The New Intimacy

Ideas for escaping a bad date?

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Contributor: bettle590 bettle590
I've been on a couple of dates with guys whom I wasn't attracted to and/or had absolutely nothing in common with. These dates just consisted of small talk and walking around aimlessly, and usually finding out that the guy is more interested in sleeping with me than hearing about my reading list.

I feel like, within the boundaries of basic ettiquitte, there's really no way to end the date when it starts going downhill. I feel like i'm too polite to clearly say what I want or state my boundaries and that has led to some uncomfortable experiences.

Do any of you have suggestions for coping, escaping, or planning ahead? This makes it sound like a secret mission haha

And, to keep this fun, do any of you have some disaster stories to share?
08/19/2012
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Contributor: Undecided Undecided
If it starts turning to sex and I don't want to hear I simply tell them there is more to me then my body! If they get mad I tell them thanks for the night but don't bother contacting me again I am very open and blunt
08/19/2012
Contributor: wwwww wwwww
You could always use a friend as an emergency back-out plan. I know a few women who will text a 'signal' to a friend if their date is taking a bad turn and that friend will call them so they can have a window of opportunity to get out of the date. It's pretty deceptive, but if you're truly uncomfortable it's an idea to consider.
08/19/2012
Contributor: bettle590 bettle590
Quote:
Originally posted by Undecided
If it starts turning to sex and I don't want to hear I simply tell them there is more to me then my body! If they get mad I tell them thanks for the night but don't bother contacting me again I am very open and blunt
I need to work on being blunt. The last guy I went on a date with didn't even pretend to be interested in what I was talking about, and he just came off as a jerk.

I also would like to say that there isn't anything wrong with sex on the first date, but it's not something that aligns with what I want out of a date. Spread the sex positivity
08/20/2012
Contributor: bettle590 bettle590
Quote:
Originally posted by wwwww
You could always use a friend as an emergency back-out plan. I know a few women who will text a 'signal' to a friend if their date is taking a bad turn and that friend will call them so they can have a window of opportunity to get out of the ... more
That's a good idea! Thank you.
08/20/2012
Contributor: Breas Breas
Quote:
Originally posted by wwwww
You could always use a friend as an emergency back-out plan. I know a few women who will text a 'signal' to a friend if their date is taking a bad turn and that friend will call them so they can have a window of opportunity to get out of the ... more
This is a good idea! I haven't had to date for awhile since I've been with my partner for over a year but when I was single, I was pretty blunt.. I mean, I was polite, but honest at the same time. I figured it's best for me to lay my cards on the table so there is no confusion. If the person has a problem with it, then we probably wouldn't have worked out anyway.
08/20/2012
Contributor: GONE! GONE!
Well, I'm not afraid to stoop to gross and dishonest means to get out of a really horrible situation. If someone seemed predatory or otherwise creepy I would fake diarrhea or something like that.
If it was just not fun, I would probably wait it out or say upfront that it wasn't working out and leave.
08/20/2012
Contributor: Undecided Undecided
Quote:
Originally posted by bettle590
I need to work on being blunt. The last guy I went on a date with didn't even pretend to be interested in what I was talking about, and he just came off as a jerk.

I also would like to say that there isn't anything wrong with sex on ... more
I just tell them I am not interested or point out that they don't seem interested so it is better to part ways. I have never needed to use the friend thing.
08/20/2012
Contributor: LovesAPoet LovesAPoet
Quote:
Originally posted by wwwww
You could always use a friend as an emergency back-out plan. I know a few women who will text a 'signal' to a friend if their date is taking a bad turn and that friend will call them so they can have a window of opportunity to get out of the ... more
Ha that's what I was gonna suggest, you beat me too it.
I'm pretty much set, the local coffee shop bathroom is connected to the pizza joint next door for a quick sneak out. I can't ever imagine doing that to a guy normally but if he seemed really creepy (I think Gold Lion used predatory) I might.
08/20/2012
Contributor: El-Jaro El-Jaro
On the two dates I went on the last 6 months, I asked my roomie to send me a text at a certain time unless they heard from me. That way I could make up a story about it and get out.

