Wife Looking For Real Advice! - Created by ChristyJM on Jun 23, 2015: EdenFantasys Forum

OH&W, Lovebears

Quote:

Originally posted by STcj3305

I love my husband more than life, I truly believe he deep down knows this. I do also believe he loves me but he shows it in very different ways than I'm used to. Our problem with sex has always been my lack of ability to initiate. He doesn't ... more

I love my husband more than life, I truly believe he deep down knows this. I do also believe he loves me but he shows it in very different ways than I'm used to. Our problem with sex has always been my lack of ability to initiate. He doesn't understand my feelings of insecurity and fear of failure with him.

Years ago we had AMAAAAAZING sex, partially due to some "treats" we used to indulge in. It was multiple times a day and never anything less than mind blowing. Though he still initiated most of the time, it was a mutual desire and it was obvious to both.

We got a bit older and dropped the occasional "treat", and it's been a downward spiral. My husband also used to take viagra or cialis daily, when they ran out about a year ago, we just never bought more. During a bad fight one night he blamed me completely for his need to have viagra. That still rings in my head regularly though I know it was only said out of anger.

We now have sex one or two times a week at best. It's good of course, but not like it used to be.

We each admit our faults in this every once in a while, he shows no affection unless it's during sex and I have a hard time finding any desire without his affection first. He wants me to initiate, be more open to oral on him. Why can I not just do this for him?

I sit here wondering if my husband would want to have sex if I climbed into bed right now, then I think about the 10 hour shift he just finished or the one he has to go to tonight and worry I'd be bothering him. Though I work just as many if not more hours than him PLUS care for our home and our kids.

I want sex just as bad as he does, 100% honest. So why can't we get past this and offer each other the intimacy we both desire so much? I've gotten all the bullshit advice of, just do it, make your husband happy. Get over it. Trust me, if saving my marriage and giving my husband want he so dearly deserves was that easy, I'd be a phenomenal wife and lover.

Please help. less

Sounds like quite a problem. I hope you get some good answers from the community. I'm not a counselor but will send you things we have done on pm.

Reply

06/23/2015

Vnessa

My heart goes out to you. My first suggestion is to try some couple's counseling, if you haven't already. I am by no means a counselor myself, but from past experience with family members, you will both have to be open to trying different exercises to rekindle what you once had. Take baby steps.

As soon as you see him in the evening, stop what you are doing and greet him with a kiss hello, ask about his day. Then, he should reciprocate. Make a conscious effort to give him small touches. Let him know what it is that you need from him (what your love language is) so that he can try and give that to you.

Try and set aside a date night each week. If that's not possible, due to kids, make it private time at home when the kids are in bed. This is special time for just you and him. Watch a movie, cuddle, share some wine, or just catch up and talk.

As for the oral, if it's not something you like to do, you shouldn't be made to do it. If it's something you are just uncomfortable doing, you should talk with him and let him know what makes you feel uncomfortable. If you are just worried about not pleasing him, ask him to tell you what feels good so you are more comfortable. Ask him to guide you. More than likely, he will jump at the chance.

I hope this helps

Reply

06/23/2015

Lvstoplay

Quote:

Originally posted by STcj3305

I love my husband more than life, I truly believe he deep down knows this. I do also believe he loves me but he shows it in very different ways than I'm used to. Our problem with sex has always been my lack of ability to initiate. He doesn't ... more

I love my husband more than life, I truly believe he deep down knows this. I do also believe he loves me but he shows it in very different ways than I'm used to. Our problem with sex has always been my lack of ability to initiate. He doesn't understand my feelings of insecurity and fear of failure with him.

Years ago we had AMAAAAAZING sex, partially due to some "treats" we used to indulge in. It was multiple times a day and never anything less than mind blowing. Though he still initiated most of the time, it was a mutual desire and it was obvious to both.

We got a bit older and dropped the occasional "treat", and it's been a downward spiral. My husband also used to take viagra or cialis daily, when they ran out about a year ago, we just never bought more. During a bad fight one night he blamed me completely for his need to have viagra. That still rings in my head regularly though I know it was only said out of anger.

We now have sex one or two times a week at best. It's good of course, but not like it used to be.

We each admit our faults in this every once in a while, he shows no affection unless it's during sex and I have a hard time finding any desire without his affection first. He wants me to initiate, be more open to oral on him. Why can I not just do this for him?

I sit here wondering if my husband would want to have sex if I climbed into bed right now, then I think about the 10 hour shift he just finished or the one he has to go to tonight and worry I'd be bothering him. Though I work just as many if not more hours than him PLUS care for our home and our kids.

I want sex just as bad as he does, 100% honest. So why can't we get past this and offer each other the intimacy we both desire so much? I've gotten all the bullshit advice of, just do it, make your husband happy. Get over it. Trust me, if saving my marriage and giving my husband want he so dearly deserves was that easy, I'd be a phenomenal wife and lover.

Please help. less

You should make sure he knows you need affection, and not simply sexually. Hold hands, cuddle be it to sleep or watch tv or just to talk, and make out. You can try making out with him as a prelude to sex or simply for fun and to be close to him. You could also try something like laying your head against the side of his neck, and from time to time try making out essentially with it. That should try to help with creating more intimacy, helping to make you both want to do things with each other more, and even letting him feel like you're initiating things more often. If you're not interested in going down on him at all, it's best to explain that and how it makes you feel to consider trying it, as well as that it's not because of him. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk more or want more suggestions.

Reply

06/23/2015