Dealing With A Bad Breakup Need Support

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cherryredhead88

I broke up with my now ex boyfriend about a month ago. He was soo clingy and desperate that I couldn't take it. I have so much on my plate already and I want to deal with my son and my school, not some other guy who wants all of my time and attention.

He got really insecure and starting trying to snoop around in my stuff and started jumping to conclusions about things that just weren't true.

It got to be too much for me and I finally ended it. Well now he is being such a dousche bag. He has some of my son's things that he volunteered to bring back (he lives about 45 mins away from me) originally. That was 3 weeks ago. Then he decided he didn't want to come up and bring them back for another 2 weeks. Now I try and make arrangements and he all of a sudden can't do it.

I have some of his things too, and he asked for them back (like I'm not going to give them to him --- I'm not that kind of person). Sure I don't mind giving them back, if you FUCKING make up your MIND!

He's too pussy to call me and all he does is email me with more salt to my wound. He acts like I don't even care and I'm this horrible heartless bitch who just did it for fun,.

Truth is I did care for him, I did want to be with him, but not right now. I'm not ready. I tried, it hurts me too, and he's not the only one left with a hole in his heart.

I'm just really frustrated and it's hard for me to deal with him right now, I needed to vent somewhere and get a little extra insight for the situation.

07/04/2011

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Vaccinium

Quote:

Originally posted by cherryredhead88

Well, my perspective may be unique from others here because...I've been that guy..

Suffice it to say, from experience I can tell you that your ex's problem is a lack of confidence. He will probably get some confidence at some point, but he probably wouldn't have found it inside your relationship.

I guess I can't really say much more than that, but hopefully you'll be able to understand what the reason why he was and is acting the way he was/is. Perhaps that can help you going forward.

07/04/2011

Antipova

<3, Cherryredhead. You can always find an ear here.

It sounds like, after you get your son's things back, this might be one of those breakups that calls for cutting off contact for a while until both people are confident enough in themselves to be friendly again.

And that really sucks. Hurt feelings are so hard to deal with. I hope things smooth out soon.

07/04/2011

Chilipepper

*hugs* Sorry you have to go through this, hon. It's simply that you both were on different wavelengths.

07/04/2011

wetone123

I'm sorry cherryredhead. I probably can't add much more than the others have. Just know that you have a friend in me and can talk to me about things, sort of like a sounding board. That always helps me. Hopefully he will find something else to occupy his mind as you have. He should return your sons things and move on. Hope this has helped you in any small way. Hugs

07/04/2011

cherryredhead88

Thanks all for your responses, it really helps to know that others have been through the same (which is usually the case, but it helps).

I told him today that I'm done with the childish conversations and that if he wants to trade stuff he can come get it.

His excuse for emailing me has been the "stuff" which I don't care about really. If my son was old enough to understand that he had things there it would be different, but I could care less about material things.

Anyways, the stuff has been the excuse but it has simply been one line in long pages of emotional emails telling me I'm wrong and I'm the bitch, basically.

I am ignoring all future contact from him and I refuse to talk to him unless he simply wants to arrange a time for trading our things back.

07/04/2011

Antipova

Quote:

Originally posted by cherryredhead88

That sounds fair. There's no need for him to rake you over coals. If you broke up with him fairly, it's best to ignore/not encourage his unpleasant behavior. It's better for him in the long run, *and* it's better for yourself, in the long run and right now.

Be well, lady.

07/04/2011

wetone123

Yes, that sounds more than fair. As far as your sons stuff, if he does not remember or is not old enough to know he is missing stuff, I would not even worry about the stuff. Chances are that this stuff is something he thinks he can hold over your head. Stuff can be replaced. I think he must be very spiteful to hold your childs things hostage. In the long run simply forgetting him and the whole affair seems the best way for both of you to let the stuff go and go your separate ways. I would check into blocking his emails also, if it comes to that.

07/05/2011

Ivy Wilde

I am very sorry that you are having to go through this. It is always difficult to break up with someone that you cared about. But if it is the best thing for you to do, then you have to do it, and THEY HAVE TO ACCEPT IT.

I completely understand how men can be when you break up with them. I had an ex that broke in to my house and yelled at me. Even after I called 911, he kept yelling and telling me what a bitch I was for leaving him. Fortunately, he left without physically hurting me. But plenty of emotional damage was done.

Please just keep telling yourself that you had every right to break up with him. And although, it may be painful for him, it does not give him the right to try and hurt you back. Sadly, it is a part of human nature to strike back when one is hurt. But that doesn't make it any easier to deal with.

I hope you find ways to cope with everything, and remember to take care of yourself throughout this difficult time.

::hugs::

07/05/2011

Jul!a

I'm sorry to hear. You're right tho, material stuff is just material stuff and in a lot of breakups unless there was something that was really important to you, it's best to just replace it. My husband had to replace a whole bunch of stuff his ex said she was giving back then kept because it wasn't worth the hassle to try and get her to acknowledge that that stuff wasn't actually hers. If your son doesn't know any different, go ahead and get him new stuff.

Ignoring him is the best thing you can do really, eventually he'll get the picture. I agree with Ivy that you have every right to leave him and he doesn't have the right to try and hurt you back. If he crosses any lines, even in an email, you can go ask the police what actions you can/should take.

I'm sending you lots of hugs, and I hope everything passes for you soon, and if you need an ear, I'm here

07/05/2011

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