it for me, which is incredibly odd considering I do enjoy things like gags for the oral stimulation.

In any case, I hope you come to some form of satisfactory resolution with your wife. You both deserve happiness, both emotional and sexual (although in my mind sexual satisfaction does come after the emotion aspect when it comes to priorities in a relationship).
Aug 15, 6:56 pm
merc41 merc41
Quote:
Originally posted by ReverieReviews
My stance on blowjobs quite honesty isn't likely to change.

Simply hearing about things I personally find disgusting can put me on the verge of puking - the added sensitivity likely an effect from my years of dealing with health issues ...
Thank You for your thoughts. We are all diffrent and that's what makes things interesting.
Aug 16, 4:30 pm
Total posts: 7
Unique posters: 3