The biggest thing is to NOT tell them you'd contact them again if you don't plan on it.
08/20/2012
Contributor: Beck Beck
Quote:
Originally posted by wwwww
You could always use a friend as an emergency back-out plan. I know a few women who will text a 'signal' to a friend if their date is taking a bad turn and that friend will call them so they can have a window of opportunity to get out of the ... more
This is what I was going to say. I would excuse myself to the bathroom and send a message to the person you have set up to expect a message and tell them to call you and say you are needed at work, their house, your house, or something. If you want to get out without telling them the truth. This is what I would do.
08/20/2012
Contributor: bettle590 bettle590
Quote:
Originally posted by Undecided
I just tell them I am not interested or point out that they don't seem interested so it is better to part ways. I have never needed to use the friend thing.
I definitely should have pointed out that he didn't seem interested, he really didn't deserve a minute of my time.
08/21/2012
Contributor: bettle590 bettle590
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
On the two dates I went on the last 6 months, I asked my roomie to send me a text at a certain time unless they heard from me. That way I could make up a story about it and get out.

The biggest thing is to NOT tell them you'd contact them ... more
Yes, I absolutely never say "see you later" when I don't plan on contacting them again. Just a simple goodbye
08/21/2012
Contributor: bettle590 bettle590
Quote:
Originally posted by LovesAPoet
Ha that's what I was gonna suggest, you beat me too it.
I'm pretty much set, the local coffee shop bathroom is connected to the pizza joint next door for a quick sneak out. I can't ever imagine doing that to a guy normally but if he ... more
That sounds awesome! and I dunno, the last guy I met seemed like a normal guy but he was pushing boundaries and getting, not so much creepy, but entitled and insensitive. Not a super emergency escape situation, but definitely a "I should catch the next train" kind of deal
08/21/2012
Contributor: married with children married with children
Quote:
Originally posted by wwwww
You could always use a friend as an emergency back-out plan. I know a few women who will text a 'signal' to a friend if their date is taking a bad turn and that friend will call them so they can have a window of opportunity to get out of the ... more
my friends use this all the time, both guys and gals.
08/21/2012
Contributor: ToyGeek ToyGeek
Most people have heard of the fake call from a friend out by now, but only someone confrontational would call you on it, and if they're that confrontational and controlling on a first date it's one heck of a warning sign, so it will prove your instincts correct.

If they're creepy, aggressive, rude, or potentially dangerous, you owe no explanation. But if you're just not clicking with someone due to chemistry, lack of attraction, or lack of common interests, try to remember that they're another human being and deserve respect.

Never promise to call if you don't plan to -- it's cruel to keep people dangling on false hope if they're decent people who are just wrong for you, while it's downright dangerous to give a potential stalker any fuel for false hopes.
08/21/2012
Contributor: bettle590 bettle590
Quote:
Originally posted by ToyGeek
Most people have heard of the fake call from a friend out by now, but only someone confrontational would call you on it, and if they're that confrontational and controlling on a first date it's one heck of a warning sign, so it will prove ... more
I agree. I didn't really clarify it in the initial post but I would wait it out if they were trustworthy and respectful of my boundaries.
08/22/2012
Contributor: gsfanatic gsfanatic
Fake call, it's actually becoming a common feature on phones these days
08/23/2012
Contributor: lesglitter lesglitter
I think it's way better to be blunt than to do the fake call thing. It's a lot more honest, and you don't have to feel guilty about anything.

Something like, "Hey, it seems like you aren't very interested in my personality, only in my body. That's fine, but I am looking for sex and xyz [emotional connection, relationship, ect.] which you don't seem to be interested in."
08/25/2012
Contributor: bettle590 bettle590
Quote:
Originally posted by gsfanatic
Fake call, it's actually becoming a common feature on phones these days
haha I didn't know that!
08/26/2012
Contributor: bettle590 bettle590
Quote:
Originally posted by lesglitter
I think it's way better to be blunt than to do the fake call thing. It's a lot more honest, and you don't have to feel guilty about anything.

Something like, "Hey, it seems like you aren't very interested in my ... more
good idea.
08/26/2012
Contributor: Rin (aka Nire) Rin (aka Nire)
Point into the distance, shout, "HEY! Look at that!", then run off when they turn around.

I'm kidding, obviously. I actually don't have any suggestions, but some of the ones you've already gotten seem pretty good.
08/27/2012